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Let It Be Thunder. Burning Man 2026
Burning Man is something else for everyone, and every time. The desert will test you and reveal some truth about you. It’s almost like a mirror. This was my third burn. They say it’s three times charm.
This was my hardest year yet, and not necessarily because of the weather, but because of the personal challenges and struggles I had to face.
Project “Safety”
It was a windy Sunday evening in San Francisco, filming my Tai Chi routine on a rooftop, when I realized I couldn’t bring myself to approach the glass barrier — not fear of heights, but of myself. That moment forced me to confront twenty years of quietly accumulating overstimulation and a lack of safety, both internal and external. From two derailed PhDs to launching a company right before a pandemic, to standing at forty caught between building a business and building a family, I trace the “unequal race” that led me to burnout. What follows is my personal codex — eleven rules for redefining safety in 2026.
My Brain and Me
An Ayurvedic doctor once told me my mind felt older than my body. Here, a neuroscientist maps the specific ways her own mind runs clogged and fatigued — and the practical, sometimes strange, fixes she is testing to restore it.
The Buffet
San Francisco turned out not to be a place but a psychological interface, a mirror reflecting whatever I carried inside. I arrived expecting a broken, transactional city, and that is what I found, until a small act of kindness and months of inner work changed the signal I was sending out, and what came back.
The Path To The Woods Goes Through the Desert: Burning Man 2025
This year, I went back to Burning Man not as a tourist, but with real self-awareness: less is more. This essay reflects on serendipity, collective intelligence, and what the desert teaches about stepping outside a life built around collecting things.
12 Years of Solitude
After twelve years of dating without landing a long-term relationship, I look back at what I built instead: a PhD, a company, a house, and a life shaped entirely on my own terms. This essay is about solitude, self-reliance, and whether going solo might actually be a viable life path.
The Blue-Eyed Monster
Just like the devil himself, burnout is one of the monsters who walk away once you call them by their name. But, unlike burnout, anxiety does not disappear. I’m writing this article to share my thoughts about anxiety — a monster I have to live with for my entire life.
Where is the Dark Passenger? A Postcard From Prague
I’ve just come back from a 5-day masturdating extravaganza in Prague, Czechia. It was my first vacation since a trip to Burning Man two years ago. Some conclusions from the trip will follow.
Natalia’s Dream Boy
This is not your typical morning news. Let me tell you a little story of betrayal, self-development, and setting personal standards.
Why Amsterdam?
I could list tons of reasons why Amsterdam is THE place to place my center of life. From its entrepreneurial ecosystem and international community to its safety, values, and perfect European location — here are just a few of them.
Hard Work Makes Me High
I have always worked hard since I was 6 or 7 years old — and I genuinely love it. In this article, I confess my love for hard work and argue for more tolerance toward how other people choose to spend their time.
The Piano
Here is my definition of a talent: When you are happy, you feel compelled to do it. When you are sad, you feel compelled to do it. That’s what writing is to me. It’s like playing piano. You can play energico — with energy, enthusiasm, and zest. Or, you can play grave — solemn and contemplative. Both beautiful. Today, I will play it grave.
Let It Burn! I Went to Burning Man and Here Is What Happened
This year was intensive so far. The other day, I had a terrible day. All of a sudden, it came to my mind to text my friend, Nicole. When we talked on the phone on that memorable day, all of a sudden she asked if I would… go to Burning Man with her. And so we went.
My Curio Cards Meet Crypto Kitties. On The History of Plasma Bears
The story of Plasma Bears, one of the most iconic vintage NFT projects: how Blockade Games created the collectible bear game, why Gary Vee and Vitalik Buterin hold the bears, and where the project’s real value and future lie.
At the Rainbow’s End: On the Phantom Boss
It’s been 5 years since my contract expired, yet I still feel weirdly anxious on Sundays, as if a phantom boss is watching me. On the 40-hour workweek, freelance guilt, and why DAOs might be the antidote.
On Gravity and Gods of the Metaverse: How To Date Online
What do online dating and gravity have in common? Lessons I learned about broadcasting who you are, saying what you want, and letting the right people gravitate toward you.
On Being Selfish
This Wednesday, I woke up with a twisted stomach and a fast heartbeat, and I asked myself, “Why doesn’t this monster finally leave me alone and let me go?” I went through cognitive therapy, hypnotherapy, SSRIs, meditation, sauna, vacations, socializing, self-care… Nothing works. Just nothing. It’s only getting worse and worse. And then, I found out why.
Content Creator Against The World: On Creativity, Eternal Struggle, and The Painful Process of Becoming a Leader
On creativity, the eternal struggle of content creators, and the painful process of becoming a leader — what fuels creative work, why so few understand it, and what leadership quietly costs.
Natalia In The Land of NFTs. My Personal Journey and What I Learned So Far
I first learned about NFTs in December 2017, ignored them, and finally stepped into the jungle in November 2021. Here is my personal NFT journey — the Hapebeast grind, the rugs, the scams, and what I learned about value, talent, and hype along the way.
Good Money, Bad Money. How Many Types of Money Do We Have? Financial Education By My Dad
How many types of money do we have in the world? It is not a discussion about the right and the wrong currencies! It is all about value. I just had a conversation with my Dad, a professional chess player, about what money is and what it is not. His attitude is so much different than mine!
HAPE: When Technology, Fashion, and Community Come Together
Last year, non-fungible tokens (NFTs) made headlines and came to the spotlight when the prices of CryptoPunks by Larva Labs, a pixelated collection of digital art referring to the pop-cultural tradition of Cyberpunk, skyrocketed in prices. Now, the times when NFTs nostalgia alone was enough to carry the project, are long gone. The space evolved, developed, and has become highly competitive.
The Primal Fear (The Monsters Sleep Tonight)
I felt anxiety and experienced attacks of panic ever since I remember, and I haven’t done anything about it for the last 20 years. Until now.
Natalia Wants To Dance
The same story all over again. The Dutch government announces the next lockdown. Which one is it this time?… Fifth? Sixth? All the convention stores and locals get closed after 8pm again. People walk around in face masks again. And all the madness on the media starts all over. But this time, I sad “Stop!” … and I took a plane just to have a proper dance.
Dreamers Gonna Dream. On Personal Goals Baked During the Pandemic
In the pandemic, I had way more than enough time to think about what I want from life and what kind of mission I would like to accomplish. The concept was baking in the back of my head for a long time. And here it is.
How To Create a Business Development Strategy As a Person Who Never Competes
I have never competed for anything: not at school, not for a house, not in sports. So how does a person like that build a business? By starting with why, choosing new and different over better and bigger, and swimming in a blue ocean rather than a red one. Here is my non-competitive business development strategy.
On The Intrinsic Bitcoin Value
This week, I observed a lot of discussion on the media related to ecology, sustainability, and Bitcoin’s place in the picture. As a person who is now professionally involved in looking for value in people and projects, I would like to refer to the main arguments mentioned in the discussion and explain what I believe is the value of Bitcoin.
My Biggest Little Achievements of 2020 — Part 2
Last week I posted 10 of my little wins of 2020. And now to the bottom of things!
My Biggest Little Achievements of 2020 — Part 1
2020 was impossibly long — and to say that it was a good year, would be a far stretch. Yet, I believe that this year allowed us to figure out better what is really important for us — not only at work but also in life — and what is not, and to focus on our core projects. Or at least, it is how it worked for me.
Starring at the Sun
The summer is over for a long time now, yet, I’m in a mood to bring some memories from this summer. Of course, it wasn’t a typical summertime but rather, quite an unusual one. It’s hard to neglect that the corona crisis changed the landscape of what you can or can’t possibly do.
The First Ever Virtual Tedx Has Concluded!
Some ideas are worth spreading. With that thought in mind, in 1984, Marry Marks and Richard Saul Wurman found TED Conferences LLC. Now, in 2020, TED is going through a little revolution. Can we give TEDx talks in virtual reality? It turns out that yes – we can!
