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House Is Not Home: How My Travels Influenced My Thoughts About Life
House is not home. After years of travels and self-development experiments, I reflect on what home means to me, what motivates me, and why the digital-nomad life is not my path.
On Being Selfish
This Wednesday, I woke up with a twisted stomach and a fast heartbeat, and I asked myself, “Why doesn’t this monster finally leave me alone and let me go?” I went through cognitive therapy, hypnotherapy, SSRIs, meditation, sauna, vacations, socializing, self-care… Nothing works. Just nothing. It’s only getting worse and worse. And then, I found out why.
The Doctor Manhattan Syndrome
This is quite an exhibitionistic post… but I’ve learned that more often than not, there are many people out there who feel exactly like me — but just don’t say it aloud. Or, they don’t even grasp their own feelings, until someone pokes them and wakes them up. So, I decided to write this article anyway.
Natalia In The Land of NFTs. My Personal Journey and What I Learned So Far
I first learned about NFTs in December 2017, ignored them, and finally stepped into the jungle in November 2021. Here is my personal NFT journey — the Hapebeast grind, the rugs, the scams, and what I learned about value, talent, and hype along the way.
How Setting a Company Has Changed My Life, Personal Development Wise
The moment I set up a company was the moment I won my life — not because of income or freedom, but because of the gradual changes on the inside. Here is how running a company rewired the way I react, decide, and relate to people.
Dreamers Gonna Dream. On Personal Goals Baked During the Pandemic
In the pandemic, I had way more than enough time to think about what I want from life and what kind of mission I would like to accomplish. The concept was baking in the back of my head for a long time. And here it is.
Working On Myself: Why I don’t Want To Be Famous
A rainy evening in Nijmegen with Philip Zimbardo taught me something about fame. The audience ignored 44 years of his work on everyday heroism and only wanted juicy details from the Stanford Prison Experiment. Watching him answer the same questions for a lifetime convinced me: fame is a prison, and I would rather keep working on myself.
Should You Consider Working As a Career Advisor?
The bright side of career advisory gets plenty of airtime. Here is the other side: it is hard to get noticed, easy to get robbed, your private life can melt, clients flood you with regrets, and the job is never done. Twenty honest reasons to think twice before becoming a career strategist.
The Only Justice in the World
In general, this world is not just. Some people are born more wealthy than others. Some people are born prettier than others. Some people naturally have more energy than others. Some people learn faster than others. Some people, for some reason, receive more recognition and appreciation for their work than others. But, there is one thing just for all.
The Signs In Your Career Development
Are there any signs in heaven and earth that can tell us along the way what we should eventually be doing in our professional lives — these little cues thrown to our feet along the way that we tend to ignore until there are so many of them that the truth just becomes obvious?
What You Should Know Before Starting a PhD
This blog post is dedicated to Master students who are at the end of their Master’s programs, and consider going to grad school. What are the pros and cons of going for the academic career, as compared to starting an industry job? What is the best motivation to start a PhD?
The Balance Theory
Have you ever wondered why whenever two of your friends argue, you immediately get that itchy feeling that this will end up badly for you in one way or another? Or why, once you have just one conflict in a group of people, it starts propagating across the group like a virus? There is a forgotten theory in psychology that explains all this.
Why Is It Cool To Work As a Career Advisor?
The past few weeks were quite interesting — I had some strange symptoms. I lost a lot of weight, I was often blushing, I was putting on loud Tiësto music and jumping around my garage like a maniac, and I was walking around the park and laughing to myself like an idiot. In other words, I had some strong signs of affection.
High-flyers
When working with academics planning their first post-PhD jobs in the industry, one pattern keeps coming back: the more accomplished the person is in academic terms, the more difficult time they have with finding their first jobs outside academia. The underdogs on the other hand — the early career researchers who are nowhere near that accomplished, and who are often disrespected by their bosses and considered poor academics — are much quicker and more accurate in finding their next career paths. Often happier there as well.
The Jobs of the Future
It’s not a secret that both the Millennials and the Z-generation are vision- or mission-oriented. Young people are no longer looking for a paycheck in their jobs, but also a broader purpose (or, from Japanese, ikigai). This can have really interesting long-term consequences for the job market. In particular, one new type of job that is going to emerge soon.
Things I Learned In Academia, For The Good And For The Bad
Today, I would like to list a few things that I learned while doing science for the last 8 years. Some of these habits are helpful and make my life much easier now, while other things actually make my life harder.
How Would You Like (Them) To Feel? On Relations in Career Development
Interviewing people with interesting (and difficult!) career paths and rare professions, yields interesting conclusions. Namely, these people they tend to share one interesting characteristic: from a very early age, they know what role towards other people they would prefer to play.
A Wrinkle In Time. What Influences Our Personal Development?
