What Was It Like Visiting Warsaw After a Break?

I’m back from a weekend in Warsaw, and my mind is buzzing with thoughts. First off, I noticed big changes in the city compared to my last visit in September 2012. City bikes, more greenery, a towering skyscraper in the shape of a ship, and a few other noticeable details. 

Oh, and the usual Polish news. We managed to launch a second metro line recently… by closing the two middle stations on the existing line.

And after more than twenty years of efforts, we finally got our hands on the famous Pendolino super-fast trains. But, guess what?

The pendulum mechanism that makes them fast was deemed too costly. So, we have a Pendolino without a Pendulum, which isn’t any quicker than the ones we already had.

Amidst all this, I’ve noticed changes within myself as well. I attended a wedding where many of my college friends were present. And I felt like I didn’t quite fit in anymore.

This feeling has lingered since my student days, but now, after two years in the Netherlands, it’s deeper than ever. Particularly the last six months, living alone in a foreign land, adapting and absorbing Dutch traits, has made it harder to connect with folks back home.

How Do the Dutch View Maslow’s Pyramid?

The Dutch view Maslow’s pyramid differently from us Poles. For us, the foundation of spiritual equilibrium is stabilizing life—starting a family, getting a loan to set up a nest, and working to maintain it all. This was evident at the wedding.

Most folks my age arrived with spouses, fiancés, or kids. Those already married often replied “the usual” when asked about their occupation. It’s as if they’ve already accomplished life’s essentials. 

In contrast, when you ask the Dutch how they’re doing, they rattle off lists of new dances, languages they’re picking up, books they’ve read, travel plans, and weekend ideas. Their pyramid starts with self-development, and serious relationships or property purchases come much later. According to Tay and Diener (2011), published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a large cross-cultural study across 123 countries found that fulfilling autonomy and self-development needs is closely linked to positive emotions, alongside more basic needs like security and belonging.

In Poland, hobbies, sports, and travel are extras—things you indulge in after plowing through daily routines. In the Netherlands, they also have lasting relationships and families.

But they initiate them later—usually in their thirties—once they feel inwardly fulfilled. According to Eurostat (2023), the mean age at first marriage in the Netherlands is around 35, compared to roughly 32 in Poland.

While I initially found this approach shallow, I now see its merits. At Dutch parties, I don’t feel awkward as half the guests are singles.

Why Are the Dutch Happier Than GDP Would Suggest?

More importantly, the Dutch are a happy bunch, and GDP isn’t the only factor. Poorer countries with joyful people prove this.

According to Easterlin (1974), once basic needs are met, further increases in a country’s income are only weakly linked to increases in average happiness, suggesting that non-material factors play a large role in national well-being. Their contentment seems linked to inner wealth gained from developing interests, embracing diverse cultures, and focusing on well-being. 

And isn’t happiness what we strive for every day? Dutch values shape their personalities too.

They’re composed, calm, and tolerant, though sometimes their viewpoints might seem dull. They lack Polish flair, but I’m growing more comfortable in the Netherlands than in Poland—strange, but true.

Conversations at the wedding underlined this for me. It’s becoming harder to relate to those I once shared benches with during college.

A peculiar sensation—inside, I sense that I’m different, no longer a typical Polish woman. According to Sussman (2000), the weaker someone’s identification with their home culture becomes after living abroad, the more disorienting it feels to return to it. It’s like something has concluded.