How Do People Date in the Netherlands, and How Does It Affect Me?

Living in the Netherlands is good, especially when it’s sunny outdoors. Then you can spend your Sundays wandering around. And the Dutch countryside is truly beautiful. 

I must also say that the life of a single person does not feel too bad either.

 The dating style is really soft and gentle. Men invite you for a coffee. And then they keep telling you how talented you are and how much in common you have.

This is the way to go in this country — that when someone keeps an eye on you and wants to be nice, he does not refer to your looks at all, but to your intellect. 

According to Buss (1989), cross-cultural research finds that men place more weight on physical attractiveness in a partner.

Women place more weight on other qualities such as ambition and intelligence. This makes the Dutch emphasis on intellect over looks stand out even more.

I enjoy this attitude. You do not become prettier from repeating that you are pretty.

But you become smarter from repeating that you are smart. That’s how human confidence works.

I actually feel the difference. Somehow, I slowly unblock day by day, and I have the impression that I think clearer and clearer. It feels much better than a year or two ago.

According to Diener and Seligman (2002), very happy people are distinguished less by dramatic life circumstances than by strong social relationships. They also share the subjective sense of clarity and ease I am describing here.

What Progress Have I Made With Building Stamina and Health?

I also gained some physical strength. I recently walked 52 km with a smile on my face, walking an average of 7 kilometers per hour.

This is strange, especially considering that a year ago I trained with the Donders team to 4daagse. After a 44 km walk that took 11 hours, I was so tired. I dragged myself to bed and spent the next two days under the blanket. 

What a progress! I almost don’t recognize myself.

Apparently, the Kilimanjaro hike, daily jogging sessions, aerobics, the mountaineering course, and lonely walks in the Andes strengthened my body a bit. I felt as if I could literally do anything with my life. 

I remember reading the famous Tony Robbins’ book, “Awaken the Giant Within.” Tony wrote that it is worth having your hierarchy of values on your mind, and that health is at the head of his own hierarchy of values. I think that I agree with it: as long as you are healthy, you can achieve anything.

According to Zhang and Chen (2018), regular physical activity is consistently associated with greater happiness, even in small amounts.

What Is The Feeling of Happiness Like For Me Now?

In addition, I feel that my level of the most important aspect of human existence, that is, the feeling of happiness, also went higher. I noticed this recently, when my housemates started to complain about our living conditions. 

I live in an old house now, which is far from luxurious. The kitchen and bathroom are truly obscure. But I am not complaining at all.

 I have a large and sunny room, which is cozy and colorful, also due to my own actions.

I pay very little for it and am very close to campus.

So, I do not need to commute at all, I have a good Internet connection and de facto I have nothing to complain about… Even though the kitchen and bathroom are on a different floor, the house is constructed in a nonsensical way and so on.

The funny thing is that all my roommates who think that the living conditions are not good enough in the house. And who complain the most, are all from third world countries: Eritrea, Pakistan, and Iran. 

I didn’t even notice when it all happened, namely when I turned from eternal grumbling to a cheerful person.

 And although there are still difficulties, because there are always some, I approach the issues differently. I just try to look at the bright side. 

What Has Changed About How I Relate to Others?

For example, I just realized something because I am alone right now. I have a much better chance of learning new stuff and going places than the people around me. This applies especially to all the married women who are in the lab.

According to Benson (2014), being partnered constrains geographic mobility for career purposes far more than being single. This can limit career opportunities for the partner less willing or able to relocate.

As it turns out, almost all of them do not consider the possibility of leaving the Netherlands. This means that career development in academia becomes difficult for them… Well, as a free bird, I can do anything with my life. It feels so cool!