Recently, I was invited to record a podcast for the PhD Career Stories series. The point of this episode, was to explain how I found myself in the place I am in right now, both career-wise and mentally. This is always an interesting question as most people—including me—are rather poor at assessing the real causes of events that happen to them. In the process of recording that episode, I realized a few important things about how the past influences the present that I would like to share here.
What I Learned This Year. My Personal Development In 2019
2019 was the year I left academia for good and started a company. Ten lessons from it: my work has value, do it first and talk later, little addictions ruin your life, choose people carefully, select the information you let in, haters gonna hate, and I adore talking to people about their careers.
Hush-hush
In kindergarten, most of my peers wanted to become either models, actors, or doctors when they grow up. For a change, I was jealous of priests, and of the fact that they are allowed to listen to people’s confessions for the whole days. I wanted to know the truth about people, however dirty this truth might be. And, I was bitter thinking that I would actually never become a priest. Until I did.
Navigate
I was always wondering why some people are so lucky in life – they are neither geniuses nor work that hard, yet always find themselves in the right place at the right moment, gather the right people around them, embark on the best projects or get the best jobs. Now I think I know.
People Is the Answer
It’s been a long road up to this point, since I left my parents’ place at the age of 18. But, when I look back at the past 15 years, I some some patterns clearly, coming over over again. First of all, I see that there is only one asset which has been systematically accumulating over these 15 years. It was not money, which you can easily lose in the nearest bubble. It was not knowledge, which can become useless once you change the discipline or profession. It was actually people.
How I Became a Business Developer
I always thought that the common beliefs that everything happens for a reason, and that eventually, you will start connecting the dots, is a pseudo-intellectual bullshit sold to the masses for big bucks by Tony Robbins and others alike. And now, I am starting to wonder.
A Toxic Relationship
Sometimes, only a real thunderstorm can make you realise that you have been in one and only toxic relationship for all your life – a relationship with your work.
These Dark Hours
The peak is so close; glowing somewhere on the horizon, yet looking like a fata morgana – step after step, and you do not feel like you are coming any closer. I felt exactly the same way while approaching the peak of Kilimanjaro in 2013. I am making this last effort in order to finally submit my PhD thesis now. And this will happen in literally a few hours. I expected it would feel orgasmic, but instead, it feels like a sad relief. Yet, I would like to capture this moment – just for the sake of memory. Maybe one day, I would get back to what I felt when I realised that all this tantalising pain is finally over.
Respect
According to a common opinion, former researchers tend to function really well as entrepreneurs. This is true. However, there is one useful quality missing in academia – which turned out to be very painful to me when I went a little bit more into the entrepreneurial direction. Namely, in academia, no one teaches us how to value our time.
Real Choices, Fake Choices
At some point I realised that the decision on whether or not to stay in academia – or in other words, whether to do research or focus on commercial projects instead – is not the real choice I need to make right now. In fact, the real choice is: how much am I willing to risk? Let me explain.
Born to Do It
One insight I remember from all the motivational books and movies I ever consumed is that, entrepreneurs always underscore how difficult it is to go against your relatives and friends when it comes to risking, investing and dropping day jobs on behalf of starting new ventures. In my case, family and friends react completely differently than in most cases I ever heard of – and it gives me goose bumps.
15 Years Later
I spent Christmas among family and friends quite as every time before. However, this time, I also had a few afterthoughts as there are some examples of common knowledge that stroke me really hard. You might hear some simple truths from your parents and teachers over and over again – or read about it from motivational books – but after all, you only learn how important they are when you see the consequences in real life.
The Gap Year – Vol. 2
Seven more lessons from my gap year after the PhD: sleep beats all-nighters, I care more about neuroscientists than neuroscience, a cash buffer matters, friends go but family stays, clear goals work, meetups outside your bubble are the third way, and word of mouth beats job boards.
Mission: Impossible
How to predict the future? That’s the whole difficulty when it comes to making any choices, from choosing the right studies, through choosing the right friends, choosing the right investments, to choosing the right projects at work. A mundane, typical scientist (such as me) can produce one, two, sometimes three first-author publications per year – not much more is physically possible. In such a situation, it is crucial to choose the right projects.
What Trading Gave Me, and What It Stole from Me
Since a few weeks I have been doing research projects again, as opposed to past few months when I was mostly trading instead of doing any science. My aim was to work out an independent source of funding for myself, but also to rest from science for a little while in order to see if this relationship has a chance to last forever. So, trading turned out to be a refreshment of a particularly painful sort, as it did not make my daily life any easier – rather the opposite.
Trading
Recently, we have a lot of new, interesting markets to skyrocket, including cryptocurrencies, marijuana pots, and others. This gave me an incentive to search out for passive income in these markets. But, when I entered the world of trading, I didn’t know how difficult and disturbing my new life can be.
A Note on TeamWork
Yesterday was a nostalgic day not only for me, but for every Polish person there is. The reason is because one of our little heroes, Tomasz Mackiewicz, is dying in Karakorum, and no one can really save him from death at this point. Climbing in Himalayas can seem like a distant and exotic concept, but one thing we can definitely learn from mountaineers is a team work.
