Why Did I Choose the Medical Physics Specialization?

After a long break, mostly due to juggling duties and managing my studies, I’m back to active blogging.

So much has changed since my last update. I’ve moved to the Medical Physics specialization at the Faculty of Physics.

Despite the name, it focuses on neuroscience, like analyzing brain waves and building brain-computer interfaces. I’m a bit disappointed, though, as the specialization has fewer classes than I expected.

Another major topic here is oncology, which is challenging for me since I get distressed by illnesses, especially cancer. My grandma passed away from cancer, so I find myself dreaming about it after just a week of classes.

Luckily, I’m still focused on my Masters Thesis in Psychology and my Bachelor’s in Mathematics. I’m still unsure about the latter, even though I should have decided by spring. It seems life has been a bit complicated for me.

What Is My Bachelor’s Thesis in Biomathematics About?

My friend Joanna and I are likely to work on a Bachelor’s Thesis in Biomathematics together. She’s already excelled in a class on this topic. And I’m currently enjoying a Matlab course and writing in LaTeX (even though no one believes me!).

We’re going to make a great team. And psychology work? It’s going to be exciting!

By the way, recently, I’ve felt a profound sense of completeness. For a long time, I was learning a lot of disconnected things. Mathematical analysis, human development psychology, statistics, programming, a bit of biology and anthropology, classical physics, and more.

I knew I had a good capacity for absorbing knowledge. But it was tough to dive into details, like the conditions for mathematical theorems. Many times, I struggled with concepts I needed to memorize in math and physics.

In 2006, I felt constantly down, unsure if I was on the right path. Some subjects were challenging due to my analytical mind. And I doubted if I could ever merge everything, thinking I might end up being just a psychologist or a physicist, never finding a field where I excelled.

How Is It All Slowly Coming Together?

Then, an unexpected turn came. This week, the first week under new conditions, I started experiencing déjà vu. When I opened the statistics textbook in Medical Physics, I realized I already knew most of it from Psychometry in Psychology.

I also understood the lecturers on human perception and memory. In mathematics, I learned about modeling diseases and immune system functions using Nyquist equations.

According to Bransford and Schwartz (1999), learning transfers best when learners see how one domain’s principles map onto another, not through rote repetition alone. According to Dunlosky and colleagues (2013), rereading and highlighting rank among the least effective study techniques. And I’ll soon be diving into Matlab in Medical Physics.

Everything started to connect. According to Mackey and Glass (1977), delay differential equations and stability analysis can capture the oscillations behind respiratory and blood-cell disorders.

For the first time, I listened attentively in a Physics lecture, absorbing information like a sponge, and eagerly read online during breaks. It feels like, after three years of wandering, my heart is finally racing because I’m on the right track.

Looking back, I wonder if I made any wrong decisions in college. There may have been mistakes, but I didn’t get lost. Intellectually, I feel I’m where I’m supposed to be.

However, there are downsides to specializing. This solitude has already caught me, and I’m trying to stay stable. According to Holt-Lunstad and colleagues (2015), loneliness raises mortality risk about as much as obesity does.

As a specialist, most classes are small, sometimes with only seven or eight people. The silence in the studios is eerie and unsettling, making it hard for a sociable person like me to deal with the quiet.

What Is the Affirmation of Loneliness?

Recently, I read a book by Buddhist master Osho (a controversial figure, but I agree with many of his views) about freedom and loneliness, which helped a bit. He writes:

“The first thing you must realize, whether you want to or not, is that you are lonely. Loneliness is the essence of your nature.

You might try to forget it by making new friends or joining crowds, but it only scratches the surface. Your loneliness is deep within you, unreachable and untouchable.

Man is born into the world in a family and among people. He’s not alone from the start, so he has a psychological need for company. In loneliness, fear overwhelms him.

He might not fully understand his fears, but he becomes anxious when alone. Being with others feels comforting.

Thus, man never truly experiences the beauty of loneliness; he’s disturbed by fear. Born as part of a group, he creates new groups, friendships, and associations throughout life. These are all strategies to avoid being alone.

In a crowd, you know who you are—your name, your rank, your job. But outside the crowd, what identity do you have? You notice that you’re not your name, your race, or your religion.

Your consciousness is not limited by any boundaries. Who are you?

Your personality starts to fade, and the real fear is the death of personality. You have to reinvent yourself and ask: who am I?

The fear is that you might not exist at all! Perhaps you were just a collection of opinions from the crowd, just a created personality.

No one wants to be nothing. Everyone fears being nobody, though in reality, everyone is nobody.”

Profound, isn’t it?