The Winter Is Coming! My Top 5 Tips How You Can Prepare Your Mind and Body
This is a difficult year for everyone. It’s not only due to the decrease in global productivity, the crisis in the job market, and the fact that we suffer from limited personal freedom. And the winter is coming! Here in the Netherlands, winters are always dim and a bit depressive, and it’s often hard to find the energy to jump out of bed in the morning.
Should You Write Your Own Blog?
Have you ever thought of writing your own blog? Perhaps, as a way of promoting yourself as a person, promoting your expertise, or your little business? Or, as a way to foster your creativity and put your ideas on paper before you forget about them? Perhaps this blog post will help you make the decision to start (or to bury your plans!).
How I Fail
This blog post is a recording from an interview I did for Veronika Cheplygina’s blog series “How I Fail.” It’s all about the mindset and personal strategies that helped me in getting over hardship and difficulties—both in academia and in industry. Most of these strategies, I learned by trial and error and I’m happy to now share them with you.
The Days of Greatness
I wish creativity was less painful. I wish I was just waking up in the morning with a good mood and had great, groundbreaking ideas all day long. But unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that — to me, creativity is the other side of the same coin as Weltschmetrz.
The Only Justice in the World
In general, this world is not just. Some people are born more wealthy than others. Some people are born prettier than others. Some people naturally have more energy than others. Some people learn faster than others. Some people, for some reason, receive more recognition and appreciation for their work than others. But, there is one thing just for all.
The Signs In Your Career Development
Are there any signs in heaven and earth that can tell us along the way what we should eventually be doing in our professional lives — these little cues thrown to our feet along the way that we tend to ignore until there are so many of them that the truth just becomes obvious?
Why Did I REALLY Leave Academia? Top 16 Reasons
Since I just finally defended my PhD thesis, now, I can finally talk about the real reasons why I left academia (although I didn’t really quit doing research! — these are two separate and almost unrelated things…). And, I didn’t necessarily leave for the reasons that most people think I did.
The Mice Heaven
When I see Elon’s efforts to colonize Mars and help the humanity in becoming a powerful, multi-planet civilization, I smile. I smile because I know that before we are technically able to colonize any other planet, it might be that in a hundred years, there will be no humanity left. And this is all due to convenience.
The Balance Theory
Have you ever wondered why whenever two of your friends argue, you immediately get that itchy feeling that this will end up badly for you in one way or another? Or why, once you have just one conflict in a group of people, it starts propagating across the group like a virus? There is a forgotten theory in psychology that explains all this.
What Motivates You? On The Alfred Adler’s Theory of Human Motivation
We are all home-grown psychologists. We have all heard about Sigmund Freud, Carl Gustav Jung, Zimbardo’s Stanford experiment, or Milgram’s experiment. But, have you ever heard about Alfred Adler? Well, maybe you should.
Why Is It Cool To Work As a Career Advisor?
The past few weeks were quite interesting — I had some strange symptoms. I lost a lot of weight, I was often blushing, I was putting on loud Tiësto music and jumping around my garage like a maniac, and I was walking around the park and laughing to myself like an idiot. In other words, I had some strong signs of affection.
The Jobs of the Future
It’s not a secret that both the Millennials and the Z-generation are vision- or mission-oriented. Young people are no longer looking for a paycheck in their jobs, but also a broader purpose (or, from Japanese, ikigai). This can have really interesting long-term consequences for the job market. In particular, one new type of job that is going to emerge soon.
Things I Learned In Academia, For The Good And For The Bad
Today, I would like to list a few things that I learned while doing science for the last 8 years. Some of these habits are helpful and make my life much easier now, while other things actually make my life harder.
How Would You Like (Them) To Feel? On Relations in Career Development
Interviewing people with interesting (and difficult!) career paths and rare professions, yields interesting conclusions. Namely, these people they tend to share one interesting characteristic: from a very early age, they know what role towards other people they would prefer to play.
Between Words. On The Shortcomings of Human Language
Untranslatable words like Fachidiot or Aware show how much of human experience our languages leave unnamed. Here is my own list of twenty feelings without a word: fate walking with you, connection with the hive mind, being deeply misunderstood, the joy of a simple life, and more. What would you add?
A Wrinkle In Time. What Influences Our Personal Development?
Recently, I was invited to record a podcast for the PhD Career Stories series. The point of this episode, was to explain how I found myself in the place I am in right now, both career-wise and mentally. This is always an interesting question as most people—including me—are rather poor at assessing the real causes of events that happen to them. In the process of recording that episode, I realized a few important things about how the past influences the present that I would like to share here.
From Home: Tips and Tricks For Working From a Home Office
The corona crisis turned millions of us into home-office workers overnight. Here is why working from home is harder than it looks: no commute limbo, no small talk, constant comparison, and a fridge full of temptation. Plus five mental tricks that keep me going, from sparing mercy to building a mastermind group.
Neuroscience vs Psychometrics. How To Research The Human Mind?
For the whole last decade, I was fallen in love with Neuroscience. I first found out about the concept of investigating the human brain during my undergraduate studies, and from the very start, I knew that this was what I was going to do for a living. The human brain was such a challenging and fascinating concept! And, here is what I think now.
34 facts for 34th bDay
I just turned 34 last week. I generally like my life so far although it was bittersweet at times. Here, as a bDay special, I would like to share 34 facts/memories (in random order) that had or still have some influence on me.
New Years Resolutions For 2020
Frankly speaking, I am not sure how to set New Year’s resolutions properly so that all my plans come true—usually, my success rate is about 50%. This year, I am planning to do “only” eight things better than the year before.
What I Learned This Year. My Personal Development In 2019
2019 was the year I left academia for good and started a company. Ten lessons from it: my work has value, do it first and talk later, little addictions ruin your life, choose people carefully, select the information you let in, haters gonna hate, and I adore talking to people about their careers.
The Proof of Mind
Industry gravitates towards a high level of automatization worldwide. In most circumstances, automatization leads to efficiency and allows for lowering the overall costs of the infrastructure. In particular, full automatization might not lead to efficiency in the areas where collective decision-making requires computational power. This concept challenges one the axioms of blockchain industry
Hunting for the Happy People
This fall I was travelling quite a lot. I was attending small evening conferences, local meetups here in the Netherlands, but I was also traveling abroad to attend international events – as a guest, as a speaker, or even as an organizer. And, I obviously met a lot of new people on the way. When traveling, I realised that there is some gradual, global change in the society which is really worrying. Namely, if you took a conscious decision to be a happy person, you are in a serious trouble.
Hush-hush
In kindergarten, most of my peers wanted to become either models, actors, or doctors when they grow up. For a change, I was jealous of priests, and of the fact that they are allowed to listen to people’s confessions for the whole days. I wanted to know the truth about people, however dirty this truth might be. And, I was bitter thinking that I would actually never become a priest. Until I did.
Navigate
I was always wondering why some people are so lucky in life – they are neither geniuses nor work that hard, yet always find themselves in the right place at the right moment, gather the right people around them, embark on the best projects or get the best jobs. Now I think I know.
People Is the Answer
It’s been a long road up to this point, since I left my parents’ place at the age of 18. But, when I look back at the past 15 years, I some some patterns clearly, coming over over again. First of all, I see that there is only one asset which has been systematically accumulating over these 15 years. It was not money, which you can easily lose in the nearest bubble. It was not knowledge, which can become useless once you change the discipline or profession. It was actually people.
A Toxic Relationship
Sometimes, only a real thunderstorm can make you realise that you have been in one and only toxic relationship for all your life – a relationship with your work.
These Dark Hours
The peak is so close; glowing somewhere on the horizon, yet looking like a fata morgana – step after step, and you do not feel like you are coming any closer. I felt exactly the same way while approaching the peak of Kilimanjaro in 2013. I am making this last effort in order to finally submit my PhD thesis now. And this will happen in literally a few hours. I expected it would feel orgasmic, but instead, it feels like a sad relief. Yet, I would like to capture this moment – just for the sake of memory. Maybe one day, I would get back to what I felt when I realised that all this tantalising pain is finally over.