The Three-legged Stool
Today, the concept of a job is far from the original concept at the times of the industrial revolution. Back then, a worker was a person who wakes up in the morning, and leaves their household for the most of the day, in order to sell their time in an exchange for a salary. Having a job meant a physical work. Today, the job market is much more diverse – complex but also full of possibilities.
A Villain Is a Hero of Another Side
As every PhD student at the end of the contract, I slowly get the idea that publishing papers is a minor problem in a researcher’s life. There other, more painful issues, such as the environment fractioning into ‘team Brown’, ‘team Green’ et cetera – especially in circles developing new methods for data analysis. Such friendships and antipathies that last for ages before you even found yourself in the community, and once you appear as a fresh person, you do not necessarily understand why you are actually expected to love Mr Brown and hate Mr Green.
The Source of Disease
As a scientist, you are doomed to live in a shadow of deadlines, short contracts, and mutual dependencies as you are by definition bound to a dynamic web of people, some of whom might behave differently than expected. The collateral stress is inevitable whenever you are a good or a bad worker. And if you ask your family and friends about what to do with yourself in such conditions, they will all tell you: go for a walk, meditate, go to spa, relax, go to a therapy, grow flowers, stare at the blue sky, listen to your favourite music. All these activities are superficial and do not solve the true problem.
How To Deal with Students as a PhD Candidate?
Initially, I was hesitating for a long time if I can even manage to supervise a student. Namely, if I will be able to catch some good vibes and keep on going regardless of little bumps on the way which naturally pop out during research: you try and fail, and then try and fail again and again… But now, I must say that supervising students is a wonderful experience to me, and I consider it – so far – the most fulfilling part of the PhD track.
The Power Animal
Los Angeles has such a rich religious culture. From scientologists, through the Unitarian Universalists, to shamanistic associations. Every time you start talking to a new person, you can end up with a private lecture on an unexpected, spiritual topic. This time, two folks I met at a cheap hostel on Hollywood Boulevard took me to a shamanic workshop — where I found my power animal.
To Be or Not to Be… a Sociopath
I noticed lots of similarities between the life of a scientist and a DJ. DJs spend their days creating music in the studio, behind closed doors, on their own. Then they go out to the crowd to play the new pieces during huge events. Once you are successful, everyone expects only high-class hits from now on. Can you then still be faithful to the rules you vowed to yourself at the start?
The Course at Genetics
These days, I was thinking a lot about all the factors that hindered my development during the first three years of my PhD. Every time I deliberate on this topic, I come to the same conclusion: the biggest problem I had was being driven by fear. Now the time has come to learn some genetics — and I resolve to do it without opening a single textbook.
Competitiveness
What does the competitiveness come from? It is not a very prominent feature of the Dutch society – this society is more about equity and cooperation. No wonder: once you look at the educational program at the Dutch primary schools, the first class they ever have is ‘working in teams’. Which is very much in opposition to Polish schools where they were always telling us to compete.
Going Dark
I sometimes wonder what happens during the maturation process, when people slowly turn from fragile, troubled and empathic PhD students into a bit psychopathic, emotionless and calculated bosses. Everyone believes they will never copy their PIs’ mistakes. So how does it happen? A dispute with my neighbours gave me a hint.
Teaching
Recently I started teaching, and I have a plentora of feelings relating to this new experience. First to say, it is definitely true what they say: 80% of our fears is completely unnecessary.
All These Exams
I was studying extensively in Warsaw, where I was going through three Master programs at a time. Throughout my studies, I experienced a lot of less and more painful exams. Some were funny, some were nerve wrecking. I think the fact that I had such a long list of exams and qualifications to take, might play a positive role on the general stress resilience.
My Friend and Me
There were the two of us: I was the sense, she was the sensibility. We met fifteen years ago as second year high school students, and we were close friends ever since. I think we were both sort of gifted, hard working and enthusiastic but there was one major difference between us.
End of the Year Summary
The end of the year is coming, which is a perfect occasion for little considerations of what happened in 2015, and what is, hopefully, about to happen in 2016. Some of my goals were achieved and some other goals I have to put on hold. However, in general, I feel that I am going towards the right direction.
The Mainstream
At the times I was studying at the University of Warsaw, there was no mainstream neuroscience I might have possibly experienced.
Second Life
Current November is probably the happiest November by far, even after correction for the weather. You know, when you are a researcher, every happy day is a success itself. And, in addition to that, if you are an ex-depressed person, every happy day is one step away from death and one step towards life. You’ve got to fight for every single day, literally.
Imposter Syndrome
I just had a really wild attack of the imposter complex. This is when you feel that others overestimate your mental and physical capabilities. Pretty much everyone is academia suffers from it, it is just that some people overcome this effect better than others.
