New Year’s Eve Afterthoughts: Gay Life in Poland Still Isn’t Easy…

January 01st, 2015


Psychology & Sociology

This text was fully written by humans.

  • I feel ashamed after attending a New Year’s house party with gay friends and realizing the challenges they face in the gay world, where appearance often matters more than personality.
  • The gay environment can be brutal, with individuals being ruthlessly judged for their attractiveness, and there is a high prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases due to promiscuity.
  • The struggles faced by gay individuals, including societal rejection and the constant battle for self-acceptance, make me realize that my problems pale in comparison and I feel ashamed of their previous concerns.

Getting Familiar With Gay Life in Poland At a Private Party.


I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed after the New Year’s party. It has never happened to me before to feel so ashamed after a party.


More precisely, I am ashamed to see how unimportant my problems are. It all started when a friend I met at a mountaineering camp suddenly invited me to Wrocław for a New Year’s house party with friends. She said there would be a few girls and a few guys, including two gay couples. 


I had no alternative plans. I thought to myself, “quite an exotic environment for a New Year’s Eve party, but what the hell I’m going!” And so I went. 


The house party was prepared for ten people. It was very nice and cozy: balloons and streamers, warm and interesting people, lots of food, good music, and some high school-style dance (read: in a circle). As it was a party with disguises, costumes, and especially wigs, were the main attraction of the party and everyone was forced to take pictures, putting on everything they could on their heads.


Getting Familiar With Gay Life in Poland — On Self-Esteem.


But to the point. At one point I moved from the dance floor to the kitchen. Then, I started talking to one of the hosts who lived with his partner in this nice household and another young man who turned out to be gay too, but single. 


They were both fun and cool. They were tall and had pretty faces. I was amazed that they had such a low opinion of themselves. It turned out that the gay world is brutal, and that appearance counts much more than personality in this world. 


Each of my interlocutors was previously rejected by potential partners many times because of their appearance, for example because they were overweight. I asked them how much they rated themselves as a potential partner in a relationship. One of them said he rated himself 3/10 until he met his boyfriend who he thought was out of his reach. And that he was now scoring himself at 7/10. In my opinion, assessing myself as a human being 7/10 is still not enough, but my interlocutor assessed it as his great success. 


But that’s nothing compared to the latter, which claimed its value was -5/10. Yes, minus five. I thought he was joking, but he wasn’t. He still had some problems from his childhood complexes when he was a fat child. He still thought of himself as overweight, even though he was very thin. Besides, he did not feel well about the fact that was a waiter with long working hours and a low salary.


His ex-partner had been cheating on him with a lot of guys. As a result, my new friend was nailed down in every way possible. I didn’t even know what to say to him. I am well aware that self-esteem is something you create in your own head and is often irrational. There are so many beautiful, talented, hard-working people who still have the impression that they lack something and wish to improve something in themselves.


How Gay Life Works — The Rules Are Brutal and It Makes Me Feel Ashamed.


In any case, the gay environment is brutal. It so often happens that other gays will ruthlessly tell you that you are not attractive enough or that if you want them to take care of you, you must first give yourself an enema because they will not touch an unwashed body. And of course, there is an epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases in clubs, caused by promiscuity. 


And the rest of society does not behave well either: families of gay individuals generally have a hard time accepting what is happening. If you are gay, they hope to change your mind for your whole life. People in the streets are so negative that it is scary to go for a walk alone after sunset.


I thought to myself that my own problems were far beyond what these people are going through. I wonder how to find a father for my children. For these people, such a problem is an utter abstraction. They don’t even dream about having children, but instead, they fight for a sense of dignity every day and struggle to accept their reflection in the mirror. I feel ashamed.

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Please cite as:
Bielczyk, N. (January 01st, 2015) New Year’s Eve Afterthoughts: Gay Life in Poland Still Isn’t Easy…. Retrieved from:

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