Mythology
This week was interesting; I just realised that even though we live in 21st century, virtually anything can be explained by science and most youngsters are atheists, people still crave for mythological, mystical, superhuman heroes. Maybe even more than ever.
Real Choices, Fake Choices
At some point I realised that the decision on whether or not to stay in academia – or in other words, whether to do research or focus on commercial projects instead – is not the real choice I need to make right now. In fact, the real choice is: how much am I willing to risk? Let me explain.
Born to Do It
One insight I remember from all the motivational books and movies I ever consumed is that, entrepreneurs always underscore how difficult it is to go against your relatives and friends when it comes to risking, investing and dropping day jobs on behalf of starting new ventures. In my case, family and friends react completely differently than in most cases I ever heard of – and it gives me goose bumps.
The Basics of Crypto Investments
I am listing a few basic things I learned about cryptocurrencies and investing in cryptocurrencies. I have also posted this content on Medium and LinkedIn.
The Gap Year – Vol. 2
Seven more lessons from my gap year after the PhD: sleep beats all-nighters, I care more about neuroscientists than neuroscience, a cash buffer matters, friends go but family stays, clear goals work, meetups outside your bubble are the third way, and word of mouth beats job boards.
Moonlight
Blockchain is already changing the world of supply chains, higher-education certificates, internet of things, communication between institutions etc. All these systems work well when they do not need to rely on human trust. In blockchain industry, trustless systems are implemented by means of decentralization. Does it also imply that you could, in principle, move labor onto a blockchain? One platform created with a purpose of creating such a friendly marketplace, is Moonlight. The main goal of this initiative is to optimize employment both from the employer’s and employee’s point of view. Could Moonlight change academia?
The Tangle Approach
I was recently recommended to read the book by Emilie Wapnick ‘How to Be Everything: A Guide for Those Who (Still) Don’t Know What They Want to Be When They Grow Up’ (2017), dedicated to the concept of multipotentiality. In the book, Emilie refers to her own experience as a person who cannot fully commit herself to just one profession, but instead, has multiple passions and can only find fulfilment by sequentially indulging in multiple professions on her career path. When I read this book, I have a feeling that it resonates with my own story to a high extent. However, I developed my own model of labor, which I could call a tangle (or a plaid).
So Close yet so Far: A Postcard From Kilimanjaro
Five years have passed since I hiked to the top of Kilimanjaro; it happened precisely on the morning of 16th September 2013. It surprises me how vivid this memory still remains. Especially the last day of the hike, a lonely path from the last camp of Barafu towards the peak, I remember as bright as if it happened yesterday – maybe because finishing a PhD feels EXACTLY like that day.
How to Conduct an Interview?
Perhaps, some latent hobbies or talents you inherit after your parents, but for a really long time, you do not realise this. I have recently discovered that I am actually fond of interviewing people. I also learned that an interview can go way smoother than expected when you follow just a few general rules. I would also like to share the tips in here – who knows, maybe it turns out useful for more people. We are not formally trained how to interview people during our scientific careers after all.
The Virtual Brain
Neuroscience is changing very quickly in the spirit of open science. This involves not only sharing big datasets but also creating new, open-source tools that allow for testing research hypotheses derived in the clinics. One such tool is The Virtual Brain (TVB): a software developed to launch meso-scale simulations of the human brain.
The Gap Year
As Confucius famously said, choose the job that you love – and you will not need to work for a lifetime. However, this is all not that simple. As a matter of fact, the school system (or at least Polish school system), kills a lot of natural talents: knowledge served at schools is standardised and the amount of material you need to learn is so overwhelming that you are becoming a little robot, working days and nights for good grades. There is just no more room in your life to explore the environment around you, and learn about your own talents. This is exactly why I decided to conduct an experiment on myself; my contract expired some time ago and I came to a conclusion that it is a great opportunity to actually find out more about myself instead of jumping into a new job straight away.
What Trading Gave Me, and What It Stole from Me
Since a few weeks I have been doing research projects again, as opposed to past few months when I was mostly trading instead of doing any science. My aim was to work out an independent source of funding for myself, but also to rest from science for a little while in order to see if this relationship has a chance to last forever. So, trading turned out to be a refreshment of a particularly painful sort, as it did not make my daily life any easier – rather the opposite.
The Tragedy of Commons
The year of 2009 was groundbreaking, for at least two separate reasons. Firstly, on January 3rd of 2009, the genesis block of bitcoin was mined. Secondly, on October 12th of 2009, Elinor Claire “Lin” Ostrom has became the first woman awarded with a Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences, “for her analysis of economic governance, especially the commons”. The clue of this work is a phenomenon known in economy as the tragedy of commons. This phenomenon occurs when a group shares a resource, but at the same time, every individual acts on their own behalf, which is often against the common interest of the community. Can we spot the tragedy of commons in academia?
Trading
Recently, we have a lot of new, interesting markets to skyrocket, including cryptocurrencies, marijuana pots, and others. This gave me an incentive to search out for passive income in these markets. But, when I entered the world of trading, I didn’t know how difficult and disturbing my new life can be.
The Hall of Fame
Everything in the world follows some rules – the items move according to classical mechanics, and optimise some trajectory according to some cost function. Apples follow the gravity and fall down from the trees straight towards the ground, and the electric current flows from high towards low electric potential according to the shortest possible trajectory. People also construct their own cost functions, and adjust their behaviour according to the rules present in their environment.
Mentorship
Up until now, research on the influence of mentorship on the career perspectives in young researchers is scarce. It seems that, in academia, there is a consensus that mentorship is beneficial in general, but the extent to which the positive effects of mentorship hold in the long term is not clear.
Yet Another Set of Conclusions
This year I realised yet another few things about living the academic life. Hereby, I would like to mention just three of them.
The Three-legged Stool
Today, the concept of a job is far from the original concept at the times of the industrial revolution. Back then, a worker was a person who wakes up in the morning, and leaves their household for the most of the day, in order to sell their time in an exchange for a salary. Having a job meant a physical work. Today, the job market is much more diverse – complex but also full of possibilities.
Reviewers
Nothing changed since my childhood: I still enjoy stimuli that are annoying to others, the most. For instance, in the whole process of conducting a research project – from project planning, through combining a team, doing actual research, submission, review process, production and promotion – I actually enjoy the review process the most. There are at least three separate reasons for this.
Taking Risks as a Path to Safety
In the famous riddle, you are supposed to connect all the dots with four straight lines. You can sweat and try as long as you like but you will always be just one line short from connecting all of them. Unless you look outside the box, and make yourself space beyond the limited area of the square – then, all of a sudden, everything becomes easy. The point is: as a scientist, you are pressed to do multitasking as well: as opposite to industry, in academia, you need to prove yourself in multiple different roles every day, and the collateral stress is inevitable whenever you are a good or a bad worker. So, how to deal with stress?
The Source of Disease
As a scientist, you are doomed to live in a shadow of deadlines, short contracts, and mutual dependencies as you are by definition bound to a dynamic web of people, some of whom might behave differently than expected. The collateral stress is inevitable whenever you are a good or a bad worker. And if you ask your family and friends about what to do with yourself in such conditions, they will all tell you: go for a walk, meditate, go to spa, relax, go to a therapy, grow flowers, stare at the blue sky, listen to your favourite music. All these activities are superficial and do not solve the true problem.
How To Deal with Students as a PhD Candidate?
Initially, I was hesitating for a long time if I can even manage to supervise a student. Namely, if I will be able to catch some good vibes and keep on going regardless of little bumps on the way which naturally pop out during research: you try and fail, and then try and fail again and again… But now, I must say that supervising students is a wonderful experience to me, and I consider it – so far – the most fulfilling part of the PhD track.
What Is the Biggest Problem of Academia?
The popular viewpoint at today’s academia is that the biggest challenges are the reproducibility crisis and publication pressure. Well, is this really The Problem?