Overcoming Fears
Human brain can rewire so quickly… I remember the rainy days four years ago when I first came to Nijmegen and tried to survive at the very place. During my studies I hadn’t had too many programming courses, neither I had opportunities to present science. No wonder that programming and presentations were my two biggest nightmares. Now, they are my two favourite and most relaxing activities at work.
Impossible Is Nothing: I Am Buying a House in Nijmegen!
Once in a while, you have that feeling that you are going through a period when lots of extraordinary things happen one after another. These are some truly career-defining moments that change your life and that you will never forget. It was certainly one of them.
What Do Successful People Say
Singers, sportsmen, writers, famous bloggers and motivational speakers, Noblists, inventors, enterpreneurs and famous CEOs. All these people think shockingly similar about the rules for success.
Summary of 2014: What Happened?
What is true passion? The passionate and the non-passionate will never understand each other, and the Dutch are not passionates, that’s all. I realize it every time I cross the border with Poland, when I see my friends, when I talk to random people on the train. They have that fire in their eyes.
On Academia and Whereabouts: Insights From Grad School
In this blog post, I list my recent insights from grad school: on academic structure, team work, and effective networking at conferences. I hope that in case you are an early-stage researcher, these insights turn out to be helpful to you!
Postcard From the Mountains: What Hiking Taught Me About Science
Academic life is not easy. “The closer to the sky, the closer to hell.” Well, so far, I manage somehow but it took me a long time to grow this skin. Hiking helped me get tougher and persevere. So, I created a list of 21 things that mountaineering has taught me about science so far. Some are obvious and cliché, but I hope some of them will be useful to you.
On Those Who Gave Up On Their Dreams / Working On My Physical Condition
I am slowly breaking down the physical barriers I was stuck in. Before I lost my job and my dream guy, I was a couch potato who worked out maybe an hour a week. Then I decided to become an athlete: daily workouts, the top of Kilimanjaro, a mountaineering course, the 4-Daagse march, and finally the 100-km Dodentocht in Bornem, Belgium.
On Progress in My PhD and in Life
- I’m thrilled about my PhD progress, particularly programming a game for mice using Blender. Despite challenges, like the flu, this project feels incredibly rewarding and aligns perfectly with my academic background.
- Reflecting on life, I’ve noticed that as I age, my connections with people evolve. Surprisingly, by focusing less on relationships, I’ve met many fascinating individuals, especially during my travels and after moving closer to the university.
- I’ve also grown more philosophical, trusting that setbacks, like my stock market loss, happen for a reason. This belief in a higher purpose helps me balance my professional goals with personal contentment.
Summer School in Chile
My first visit to South America was eye-opening, where I experienced a mix of Americanized culture, high prices despite being a third-world region, and evident social inequalities, especially in places like Panama City. Living with a Chilean family taught me about resourcefulness and the warmth of the locals, who even renovated their home out of excitement for hosting a European guest. This experience sparked new ideas for my dream home. The summer school in Chile was transformative. I learned to focus on my own growth rather than comparing myself to others, which led to personal success, new connections, and a renewed belief in my ability to tackle challenging projects.
Rough Beginnings of a Doctoral Program
I find great satisfaction in achieving internal coherence by aligning my professional and personal pursuits, like studying the brain and pushing my physical limits in mountaineering. This balance brings clarity and purpose to my life. Mountaineering has taught me valuable lessons about setting clear goals, assembling the right tools and team, and maintaining focus. These principles have significantly reduced my work-related stress and increased my confidence in my PhD project. My new PhD project on ADHD is both ambitious and challenging, involving cutting-edge research techniques like optogenetics and two-photon imaging. While risky, I am confident in my ability to succeed, as my experiences have strengthened my resilience.
Like a Machine
I’m juggling two complex neuroscience projects—one focusing on expansive brain networks with fMRI, and the other on optogenetics and two-photon imaging in mice. Balancing these tasks with my role in the PhD council and workshop organization is a true test of my abilities. Despite initial fears of sharing unpublished work, I’ve learned that presenting findings at conferences can lead to valuable connections with journal editors. This has changed my approach, making me more open to collaboration and peer review. Beyond my academic commitments, I’m planning a move to save money and prepare for future travels, including a challenging hike up Gerlach in the Tatra Mountains. My systematic upbringing helps me manage a busy life filled with to-do lists and ambitious goals.
Don’t Sleep! Sightsee
After returning from the Society for Neuroscience Annual Meeting in San Diego, I realized the importance of being selective with information. Neuroscience has grown so vast that it’s impossible to grasp everything, and I now focus on the essentials rather than trying to absorb it all. My perspective on working in the USA has shifted. While I used to fear the American work culture, I’ve become more confident and open to the idea of living and working there. I now understand that when you enjoy your work and stay active, you can handle the demands with enthusiasm. My recent experiences have brought me a newfound sense of well-being and optimism. Regular travel and daily exercise have boosted my spirits, and I’m determined to maintain this positive mindset as I continue pursuing my passions and professional goals.
