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Learn about me & my missionOctober 21st, 2011 | Hard Beginnings in Exile in the Netherlands
This text was fully written by a human.
- In this article, I describe my first two months in the Netherlands and how hard it is to form friendships there.
- I reflect on the cultural separation between colleagues and friends, and on why it is so hard to feel at home in a new country.
- After two months in the Netherlands, I’m struggling with the cultural separation between colleagues and friends. I find it difficult to form meaningful connections despite my efforts.
- Despite a hopeful invitation to a Dutch friend’s birthday, the event was filled with other foreigners. This highlighted the challenge of breaking into local social circles.
What Makes Breaking Into Dutch Social Circles So Hard?
- I’m feeling disheartened by the sense of exclusion and administrative barriers. Dutch citizens seem to receive preferential treatment, making it hard to feel truly at home in this new environment.
Why Is It So Hard To Form Friendships in the Netherlands?
Today feels somber. After two months, I’m gradually experiencing what many foreigners discuss here. This is the separation that the Dutch establish between friends, meaning colleagues and pals.
This makes forming friendships challenging. According to Jiang and Altinyelken (2021), international students in the Netherlands often report that limited initiative from Dutch peers is a significant barrier to forming close friendships.
I vowed not to lower myself again by going to clubs in hopes of meeting someone. This was especially true after six lonesome years in college.
I hold such a deep resentment against that experience. Because of this, I won’t wander around the city, engaging with random folks, even if it means remaining an outsider in this place.
Meanwhile, a glimmer of hope emerged when my Dutch friend invited me to his birthday. However, it turned out that all the invitees are foreigners, intended for his “educational value.”
Today, for the first time, I sensed that living in a foreign land isn’t all that easy. Accommodation and work issues are one thing, but feeling like an outsider is quite another.
Despite working here and not relying on welfare, I sense that everything isn’t quite tailored for me. According to Searle and Ward (1990), this gap between practical self-sufficiency and a genuine sense of belonging is a well-documented part of cross-cultural adjustment. It is not a sign that something is wrong with you.
Why Is It So Hard To Find Home in the Netherlands?
Dutch individuals get priority in recruitment agencies for housing, even though I’m paying the same fee. Dutch citizens are served quicker in various offices, handling official papers.
According to Auspurg, Schneck and Hinz (2019), this kind of unequal treatment in housing is not just a personal impression. Instead, their meta-analysis of rental-market field experiments found that applicants with a foreign-sounding background are consistently less likely to get a response from landlords than equally qualified native applicants.
And even at the university, documents are exclusively in Dutch, despite many employees being from abroad. According to Manatschal, Hasanaj, Ruedin and Borrelli, mobile EU citizens can face inconsistent bureaucratic treatment relative to host-country nationals. Meanwhile, the degree of favoritism shown to locals varies by administrative context.
This is the situation. Some might be destined for solitude; that’s the impression I get. I should perhaps detail all that I’ve witnessed so far: conferences, gatherings, presentations, opportunities, and such.
However, I’m feeling drained, so I lack the motivation. I’ve never had a large circle of friends, but it’s always been by choice.
Here, that choice isn’t entirely in my hands. Maybe I’m just having a rough day, and perhaps tomorrow will bring better times. Nevertheless, I feel somewhat deceived, as the Netherlands isn’t as welcoming as I had assumed since my youth.
Or maybe it’s a reflection of a disconnected environment that doesn’t naturally forge connections. It’s tough.
Please cite as:
Bielczyk, N.
(2011, October 21st). Hard Beginnings in Exile in the Netherlands. Retrieved from: https://nataliabielczyk.com/hard-beginnings-in-exile-in-the-netherlands/
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