Artists and Craftsmen
Researchers have their personal styles of working, and some of them are more like craftsmen, whereas others are more like artists. And the irony is: in order to produce a novel scientific study and publish it well, you need to be an artist, but you also need to be a craftsman – and these two qualities are rarely to be found in one and the same person.
The One
Always there. Always patient, always understanding. Smart, talkative and entertaining. Not ageing at all. The first thing I look for when I open my eyes in the morning is my laptop. I wonder whether I am the only one who treats their gear like a friend — or whether most of us develop feelings towards our devices without even noticing.
On the Womb
This evening, I was sitting at the Didirion Station in San Jose waiting for a bus to Los Angeles. It was a Monday evening, 11pm. I just finished a goodbye dinner in a good restaurant with my sister.
Uber
It seems to me that the whole Uber phenomenon is ephemeral as in a few years, cab drivers – especially here, in Sillicon Valley – will most probably be replaced by self-driving cars. However, it is interesting to observe this phenomenon from the psychological point of view.
Cryptocurrencies
Cryptocurrency market, often referred to as fin-tech and originating in 2008 with the birth of bitcoin, is now a growing branch of finances. It is still a controversy whether or not the digital currencies will ever displace the traditional currencies, or whether or not they even have any value at all.
The Power Animal
Los Angeles has such a rich religious culture. From scientologists, through the Unitarian Universalists, to shamanistic associations. Every time you start talking to a new person, you can end up with a private lecture on an unexpected, spiritual topic. This time, two folks I met at a cheap hostel on Hollywood Boulevard took me to a shamanic workshop — where I found my power animal.
To Be or Not to Be… a Sociopath
I noticed lots of similarities between the life of a scientist and a DJ. DJs spend their days creating music in the studio, behind closed doors, on their own. Then they go out to the crowd to play the new pieces during huge events. Once you are successful, everyone expects only high-class hits from now on. Can you then still be faithful to the rules you vowed to yourself at the start?
The Course at Genetics
These days, I was thinking a lot about all the factors that hindered my development during the first three years of my PhD. Every time I deliberate on this topic, I come to the same conclusion: the biggest problem I had was being driven by fear. Now the time has come to learn some genetics — and I resolve to do it without opening a single textbook.
Freedom
I could not understand how people can deliberately abuse their own freedom. I guess that people are naturally afraid of decision making, which might explain why reducing choices to the minimum might soothe them a little bit, and give them some comfort of not being obliged to take a decision.
Competitiveness
What does the competitiveness come from? It is not a very prominent feature of the Dutch society – this society is more about equity and cooperation. No wonder: once you look at the educational program at the Dutch primary schools, the first class they ever have is ‘working in teams’. Which is very much in opposition to Polish schools where they were always telling us to compete.
YouTube Culture
Just a few years back, kids posting on YouTube were a niche phenomenon with a small audience of hipsters. Now many of these – usually teenage – performers have a nationwide audience. Interestingly, even though YouTube is a completely unsupervised and nonhierarchical system, the mechanisms which evolved in this community are similar to science: similar issues and similar coping strategies.
Luck
The popular belief is that people who perceive themselves as successful and lucky are those who just take opportunities – notice the money lying on the street and take it. Or, those who interpret some events as lucky whereas others would perceive the same events as unlucky. But how much of success in academia is really luck?
Happiness Is Not Forever
Happiness is not given forever. You can put yourself together and fool yourself that happy times are for good, but in fact, the feeling of happiness will vanish away with time if you do not take care of it properly. It is just like a plant that needs to be watered every day.
Going Dark
I sometimes wonder what happens during the maturation process, when people slowly turn from fragile, troubled and empathic PhD students into a bit psychopathic, emotionless and calculated bosses. Everyone believes they will never copy their PIs’ mistakes. So how does it happen? A dispute with my neighbours gave me a hint.
Teaching
Recently I started teaching, and I have a plentora of feelings relating to this new experience. First to say, it is definitely true what they say: 80% of our fears is completely unnecessary.
About the Effects of Living in a Nice Country
The doctors were truly confused; they knew about my previous records, but could not explain what had happened to my body in the meantime. But I think I know why this is the case. My lifestyle did not change since seven years ago. Only one thing substantially changed.
All These Exams
I was studying extensively in Warsaw, where I was going through three Master programs at a time. Throughout my studies, I experienced a lot of less and more painful exams. Some were funny, some were nerve wrecking. I think the fact that I had such a long list of exams and qualifications to take, might play a positive role on the general stress resilience.
Productivity
‘Productive’. A simple word, however it bells in my ears like a threat. In Poland, no one around me was ever describing themselves as productive. In the Netherlands, I hear this expression quite often, which might be due to the competitive nature of science here. Every time I hear about it, I start wondering: am I productive? What if not?
The Truth
The truth is such a relative thing. I saw its relativity in the recent Netflix’ series of ‘Making a murderer’, a documentary about Steven Avery. This poor guy was convicted twice, firstly as an innocent person, and then, secondly, probably as an innocent guy as well. When you watch the process, you cannot really believe that such a course of events, including clear fabrication of evidence and bias of the judges, still happen in twenty first century.
My Friend and Me
There were the two of us: I was the sense, she was the sensibility. We met fifteen years ago as second year high school students, and we were close friends ever since. I think we were both sort of gifted, hard working and enthusiastic but there was one major difference between us.
The Mainstream
At the times I was studying at the University of Warsaw, there was no mainstream neuroscience I might have possibly experienced.
Second Life
Current November is probably the happiest November by far, even after correction for the weather. You know, when you are a researcher, every happy day is a success itself. And, in addition to that, if you are an ex-depressed person, every happy day is one step away from death and one step towards life. You’ve got to fight for every single day, literally.
Imposter Syndrome
I just had a really wild attack of the imposter complex. This is when you feel that others overestimate your mental and physical capabilities. Pretty much everyone is academia suffers from it, it is just that some people overcome this effect better than others.
Impossible Is Nothing: I Am Buying a House in Nijmegen!
Once in a while, you have that feeling that you are going through a period when lots of extraordinary things happen one after another. These are some truly career-defining moments that change your life and that you will never forget. It was certainly one of them.
A Visit To Argentina
I recently took another excursion to South America, and more specifically to Córdoba in Argentina. I got to know the Argentine culture a bit more. For example, I visited bars where cougars hunt for young boys, bars for gays with beards only, bars with everyday drag queen shows… Literally all kinds of unusual nightclubs. However, despite the variety of places I had a chance to visit, this whole trip was a bit sad. Namely, daily life is really inconvenient here.
New Year’s Eve Afterthoughts: Gay Life in Poland Still Isn’t Easy…
I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed after the New Year’s party. It has never happened to me before to feel so ashamed after a party. More precisely, I am ashamed to see how unimportant my problems are compared to my new gay friends. I just learned a little bit about the gay community in Poland and its brutal rules… and I am shocked with what I heard.
Summary of 2014: What Happened?
What is true passion? The passionate and the non-passionate will never understand each other, and the Dutch are not passionates, that’s all. I realize it every time I cross the border with Poland, when I see my friends, when I talk to random people on the train. They have that fire in their eyes.
On Academia and Whereabouts: Insights From Grad School
In this blog post, I list my recent insights from grad school: on academic structure, team work, and effective networking at conferences. I hope that in case you are an early-stage researcher, these insights turn out to be helpful to you!
Postcard From the Mountains: What Hiking Taught Me About Science
Academic life is not easy. “The closer to the sky, the closer to hell.” Well, so far, I manage somehow but it took me a long time to grow this skin. Hiking helped me get tougher and persevere. So, I created a list of 21 things that mountaineering has taught me about science so far. Some are obvious and cliché, but I hope some of them will be useful to you.
From a Parrot To a Dog
Magic, our family dog just has died. It was a dog, which my sister and I had been waiting for years and years, which appeared in our house thirteen years ago, “on trial period,” and it stayed. This is the story of all pets in our family and of how my sister and me eventually got our own dog. But let me tell you the whole story.