A Visit to a Dutch TV Station
Despite recent successes and a new approach to prayer, my collaborative effort on an abstract for an invited publication ended in disappointment when it was rejected, making me appreciate the ups and downs of teamwork more. On a brighter note, I was featured on Dutch TV for a program about mathematical theories, where I presented in a lively setting with circus performers, showcasing my newfound comfort and skill in front of the camera. Even with some personal stress and a minor health issue, I managed to perform well on camera and am excited for the show to air on October 17. This experience has highlighted how presenters can activate a special mode to stay energetic and positive on screen.
I’m Starting a PhD Program All Over Again!
Self-esteem is complex: it often feels like you deserve the best, but when you achieve something valuable, you might act defensively and risk losing it. Securing a doctoral contract with my own project was a significant achievement, yet I found myself obsessively controlling every detail, which hindered my progress. Realizing my self-sabotage, I’m now focusing on embracing my capabilities, remembering past successes, and moving forward with confidence. It’s time to overcome doubt and dive into work, starting now.
How To Develop Yourself in Academia
In less than two years in science, I’ve realized it’s much like the music industry: success often hinges on networking and strategic partnerships, much like Pitbull’s rise to fame through collaborations. I’m learning to embrace this “game” of science, understanding that building alliances and engaging with media can enhance one’s career and lead to successful publications. I’ve found my calling in Computational Psychiatry, where I use advanced tools to understand and correct mental disorders. This work resonates deeply with me, blending my engineering background with my passion for understanding the human mind.
A Lonely Spring in Nijmegen
Arriving in the Netherlands, I initially struggled with cultural differences and social norms but gradually adapted, finding solace in the open and caring atmosphere and appreciating the supportive social safety net. The complex underground lab facilities at my workplace fascinated me, revealing an intricate world of scientific research and providing a thrilling contrast to my daily routine. Embracing Dutch culture, I’ve engaged with local festivals, joined the doctoral student council, and made strides in learning the language, all while feeling satisfied with my job stability and increased salary.
Finding Your Way In a New Workplace: How To Adapt and Stand Out?
Transitioning to a new lab, I’ve encountered a bustling and noisy environment with more women and experimentalists, a stark contrast to my previous quiet and solitary space, making adaptation a challenge. My new boss has been welcoming and engaging, sparking intriguing discussions about consciousness and the role of the thalamus, which has rekindled my enthusiasm for neuroscience. Inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s story of persistence, I’m setting ambitious goals in my field, including a paper and conference presentation, aiming to make a significant impact despite the challenges.
Easter at Family Home
My family continues to amaze me with their accomplishments: my sister’s fencing success and publication in Nature Genetics, my father’s ongoing work with young chess players, and my mother starting studies at NYU despite initial hesitations. Inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s biography, I realize the importance of pursuing personal goals with unwavering focus, something I’m working on but often find complicated by my reliance on others’ expectations. Reflecting on my life and goals, I see a connection between my experiences and my work on cognitive disease modeling, as my mental imagery of overcoming challenges in the mountains parallels the themes in my manuscript.
How To Deal With a Sudden Job Loss
Recent weeks have been incredibly tough. After moving to a new country with my fiancé and starting a dream PhD, I’ve faced the harsh reality that my work involves abstract equations and impractical ideas, rather than meaningful neuroscience research. With the scarcity of new doctoral positions and funding cuts, combined with personal life constraints, I struggled with the decision to abandon my current project. Yet, an unexpected opportunity arose at a major Dutch hospital, offering hope amidst these challenges. Despite a contract termination and the pressures of academia, I’ve found a potential path forward. Reflecting on my experiences and conversations with friends, I’ve realized there are many routes to happiness and success. I’m now considering alternative career paths and post-doctorate opportunities, embracing the possibility of a fresh start in the New Year.
Preparing for Evaluation Day
Reflecting on the era we’re living in, I see both overwhelming challenges and exciting opportunities. From the rise of electronic money to the blend of cultures and the vast knowledge available online, today’s times offer a mix of awe and complexity. As my performance review approaches, I face a pivotal moment in my career. A potential three-year contract and a PhD title would allow me to focus on my passion in neuroscience, specifically exploring why people differ so greatly in their reactions and experiences. Driven by my own past struggles with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), I’m dedicated to understanding neurotransmitter networks to combat depression. This personal battle fuels my work and motivates me daily, hoping my commitment will be recognized in my upcoming evaluation.
Adventures With the Dutch Press
Over the past two weeks, I’ve experienced an unexpected turn of events when the Dutch press office discovered my new article before I did. Despite a lengthy revision process and challenges in my project, the press office was excited by the article’s catchy title and swiftly published it, highlighting my work while unfortunately omitting my co-authors from the University of Warsaw. This media exposure led to a whirlwind of attention, with numerous phone calls, emails, and interviews. My work on the mathematical model for relationship dynamics was featured across various reputable and less-known outlets, from major newspapers to niche blogs, showing the diverse interpretations of my research. Maintaining good relations with the press has proven beneficial, as the media’s interest and enthusiastic coverage of my research have provided psychological comfort and validation, making the routine challenges of academic research feel worthwhile. It’s a reminder of the importance of engaging with the press and leveraging university press offices.
Tips For a Young Scientist
Recently, I was struck by Prof. Brzezinski’s candid critique of conspiracy theories surrounding the Smoleńsk catastrophe. His statement challenged the prevailing political and media narratives, reflecting a much-needed act of bravery in Poland’s ongoing struggle with widespread misinformation. In exploring Noam Chomsky’s critique of Artificial Intelligence, I found his concerns about AI’s indiscriminate use valid. Chomsky argues that using AI without understanding the underlying data structure can lead to misguided conclusions, particularly in complex fields like genetics and neuroscience. Following advice from Peter Medawar’s essay “Advice to a Young Scientist,” I’ve learned the importance of being assertive and persistent in scientific inquiries. Rather than being overly polite, being bold and inquisitive has proven more effective in advancing my research and understanding.
My First Time at the Society for Neuroscience Annual Meeting
Attending my first Society for Neuroscience (SfN) Annual Meeting in New Orleans was a thrilling experience. Despite the conference’s vast scale, I felt at ease and enjoyed exploring the diverse sessions and interactions without the stress of presenting. Though I had to manage my expenses carefully, including spending hours at the Atlanta airport for compensation, the trip was financially successful. I found it rewarding to be frugal and still make a positive impact, with a small net gain from the adventure. I was pleasantly surprised by the scale of the computational neuroscience community and the engaging encounters I had during my spontaneous explorations. This experience reinforced my sense of belonging in the global neuroscience network and highlighted the importance of a supportive professional and personal circle.
…And I Defended My Master’s Degree in Physics!
Preparing for my thesis defense in medical physics was a whirlwind experience, filled with unexpected challenges and pressures. The past month felt like a blur of juggling tasks and confronting criticisms, particularly about the value of my hard work and the use of my annual leave. With the defense now behind me, I’m relieved and grateful for the support from my partner and the stress-relief from dancing. However, I find myself grappling with the lack of stimulation in my current environment and questioning the effectiveness of the Dutch education system compared to others. Amidst these personal and professional reflections, I found solace in revisiting my roots in Katowice and watching a film that resonated deeply with my past experiences. It was a poignant reminder of how our origins and struggles shape us, and a proud moment to see my local culture gain recognition on a larger stage.
Return From Summer Schools: Regaining Passion for Neuroscience
Returning from my travels, I’ve discovered a profound passion for neuroscience, driven by the excitement of exploring neural diagrams and engaging lectures. The diversity in the neuroscience community, with its blend of backgrounds and interests, makes every gathering feel like a vibrant celebration of knowledge and culture. My experiences revealed that faculty members, often perceived as perfectionists, are actually quite human, balancing their professional work with personal passions like dancing and stand-up comedy. This alignment with my own optimistic outlook on life and work has been refreshing and inspiring. Traveling through summer schools in China and Poland taught me the value of interacting with diverse, talented individuals and the importance of resilience. Despite challenges, these experiences have reinforced my commitment to reclaiming my personal values and inspired me to engage more deeply with my peers and the world around me.
The Open Field
Recently, I’ve felt like a rat in an “open field” experiment, where I’m navigating a research project that’s not meeting my expectations. Despite the challenging situation, I used my negotiation skills to gain the freedom to reshape my project completely, which has been a surprising and empowering development. PhD students often face frustration, with few achieving their ideal research experiences. This frustration is amplified by systemic issues in academia, where supervisors may be insulated from scrutiny while doctoral students endure rigorous evaluations. Reflecting on my experiences and recent conversations with my boss, I’m aware of the challenges and contradictions within academia. Despite the difficulties, I’m optimistic about the future and excited about the possibilities that lie ahead, both personally and professionally.
Preparing for Summer Schools in Computational Neuroscience
As I prepare for a summer school tour, I’m both excited and overwhelmed by the rapid advancements in computational neuroscience. The field’s vastness and the intense competition make me sometimes long for a quieter, more focused research niche. Recent high-profile projects, like Henry Markram’s €1 billion cortical column reconstruction and the Allen Institute’s $300 million brain slicing initiative, highlight the immense funding in neuroscience. While promising, they also attract a lot of pseudo-experts, complicating the search for genuine scientific talent. Currently undecided about my specialization, I hope the upcoming summer schools will provide clarity. My goal is to align my PhD focus with my true interests and ultimately secure a position that fits my career aspirations amidst the stringent requirements of the Dutch system.