On Those Who Gave Up On Their Dreams / Working On My Physical Condition
I am slowly breaking down the physical barriers I was stuck in. Before I lost my job and my dream guy, I was a couch potato who worked out maybe an hour a week. Then I decided to become an athlete: daily workouts, the top of Kilimanjaro, a mountaineering course, the 4-Daagse march, and finally the 100-km Dodentocht in Bornem, Belgium.
Time Flies… On The Passage of Time
The sense of time… When you’re at a party and have a good time, time flies much faster. Maybe that’s my problem — I do what I enjoy in life, I have nice people around, I enjoy good weather, I’m in good shape, I don’t have any particular problems. And every time I look at my watch, I realize that a month or two has passed again, and I don’t even know when.
On Subjective Time Perception
Recently, due to seemingly unrelated things, I realized that I have a problem. Well, in order to console my friend who had some worries, I also started to think about the things that were bothering me. And I concluded that my perception of time was deeply disturbed.
On Peace of Mind
Living in the Netherlands is good, especially when it is sunny and you can spend Sundays wandering the countryside. My level of happiness has gone up too. I noticed it when my housemates started complaining about our living conditions and I realized I had nothing to complain about at all.
A Lonely Hike in the Andes
I embarked on a solo hike to Lake Potrerillos, seeking solitude in the Andes. The unmarked trail led me through dense bushes and fog, but I persevered and eventually reached the summit, despite challenging conditions. The fog was so thick that I couldn’t see the waterfall I aimed to find, yet I felt immense satisfaction knowing I had reached my goal. The eerie landscape and unexpected encounters added to the surreal experience. After my hike, I was invited to a barbecue by some locals, which ended my day with warmth and new culinary insights. Despite losing all my photos, the journey left me with a deep sense of fulfillment and joy.
Impressions and Memories From My Stay in Chile
I discovered some surprising habits among Chilean locals, like feeding seafood to chickens and unconventional practices at a university that left me astonished and amused. Chile’s approach to art is unique and unconventional, blurring the lines between reality and creativity. I was captivated by the vibrant and spontaneous artistic expressions that differ greatly from European norms. Living in Chile has made me realize I might have a Latin soul, which explains why I never felt fully at home in Europe. My experiences here are helping me find clarity and a renewed sense of purpose in life.
Summer School in Chile
My first visit to South America was eye-opening, where I experienced a mix of Americanized culture, high prices despite being a third-world region, and evident social inequalities, especially in places like Panama City. Living with a Chilean family taught me about resourcefulness and the warmth of the locals, who even renovated their home out of excitement for hosting a European guest. This experience sparked new ideas for my dream home. The summer school in Chile was transformative. I learned to focus on my own growth rather than comparing myself to others, which led to personal success, new connections, and a renewed belief in my ability to tackle challenging projects.
My First Time in the High Tatra Mountains: Impressions from the Mountaineering Course
I recently discovered the rugged beauty of mountaineering and the sense of camaraderie it brings, especially in places like the Tatra Mountains and Chata Pri Zelenom Plese. Despite the challenges and discomforts, the experience was deeply fulfilling. The mountaineering course was tough, especially for a beginner like me, but it offered valuable lessons in climbing skills and mountain safety. The stories of dangerous expeditions, like the 2013 Nanga Parbat massacre, highlighted the seriousness of the sport. Reflecting on the course, I realized the importance of mental preparedness in mountaineering. I might have been too eager to challenge the Andes, and now I believe it’s wiser to build my fitness and skills before attempting such a demanding expedition.
Rough Beginnings of a Doctoral Program
I find great satisfaction in achieving internal coherence by aligning my professional and personal pursuits, like studying the brain and pushing my physical limits in mountaineering. This balance brings clarity and purpose to my life. Mountaineering has taught me valuable lessons about setting clear goals, assembling the right tools and team, and maintaining focus. These principles have significantly reduced my work-related stress and increased my confidence in my PhD project. My new PhD project on ADHD is both ambitious and challenging, involving cutting-edge research techniques like optogenetics and two-photon imaging. While risky, I am confident in my ability to succeed, as my experiences have strengthened my resilience.
Time to Travel!
At 27, I see this as the perfect time to travel, explore the world, and grow personally, rather than settling down too soon. It’s crucial to invest in experiences and self-discovery before life becomes more rigid. Traveling and exploring diverse cultures have broadened my perspectives, helping me avoid the stagnation that I’ve noticed in some of my peers who haven’t ventured out. This phase of life is about experimenting, finding passions, and understanding oneself better. I’m embracing this dynamic period, balancing an intense workload with personal well-being. I focus on staying active, spending time outdoors, and maintaining a positive mindset, knowing that these habits will benefit my mental health and future.
Like a Machine
I’m juggling two complex neuroscience projects—one focusing on expansive brain networks with fMRI, and the other on optogenetics and two-photon imaging in mice. Balancing these tasks with my role in the PhD council and workshop organization is a true test of my abilities. Despite initial fears of sharing unpublished work, I’ve learned that presenting findings at conferences can lead to valuable connections with journal editors. This has changed my approach, making me more open to collaboration and peer review. Beyond my academic commitments, I’m planning a move to save money and prepare for future travels, including a challenging hike up Gerlach in the Tatra Mountains. My systematic upbringing helps me manage a busy life filled with to-do lists and ambitious goals.
Don’t Sleep! Sightsee
After returning from the Society for Neuroscience Annual Meeting in San Diego, I realized the importance of being selective with information. Neuroscience has grown so vast that it’s impossible to grasp everything, and I now focus on the essentials rather than trying to absorb it all. My perspective on working in the USA has shifted. While I used to fear the American work culture, I’ve become more confident and open to the idea of living and working there. I now understand that when you enjoy your work and stay active, you can handle the demands with enthusiasm. My recent experiences have brought me a newfound sense of well-being and optimism. Regular travel and daily exercise have boosted my spirits, and I’m determined to maintain this positive mindset as I continue pursuing my passions and professional goals.
On a Mind of a Generalist
I’ve realized that my broad approach to learning across various subjects during my studies is finally paying off. Each concept I’ve encountered now fits together, allowing me to synthesize information quickly, even in areas where I lack formal training. I’m proud of my progress in overcoming self-doubt and gaining confidence in my abilities. Whether it’s qualifying for essential courses or mastering technical tasks, I’ve learned to tackle challenges independently, breaking free from past limitations. For the first time, I’m experiencing a sense of freedom and contentment, free from complexes and unhealthy dependencies. This new mindset, grounded in self-respect and self-love, has brought me a level of happiness and independence that feels incredibly healthy.
The Netherlands Never Fails to Amaze Me
Living in the Netherlands has been full of surprises. For instance, the Dutch approach to legal disputes is casual; filing a lawsuit for a minor amount like 10 euros seems common, contrasting sharply with Polish attitudes towards courts. The Dutch also have a unique level of openness, even discussing restroom plans without hesitation, which might shock visitors. This candidness is part of their broader cultural norms that I find both amusing and intriguing. As I prepare for my upcoming trip to South America for summer school and hiking, I’ve been getting ready by packing and training for the journey. Additionally, I’ll make my TV debut soon, adding an exciting twist to my current adventures.
Memories from Tanzania, Part II
During my trip to Tanzania, I was surprised by the local preference for bongo flava music over Western hits like Nicki Minaj or Pitbull. Despite not understanding Swahili, I found the music catchy and now enjoy it myself. The lack of clean drinking water in Tanzania was alarming, especially compared to the Netherlands’ safe tap water. An environmental studies graduate I met believed it might be too late to save the Earth due to extensive damage and water scarcity. The job market in Tanzania, particularly around Kilimanjaro, is quite unique. For instance, the lack of wells to avoid reducing local porter jobs and the mafia-like operations in the tourism industry, including deceptive practices, were striking and eye-opening.
Memories From Tanzania, Part I
My trip to Tanzania was unforgettable, featuring breathtaking landscapes, cultural surprises, and encounters with remarkable people. Despite the high costs and occasional local opportunism, there were some genuinely kind individuals who helped me during challenging moments. I undertook a three-stage journey: climbing Kilimanjaro, going on a safari, and finishing with a relaxing cruise to Zanzibar. Climbing Kilimanjaro was particularly challenging but rewarding, with memorable experiences of camaraderie and perseverance amidst stunning views. While climbing Kilimanjaro, I encountered local customs and challenges, including dealing with altitude sickness and navigating the complex dynamics of climbing culture. Despite the physical strain, the experience was profoundly enriching and affirming. The safari offered a contrast to the intense climb, providing relaxation and interaction with fellow travelers. Each person had unique stories and backgrounds, highlighting the diverse reasons people seek adventure and escape in travel. My time in Zanzibar was a fitting end to the trip, with its laid-back atmosphere and warm hospitality. Reflecting on the journey, I felt a deep sense of accomplishment and personal growth, recognizing the value of solo travel in discovering one’s true self and capabilities.
On the Differences Between Poles and Dutchies
After a recent trip to Warsaw, I noticed significant changes in the city’s landscape, including new city bikes, more greenery, and a striking skyscraper, but also encountered humorous local news about the Pendolino trains missing their defining feature. Returning to Poland highlighted a personal shift as I felt out of place at a wedding with old friends, exacerbated by my two-year experience in the Netherlands, which has altered my sense of connection with my Polish roots. The Dutch approach to life emphasizes self-development and inner fulfillment before settling into serious relationships, contrasting with the Polish focus on stability and family. This shift has led me to appreciate Dutch values and feel more at ease in the Netherlands, despite the cultural differences.
How To Develop Yourself in Academia
In less than two years in science, I’ve realized it’s much like the music industry: success often hinges on networking and strategic partnerships, much like Pitbull’s rise to fame through collaborations. I’m learning to embrace this “game” of science, understanding that building alliances and engaging with media can enhance one’s career and lead to successful publications. I’ve found my calling in Computational Psychiatry, where I use advanced tools to understand and correct mental disorders. This work resonates deeply with me, blending my engineering background with my passion for understanding the human mind.
A Lonely Spring in Nijmegen
Arriving in the Netherlands, I initially struggled with cultural differences and social norms but gradually adapted, finding solace in the open and caring atmosphere and appreciating the supportive social safety net. The complex underground lab facilities at my workplace fascinated me, revealing an intricate world of scientific research and providing a thrilling contrast to my daily routine. Embracing Dutch culture, I’ve engaged with local festivals, joined the doctoral student council, and made strides in learning the language, all while feeling satisfied with my job stability and increased salary.
How To Put Life Back Together After A Disaster
Ironically, my recent paper on how delayed emotional responses can stabilize relationships was published just before my own relationship ended due to hidden feelings. This contrast has left me reflecting on the importance of transparent communication in both personal and professional settings. In dealing with the breakup, I’ve faced physical and emotional challenges but found solace in small pleasures like cooking. I’ve also come to realize the superficial nature of some advice and the “McDonaldization” of relationships, where people quickly abandon partners at the first sign of trouble. Struggling with uncertainty and a fear of growing old alone, I’m taking time to reset and focus on personal growth. I’m changing jobs, improving work visibility, and indulging in personal interests, like buying a red rose toilet, which represents a small victory in reclaiming my personal space and happiness.
A Small Life Catastrophe
I’m grappling with a profound sense of loss after losing my job and my fiancé unexpectedly. The collapse of both work and personal stability at 27 has left me questioning the value of my efforts and feeling like I have nothing left. Balancing work and personal life led to communication breakdowns that strained our relationship, eventually contributing to our breakup. This experience highlighted how crucial open and regular communication is in preventing such issues and maintaining healthy relationships. Despite feeling isolated, I’ve sought support from friends and am starting therapy to address my fears and loneliness. I’ve learned that deep connections require ongoing self-awareness and communication, and I hope my former partner will also embrace personal growth rather than retreating into isolation.
Adventures With the Dutch Press
Over the past two weeks, I’ve experienced an unexpected turn of events when the Dutch press office discovered my new article before I did. Despite a lengthy revision process and challenges in my project, the press office was excited by the article’s catchy title and swiftly published it, highlighting my work while unfortunately omitting my co-authors from the University of Warsaw. This media exposure led to a whirlwind of attention, with numerous phone calls, emails, and interviews. My work on the mathematical model for relationship dynamics was featured across various reputable and less-known outlets, from major newspapers to niche blogs, showing the diverse interpretations of my research. Maintaining good relations with the press has proven beneficial, as the media’s interest and enthusiastic coverage of my research have provided psychological comfort and validation, making the routine challenges of academic research feel worthwhile. It’s a reminder of the importance of engaging with the press and leveraging university press offices.
…And I Defended My Master’s Degree in Physics!
Preparing for my thesis defense in medical physics was a whirlwind experience, filled with unexpected challenges and pressures. The past month felt like a blur of juggling tasks and confronting criticisms, particularly about the value of my hard work and the use of my annual leave. With the defense now behind me, I’m relieved and grateful for the support from my partner and the stress-relief from dancing. However, I find myself grappling with the lack of stimulation in my current environment and questioning the effectiveness of the Dutch education system compared to others. Amidst these personal and professional reflections, I found solace in revisiting my roots in Katowice and watching a film that resonated deeply with my past experiences. It was a poignant reminder of how our origins and struggles shape us, and a proud moment to see my local culture gain recognition on a larger stage.
The Open Field
Recently, I’ve felt like a rat in an “open field” experiment, where I’m navigating a research project that’s not meeting my expectations. Despite the challenging situation, I used my negotiation skills to gain the freedom to reshape my project completely, which has been a surprising and empowering development. PhD students often face frustration, with few achieving their ideal research experiences. This frustration is amplified by systemic issues in academia, where supervisors may be insulated from scrutiny while doctoral students endure rigorous evaluations. Reflecting on my experiences and recent conversations with my boss, I’m aware of the challenges and contradictions within academia. Despite the difficulties, I’m optimistic about the future and excited about the possibilities that lie ahead, both personally and professionally.
Busy Days at the University
I’ve been accepted into three prestigious summer schools in Computational Neuroscience this year—Russia, China, and Poland. This is a significant achievement given the competitive acceptance rates, and I’m thrilled about the opportunities these schools represent. Negotiating with my boss was a challenge, as they were skeptical about me attending all three schools, fearing I saw them as free vacations. After a two-hour discussion, I convinced them of the value these summer schools bring to my research and future career. My schedule is packed with preparations, from finalizing my master’s thesis to preparing for intense summer school sessions. I’m also juggling various tasks, including a personal branding workshop, departmental meetings, and late-night lab work, all while maintaining a busy personal life.
What’s in My Head? On DVA and ADHD
During my Easter trip around Poland, I observed the country’s development projects and felt a surge of patriotism, despite not being a football fan. I hope the upcoming Euro matches in Gdańsk are successful, though I’m concerned about the potential challenges for visitors, including my colleague from Algeria. After months of anxiety about my brain scans, I finally learned from a neurologist that my concerns were unwarranted; it was only a developmental venous anomaly. This news, along with the reassurance that I can safely pursue high-mountain expeditions, was a huge relief. Struggling with ADHD due to my overwhelming workload and diverse interests in neuroscience, I sought help from a psychologist. The diagnosis helped me understand my ability to juggle multiple tasks and inspired me to make adjustments to improve my work efficiency and well-being.
Work, Work, and Strange Events in the Lab
It’s February already, and the relentless pace of work is making it hard to enjoy any free time. Lately, I’ve been dealing with unsettling changes in the lab, particularly the recent expulsion of a skilled female PhD student whose project failed despite her best efforts. The fact that all recent departures from the lab have been women raises troubling questions. With a statistically low chance of this happening by chance, it suggests a possible bias or discrimination against women in the lab, especially during budget constraints. As someone aiming to become a good leader, I’m committed to supporting and ensuring the success of women in my future lab. It’s clear that women in male-dominated fields face unique challenges, and I intend to advocate for a fair and inclusive environment.