Busy Days at the University
I’ve been accepted into three prestigious summer schools in Computational Neuroscience this year—Russia, China, and Poland. This is a significant achievement given the competitive acceptance rates, and I’m thrilled about the opportunities these schools represent. Negotiating with my boss was a challenge, as they were skeptical about me attending all three schools, fearing I saw them as free vacations. After a two-hour discussion, I convinced them of the value these summer schools bring to my research and future career. My schedule is packed with preparations, from finalizing my master’s thesis to preparing for intense summer school sessions. I’m also juggling various tasks, including a personal branding workshop, departmental meetings, and late-night lab work, all while maintaining a busy personal life.
How to Adapt and Push a Research Project Forward?
In the Netherlands, scientific presentations are all about flashy visuals and high-tech gadgets, which is a shift from my previous belief that understanding and excelling in your work should come first. I’ve started conforming by considering a Mac for its design appeal and engaging in the local culture of formal attire and provocative questions. To fit in with the university culture, I’ve begun socializing during lunch breaks and balancing work with occasional relaxation at home. Despite my reluctance towards posturing, I’m adapting to this environment, finding parallels between academic life and earlier school experiences, where impressing the authority was key. Currently, I’m grappling with a challenging PhD project involving complex algorithms to analyze brain network properties. Despite setbacks and delays, including working around a colleague’s limited availability and an unpredictable supervisor, I’m pushing forward and remain optimistic about overcoming these obstacles.
Work, Work, and Strange Events in the Lab
It’s February already, and the relentless pace of work is making it hard to enjoy any free time. Lately, I’ve been dealing with unsettling changes in the lab, particularly the recent expulsion of a skilled female PhD student whose project failed despite her best efforts. The fact that all recent departures from the lab have been women raises troubling questions. With a statistically low chance of this happening by chance, it suggests a possible bias or discrimination against women in the lab, especially during budget constraints. As someone aiming to become a good leader, I’m committed to supporting and ensuring the success of women in my future lab. It’s clear that women in male-dominated fields face unique challenges, and I intend to advocate for a fair and inclusive environment.
Steve Jobs’ Biography: Inside The Mind of a Genius
Happy New Year! Reflecting on resolutions, I’ve decided to focus on practical improvements like swapping mindless browsing with reading insightful magazines like Time or The Economist. Despite the temptation to make grand changes, I recognize the value in small, manageable adjustments. I’ve been reading Steve Jobs’ biography and found myself disillusioned. Jobs’ behavior, marked by self-centeredness and poor treatment of others, has made me question my previous admiration for him. His life story challenges my view that genius justifies bad behavior. Instead of idolizing distant figures, I’m finding inspiration in the everyday lives of people around me. This shift in perspective is more meaningful and practical, emphasizing the importance of real-world connections over idealized role models.
What Leads To Success in Learning?
Success in learning hinges on staying in touch with trends, building connections, and maintaining effective communication while embracing a flexible yet clear goal and a winner’s mindset. Despite initial challenges in the Netherlands, including high publication demands, I’ve found surprising success with a math publication and a revitalized project, feeling ahead of my colleagues. My enjoyment of light-hearted shows and unique quirks boosts my energy and provides insights into success, highlighting the importance of determination and personality over mere talent.
Hardcore Beginnings in Grad School
Despite feeling disconnected and buried under a heavy knowledge load, I notice real progress in grasping complex subjects. I am starting to connect fields and consider cognitive science to understand my work better. Above all, I am reclaiming the resilient mindset of my early teens.
Harsh Rules of Dutch PhD Programs
Two months into my PhD in the Netherlands, I feel overwhelmed by the complexity of the program and the high expectations, particularly given the low completion rate and the challenges of theoretical research compared to experimental work. Despite the pressure, I’m discovering hidden gems at the university, like the beautiful lake and insightful lectures from renowned experts, which add a sense of wonder and opportunity to my experience. I’ve learned about the importance of scientific integrity and the strict rules at Donders, reflecting on how even prestigious achievements can be overshadowed by issues of ethics and the need for vigilance in academic integrity.
My First Crisis in My First Job
I am grappling with a growing crisis at work: weak management and pressure to deliver rapid results on a task nobody has cracked. Barely a month in, I am already contemplating leaving. Supportive Dutch colleagues, and some intriguing cultural differences in presentation style, keep me going.
A Rough Start in Nijmegen
My start in Nijmegen has been rough: a disappointing room, an unhelpful rental agency, and one of the tightest student housing markets in the Netherlands. Juggling that with a demanding PhD is exhausting. Still, biographies of people who began in worse conditions, and Thelema’s idea of following your true will, keep me going.
On Intuition and Building a Career In Academia
After moving abroad, I decided to focus on one path instead of juggling several. Learning is a gamble: nobody knows which skills will matter later. Trusting my gut carried me through mathematics, game theory, and finally into neuroscience, and it keeps shaping how I build my academic career.
The Great Sorrow: On The Rise of Pseudoscience
A spring reflection on the sorrow that shadows ambition: why more work can feel like less accomplishment, whether women are really less happy, and how wealth relates to satisfaction. Then a darker trend: fortune-tellers taking over Polish TV while genuine psychology struggles for credibility.