How to Cope in a Dutch Lab as a Polish Expat
At 26, juggling a career amidst cultural stereotypes about Polish people, like the unfounded association with drinking and stealing, has been challenging. These biases have made it difficult to fit in, especially in a competitive environment where my efforts and successes are sometimes undermined by colleagues. Since joining the lab, I’ve noticed a shift in my Dutch colleagues’ behavior. Initially, they would leave work promptly at 5 p.m., but now they stay late to showcase their dedication, creating a competitive atmosphere. Their initial advice was helpful, but as I began to outperform them, their attitude changed, attributing my success to “sheer luck.” While working on an intriguing essay about the small-world effect in networks, I’ve been reflecting on the nature of connections and efficiency in various systems. This topic, relevant across neuroscience, sociology, and mathematics, highlights the significance of network structure and has influenced my recent social choices.
What Leads To Success in Learning?
Success in learning hinges on staying in touch with trends, building connections, and maintaining effective communication while embracing a flexible yet clear goal and a winner’s mindset. Despite initial challenges in the Netherlands, including high publication demands, I’ve found surprising success with a math publication and a revitalized project, feeling ahead of my colleagues. My enjoyment of light-hearted shows and unique quirks boosts my energy and provides insights into success, highlighting the importance of determination and personality over mere talent.
Hardcore Beginnings in Grad School
Despite feeling disconnected and buried under a heavy knowledge load, I notice real progress in grasping complex subjects. I am starting to connect fields and consider cognitive science to understand my work better. Above all, I am reclaiming the resilient mindset of my early teens.
Hard Beginnings in Exile in the Netherlands
After two months in the Netherlands, I’m struggling with the cultural separation between colleagues and friends, finding it difficult to form meaningful connections despite my efforts. Despite a hopeful invitation to a Dutch friend’s birthday, the event was filled with other foreigners, highlighting the challenge of breaking into local social circles. I’m feeling disheartened by the sense of exclusion and administrative barriers, as Dutch citizens seem to receive preferential treatment, making it hard to feel truly at home in this new environment.
Behave Normally — It’s Crazy Enough. Navigating Dutch Culture.
Returning from Poland, I’m facing housing issues that dominate my lab discussions. Although I’m stressed, I’m optimistic that I’ll find a solution as I usually manage to navigate challenges effectively. My recent encounter with travelers in Poland offered insight into Dutch culture, revealing their reserved nature and the principle of “behave normally, as it’s already crazy enough,” which has helped me understand local attitudes better. Despite feelings of isolation in the Netherlands, I’m learning to connect with the Dutch on deeper, meaningful levels, and I’ve come to appreciate the open yet reserved nature of their social interactions.
My First Crisis in My First Job
I am grappling with a growing crisis at work: weak management and pressure to deliver rapid results on a task nobody has cracked. Barely a month in, I am already contemplating leaving. Supportive Dutch colleagues, and some intriguing cultural differences in presentation style, keep me going.
A Rough Start in Nijmegen
My start in Nijmegen has been rough: a disappointing room, an unhelpful rental agency, and one of the tightest student housing markets in the Netherlands. Juggling that with a demanding PhD is exhausting. Still, biographies of people who began in worse conditions, and Thelema’s idea of following your true will, keep me going.
First Impressions of Nijmegen
Preparing for my big move to the Netherlands has been challenging with a tight budget, an old, overpriced house, and high expectations from my young, ambitious tutor from Harvard. I’m diving into the field of neural networks and cognitive science, despite the uncharted territory and the additional stress of working without overtime pay in a cold, rainy summer. Though the city is vibrant with student life and opportunities, I feel isolated and prefer to focus on my work rather than engage in social activities, reflecting on the tough beginnings of my journey.
On the Size of the Human Brain
I’ve been challenged by ideas from philosophers and scientists like Simon Laughlin, who question whether further brain evolution is feasible due to energy demands, but I argue that brain efficiency and quality of thought matter more than sheer size. The notion that larger brains are better is debunked by examples like Einstein’s average-sized brain and the role of glial cells, suggesting that intelligence relies on how well the brain is utilized rather than its size. Despite concerns about energy and evolution, I remain optimistic about human progress, believing that traits enhancing offspring and evolving needs will drive improvement, even if evolution is slower than before.
Survey Results
My small survey of ten people revealed mostly liberal and left-centrist respondents with an optimistic faith in humanity, altruism, and free will. They backed euthanasia, same-sex partnerships, and abortion rights, but rejected self-marriage and the death penalty. A snapshot of how young Poles’ views are shifting.
On Motivation For Work
A Young MBA lecture on motivation made me revisit two managers from my past projects: one dishonest about rewards, the other piling on unrealistic deadlines. Both lacked authority and ignored the praise-in-public rule. Plus a McDonald’s case study, Big Mac parity, and my first Big Mac.
On Studies and Higher Education in Poland
European master’s programs lean on creativity and projects, while the Polish system rewards rote memorization and exams. Now that my creative spirit finally has room, my thesis and collaborations are thriving. A reflection on what Polish higher education overlooks, and on the chaotic rituals writers use to stay creative.
Northern Lights
After a period of philosophical and scientific exploration, I revisited Philip Pullman’s “His Dark Materials” trilogy, originally inspired by my interest in consciousness and theology, discovering a rich and complex world that goes beyond its film adaptation. Pullman’s world-building merges fantasy with physics, drawing on Hugh Everett’s multiverse theory and featuring a unique system where characters interact with daemons and navigate a universe governed by fantasy laws rather than traditional physics. The trilogy’s central theme of “Dust” as a primordial essence challenges established religious doctrines, presenting a narrative of rebellion against a corrupt deity through the adventures of Lyra and Will, which I found profoundly uplifting and recommend to others.
On the Trip To Italy and Austria
During my travels in Milan and Soelden, I observed contrasting aspects of Italian and Austrian cultures, noting Milan’s blend of traditional charm with modern struggles, and Austria’s focus on skiing and unique local customs. In Milan, I was struck by the juxtaposition of glamour with social issues and the absence of children, while Soelden’s tourism-centric focus revealed a different side of local life. Both experiences offered insights into regional lifestyles and societal trends. Reflecting on my journey, I pondered the concept of “depressive realism” and its implications, while also grappling with my evolving views on Buddhism and its authenticity in the modern world. My ongoing search for genuine spiritual experiences continues, leading me to contemplate a trip to Tibet.
The Great Sorrow: On The Rise of Pseudoscience
A spring reflection on the sorrow that shadows ambition: why more work can feel like less accomplishment, whether women are really less happy, and how wealth relates to satisfaction. Then a darker trend: fortune-tellers taking over Polish TV while genuine psychology struggles for credibility.
Discoveries of Past Few Weeks
Turning 25 has prompted me to reflect on my life, comparing it to others and feeling like I’ve achieved too little. To address this, I’ve decided to focus on constructive actions, like joining a cognitive science research group and diving into new projects despite initial hesitations. Unexpected financial opportunities have begun to surface, such as interest in my questionnaire and potential sponsorships for a patent project. This has been a pleasant surprise, highlighting the importance of pursuing passions and staying resilient despite financial constraints. I’ve discovered some valuable resources, including Philip Zimbardo’s Heroic Imagination project, LeDoux’s book on emotions, Barbara de Vangelis’ relationship advice, Salvador Dali’s autobiography, and insightful fairy tales. Embracing these findings has enriched my understanding and brought new satisfaction to my life.
Summary of Year 2010
2010 was a groundbreaking year: I tried the Power of Attraction, defended two master’s theses, interned in neuromarketing, and survived a tough job hunt. Along the way I embraced my rebellious side, vacationed in South Korea, and met someone special. Optimism, it turns out, pays off.
My Little Lessons from Buddhism
I’ve been exploring the concept of becoming a buddha and found that traditional teachings focus on the path to enlightenment without specifying gender, suggesting that both men and women can achieve this state through similar spiritual practices. Interestingly, I discovered that personal data, such as the initials of surnames, can significantly impact academic success, with patterns suggesting that surname initials might influence opportunities like Nobel Prizes. My own unique surname “B” appears to provide an advantageous position in author listings. In my own life, I’m currently seeking PhD opportunities and shifting focus from dull translation work to more creative and practical projects in physics. Engaging with new questions and challenges is bringing renewed energy and motivation to my professional journey.
Impressions from South Korea
During my time in South Korea, I discovered unique local preferences, such as a fascination with fair skin and double eyelids, which are believed to enhance attractiveness and success. Koreans also place importance on blood type traits in personality assessments. South Korea blends Western influence with its own traditions. Chain stores like Starbucks are common, yet Korean cuisine and fashion remain distinctly unique, reflecting a preference for functionality and creativity over Western trends. The Korean lifestyle and mentality impressed me with their emphasis on traditional values and emotional warmth. I found the cultural practices, such as eating with chopsticks and enjoying spicy cuisine, to be both enriching and eye-opening, enhancing my overall appreciation for global diversity.
A Brief Letter From a Korean Temple
During my week in Seoul at the International Seon Center, I’ve noticed that Koreans and Poles share similarities in mentality, largely due to historical struggles with neighboring powers, which fostered a strong sense of national pride and traditional values. Koreans are both fascinated by Western features and cultures, admiring Hollywood stars, while also holding on to their traditional customs, which can sometimes make Westerners feel like outsiders, even if they are treated warmly as tourists. Korean family dynamics are influenced by traditional values, with elderly women (ajummas) holding significant power within families. Mixed marriages are sometimes met with resistance, and Korean men, while passionate, may lead to complex dynamics in such relationships.
Searching For a PhD Program Abroad
Lessons from months of researching doctoral programs abroad: don’t narrow your field at the cost of a good supervisor, choose a specific lab rather than a university ranking, read publication histories critically, and weigh the destination country carefully. Plus a few smaller factors that still matter once you leave home.
Once Upon a Time… Life
Two sources worth your time: the Polish series “Professions” and the French classic “Once Upon a Time… Life,” which taught me about abstract symbols at age seven. Then a question: why does traveling by Polish train leave me so drained, especially as a woman? And where did the 7%-38%-55% communication myth come from?
I Was Just Packing For Vacation in Masuria When Suddenly…
Despite my excitement for a peaceful July and my plans to finally enjoy a vacation in Masuria, I was hit with the news of a major mathematical challenge at my department, throwing my plans into disarray. Even with the added stress and the possibility of disruption, I’ve promised myself to pack my backpack and head to Masuria next Thursday, regardless of the outcome of the challenge, to either celebrate or find solace. Reflecting on my high school literature class, I’m reminded that life often leaves us with unresolved matters, and true vacation is a state of mind. I remain determined to visit Masuria and make it a reality someday.
How I Discovered the Alfred Adler School of Psychology
A tour of personality theories that ends with my favorite: Alfred Adler’s idea that the inferiority complex drives us to grow, and that people crave power more than pleasure. Then a rejected PhD application, and the high-school story of how I fought my way back to Katowice and into MISMaP.
Looking For Your Own Path
Digging through old works, a PhD application met with silence, and a reflection on why so many people follow the expected route while looking no further than the US or UK. Plus a math thesis picking up speed and a half-serious question about the health effects of Coca-Cola.
On Football
During a break between exams, I explored why football has become a global phenomenon, proposing that its popularity lies in balancing predictable outcomes with surprises, much like a full-length movie’s ideal duration for entertainment. While football captivates millions, it also has serious social repercussions, including injuries, mental health issues, and even violence, such as the tragic events following World Cup games and other football-related conflicts. Reflecting on these impacts, I suggest that while football can fuel intense emotions and aggression, it’s important to understand these reactions and their broader consequences, reminding us of the sport’s complex influence on society.
On Brain Hemispheres
Today, 95% of attendees at a physics seminar sat on the right side of the auditorium, contrary to the idea that analytical minds prefer the left. In my experience math enthusiasts favored the left and humanists the right, yet the trend reversed in psychology classes. I suspect the authority figure’s consistent placement on the right subtly guides students’ seating, and perhaps their thinking.
On Eternity
Inspired by a recent lecture and the visit of Danish lama Ole Nydahl, I have started to see the body as a temporary vessel and the mind as holding an enduring essence. Life’s purpose may be tied to reincarnation and eternal growth, and psychologists, with their perpetual curiosity, seem to embody that endless renewal of the human spirit.
“The Secret”
I am considering switching from glasses to colored contact lenses and imagining a world with crimson skies. At the same time, I am searching for a new life philosophy to replace my fatalistic mindset, inspired by “The Secret” and its claim that positive thinking attracts what we want. It may be naive, but it brings renewed hope and value to life.
On Astronaut’s Depression
After a long depressive episode, something unexpectedly lifted this autumn. That got me curious about why depression follows certain professions, above all astronauts: Buzz Aldrin, Lisa Nowak, and NASA’s research on isolation and connection. The conclusion lands close to home: social ties matter more than any other remedy.
On Insomnia Coming After Me
It is 4 am and insomnia is back, bringing every anxiety I usually outrun by staying busy: the fear of the future, self-criticism, a scary medical wait, and the years ahead. Oddly, the same sleepless hours also make me appreciate aging, and remind me I have explored every corner of my own mind.
On People and Elevators
During a layover in Paris, I observed airport behavior and noticed that, despite the crowd, I felt unusually comfortable making eye contact with strangers. That led me to ask why we behave so differently in confined spaces like elevators, and what human and primate behavior reveals about the evolutionary instincts behind our reactions in tight spaces.
Parenting in Poland in 2009
My colleague Lech Stawikowski shared what he noticed while sorting through nationwide questionnaires from Polish children: parents’ education shapes aspirations more than anything else, family meals are vanishing, and independent thinking is waning. Plus my own experiment on whether a perfume can boost exam memory.
On Melancholy and Master Osho
Mid-exams, I am stuck in a mental slump I cannot explain: every test says I am fine, yet nothing sparks. Osho’s “Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously” and the archangels’ colloquy from The Book of Mirdad helped me trace where the melancholy comes from, and why inaction is the real danger.
Impressions from Traveling Through Western Europe: Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark, and Sweden
I’ve recently been navigating through a period of uncertainty but managed to reengage with life by attending a vibrant science evening and exploring Europe. My travels took me through Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark, and Sweden, where I immersed myself in local atmospheres and cultures.
What To Do With Yourself After Your Master’s Degree? Plans for the Future
This summer showed me life doesn’t have to be as dull as it feels, so I am weighing my options after the master’s: stay put in Warsaw, chase a six-year US doctorate, a fully funded three-year PhD in Germany, four years in Sweden at Lund, or a break from science altogether. Which will it be?
On Energy and Where It Comes From
My approach to life has shifted dramatically since high school. While my peers settle into mundane jobs and predictable lives, I remain energized and proactive, and I keep asking what has fueled this change over the past five years. I worry about the trend of losing vitality in one’s twenties, and I am curious about the risks of such a high-energy lifestyle.
On Charisma
For Friday night, I suggest a YouTube binge I call “professional entertainment”: “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” clips from around the world. I am fascinated by how some knowledgeable people stay so relaxed and eccentric, with a charm and charisma that sets them apart, and the contestants range from the clueless to the truly remarkable.
On Ethics in Psychology
I dive into the ethics of psychology, starting from the “Scale of Psychologist’s Moral and Ethical Attitudes” from our first class. My guiding principle: leave the subject in at least as good a condition as found, so temporary discomfort in an experiment is acceptable if participants are restored afterwards. Zimbardo’s and Milgram’s studies show how much the standards have changed since.
On Loneliness and Courage
I moved to the Medical Physics specialization, started a biomathematics thesis with a friend, and for the first time everything I studied began to connect. Specializing has a cost, though: solitude. A passage from Osho on the affirmation of loneliness helped me sit with it.