Searching For a PhD Program Abroad
Lessons from months of researching doctoral programs abroad: don’t narrow your field at the cost of a good supervisor, choose a specific lab rather than a university ranking, read publication histories critically, and weigh the destination country carefully. Plus a few smaller factors that still matter once you leave home.
Internship in Neuromarketing / On Poland and Poles
I started an internship at a neuromarketing startup in Warsaw, survived a small crisis about working unpaid while peers land top jobs, and remembered how ambitious I was in primary school. Then a few observations on Poland: lenient courts, puzzling suspended sentences, and how it compares internationally.
Celebrating My Masters Diploma in Mathematics: A Short Vacation in Mikołajki
To celebrate my math diploma I spent five book-free days in Mikołajki. Back home, reality returned: PhD applications going nowhere, a Physics thesis to untangle, a math discovery made by accident, and a neuromarketing internship. I’m juggling everything at once, and the cure for the chaos is Woodstock.
I Got a Masters in Science! (All Over Again…)
I officially earned my Master’s in Mathematics, at the cost of 8 kilos and a week of sweltering July study. Passing rediscovered what I value most in myself: the ability to take risks and persist. In February I cried over algebra; five months later I held two degrees. Now the real adventure begins.
Looking For Your Own Path
Digging through old works, a PhD application met with silence, and a reflection on why so many people follow the expected route while looking no further than the US or UK. Plus a math thesis picking up speed and a half-serious question about the health effects of Coca-Cola.
Impressions From the Neuronus Conference
At the 3rd Neuronus student conference, I found a far more welcoming atmosphere than at competitive physics seminars. I explore Ramachandran’s view that qualia help build a coherent perception of reality despite incomplete sensory input, and a surprise student sexology conference led me into alcohol-induced mental conditions and their impact on criminal responsibility.
…And Then I Became a Translator For the Aviation Industry
A new chapter: translating aviation documentation, which taught me what information really is and why procedural language fascinates me. On the side, I started writing science articles for talented teens, beginning with the lemon battery. Reading my old notes, I realized how many versions of myself I have already been.
My Struggle With Algebra
For the fourth time, I failed my algebra exam despite working harder than on anything before. Prayer, pressure, and calm all gave the same result. So I am treating algebra as an unrequited love and getting angry enough to win: a battle plan of short daily sessions until the subject finally gives in.
On Astronaut’s Depression
After a long depressive episode, something unexpectedly lifted this autumn. That got me curious about why depression follows certain professions, above all astronauts: Buzz Aldrin, Lisa Nowak, and NASA’s research on isolation and connection. The conclusion lands close to home: social ties matter more than any other remedy.
What To Do With Yourself After Your Master’s Degree? Plans for the Future
This summer showed me life doesn’t have to be as dull as it feels, so I am weighing my options after the master’s: stay put in Warsaw, chase a six-year US doctorate, a fully funded three-year PhD in Germany, four years in Sweden at Lund, or a break from science altogether. Which will it be?
A Trip to California, Part II
After a few weeks in California, I have noticed that Americans can be more conservative than Europeans, especially at the beach and at the doctor’s. The friendly atmosphere and strict laws sit alongside a subtle but evident racial segregation. On the bright side, Californian tourism is refreshingly affordable, and my first baseball game was a revelation.
A Trip To California, Part I
My American adventure starts with a canceled flight and a night at an $85 airport Marriott, but I am staying positive. Despite pushing the baggage limits and feeling unprepared for coding, I am excited to see whether California is a good fit for me. I also completed the mandatory NIH course on research with human subjects, so I am certified and ready for lab work.
I’m Going to Caltech!
I’ve been accepted into the Summer Undergraduate Research Fellowship (SURF) 2008 program at Caltech, and I’m thrilled to embark on this exciting adventure in California! My research will focus on autism and perception, specifically comparing how individuals with autism and those without perceive and interact with faces. We’ll test the hypothesis that people with autism experience increased social anxiety, leading to reduced eye contact, using an eyetracker to measure gaze patterns on human and animal eyes.
On Charisma
For Friday night, I suggest a YouTube binge I call “professional entertainment”: “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” clips from around the world. I am fascinated by how some knowledgeable people stay so relaxed and eccentric, with a charm and charisma that sets them apart, and the contestants range from the clueless to the truly remarkable.
On My Internship Project at Caltech
My research project, and possible ticket to an internship abroad: why do autistic people avoid direct eye contact? Current theories point to the moving mouth or a general pull toward motion. I will test a different idea, that social stress drives gaze away, using an eyetracker on human and animal faces.
On Loneliness and Courage
I moved to the Medical Physics specialization, started a biomathematics thesis with a friend, and for the first time everything I studied began to connect. Specializing has a cost, though: solitude. A passage from Osho on the affirmation of loneliness helped me sit with it.