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The Truth is Out There
The truth is out there, waiting for me somewhere in this crazy city of San Francisco. And as they say in the CIA, the truth will set you free.
Let It Be Thunder. Burning Man 2026
Burning Man is something else for everyone, and every time. The desert will test you and reveal some truth about you. It’s almost like a mirror. This was my third burn. They say it’s three times charm.
This was my hardest year yet, and not necessarily because of the weather, but because of the personal challenges and struggles I had to face.
Lessons from Wudang: The Cradle of Daoism
A canceled flight rerouted through a Tashkent layover, then a week of tai chi and Daoist philosophy at the Wudang Taoist Wellness Academy — on why the answer to burnout is to balance out and simplify, not push harder.
Project “Safety”
It was a windy Sunday evening in San Francisco, filming my Tai Chi routine on a rooftop, when I realized I couldn’t bring myself to approach the glass barrier — not fear of heights, but of myself. That moment forced me to confront twenty years of quietly accumulating overstimulation and a lack of safety, both internal and external. From two derailed PhDs to launching a company right before a pandemic, to standing at forty caught between building a business and building a family, I trace the “unequal race” that led me to burnout. What follows is my personal codex — eleven rules for redefining safety in 2026.
My Brain and Me
An Ayurvedic doctor once told me my mind felt older than my body. Here, a neuroscientist maps the specific ways her own mind runs clogged and fatigued — and the practical, sometimes strange, fixes she is testing to restore it.
The Buffet
San Francisco turned out not to be a place but a psychological interface, a mirror reflecting whatever I carried inside. I arrived expecting a broken, transactional city, and that is what I found, until a small act of kindness and months of inner work changed the signal I was sending out, and what came back.
How Childhood Beliefs Quietly Run Your Life Like an Operating System
Most core beliefs are formed in early childhood and quietly shape our adult lives by influencing our decisions, attention, and the way reality seems to respond to us. Some become deeply empowering; others turn into invisible constraints on relationships, self-worth, and money. Real change requires reaching the subconscious layer where these patterns first formed.
The Currency. A Word On the Peace of Mind
I used to think that trust, or reputation, was the hard currency of today. Now, I believe the ultimate hard currency is peace of mind, and very few people ever truly find it. Here is what I have learned about silence, agency, and the real cost of a peaceful life.
My 21 Career Non-Negotiables
Back when I was finishing my PhD contract, I saw the job market as an abyss. During that period, I put together a list of career non-negotiables, the features my next professional path had to meet. It took almost two years to find a solution that checked every box, but I did.
The Great Flip: On the Evolution of Passion
My passions keep flipping over time, each one growing out of the wounds left by the last. Here is what that cycle of burnout, doubt, and rebirth has taught me about staying in the game for the long run.
The Path To The Woods Goes Through the Desert: Burning Man 2025
This year, I went back to Burning Man not as a tourist, but with real self-awareness: less is more. This essay reflects on serendipity, collective intelligence, and what the desert teaches about stepping outside a life built around collecting things.
The Path to Enlightenment… Via the Dalai Lama and Brain Concussion. A Postcard from India
The trip to India has changed my life. It took me a few months to realize the full impact, but the effects are quite insane.
Bootstrapping: Essay
I’d dare to say that in every working environment, there is some “great lie.” That one thing they tell you to control you. My feeling is that, in the startup world, the great lie is ”get yourself funded.” Getting funding in itself is often treated as success in itself, and taken as a stamp of quality.
Ditch the Hype. 5 Steps to a Solid Personal Brand (Online)
Recently, I’ve been receiving an increasing number of questions and inquiries related to personal branding online. Indeed, your personal brand is working for you—or against you—whether you’re aware of it or not. And yet, most professionals treat personal branding like an afterthought. Although I do not consider myself an expert in this department, let me share a few thoughts.
12 Years of Solitude
After twelve years of dating without landing a long-term relationship, I look back at what I built instead: a PhD, a company, a house, and a life shaped entirely on my own terms. This essay is about solitude, self-reliance, and whether going solo might actually be a viable life path.
Follow the People or Follow the Money?
We all use heuristics in our professional lives as they help us offset the energy costs associated with decision-making and better navigate our complex world. While some heuristics might be productive, others prove to be a trap (for instance, mind a long list of human cognitive errors). I recently started contemplating one heuristic that always seemed a no-brainer for me: follow the people. Was is a good bet after all?
Business Verkeerd (Grow Slow)
In the Netherlands, coffee verkeerd means coffee the wrong way. Natalia shares the unorthodox personal rules behind how she runs her business, from rejecting fast growth to embracing emotional openness.
Hard Work Makes Me High
I have always worked hard since I was 6 or 7 years old — and I genuinely love it. In this article, I confess my love for hard work and argue for more tolerance toward how other people choose to spend their time.
The Piano
Here is my definition of a talent: When you are happy, you feel compelled to do it. When you are sad, you feel compelled to do it. That’s what writing is to me. It’s like playing piano. You can play energico — with energy, enthusiasm, and zest. Or, you can play grave — solemn and contemplative. Both beautiful. Today, I will play it grave.
House Is Not Home: How My Travels Influenced My Thoughts About Life
House is not home. After years of travels and self-development experiments, I reflect on what home means to me, what motivates me, and why the digital-nomad life is not my path.
At the Rainbow’s End: On the Phantom Boss
It’s been 5 years since my contract expired, yet I still feel weirdly anxious on Sundays, as if a phantom boss is watching me. On the 40-hour workweek, freelance guilt, and why DAOs might be the antidote.
On Being Selfish
This Wednesday, I woke up with a twisted stomach and a fast heartbeat, and I asked myself, “Why doesn’t this monster finally leave me alone and let me go?” I went through cognitive therapy, hypnotherapy, SSRIs, meditation, sauna, vacations, socializing, self-care… Nothing works. Just nothing. It’s only getting worse and worse. And then, I found out why.
Content Creator Against The World: On Creativity, Eternal Struggle, and The Painful Process of Becoming a Leader
On creativity, the eternal struggle of content creators, and the painful process of becoming a leader — what fuels creative work, why so few understand it, and what leadership quietly costs.
How Setting a Company Has Changed My Life, Personal Development Wise
The moment I set up a company was the moment I won my life — not because of income or freedom, but because of the gradual changes on the inside. Here is how running a company rewired the way I react, decide, and relate to people.
Building Personal Development Skills In the Shadow of The Imposter Syndrome
In the pandemic, I had way more than enough time to think about what I want from life and what kind of mission I would like to accomplish. The concept was baking in the back of my head for a long time. And here it is.
How To Create a Business Development Strategy As a Person Who Never Competes
I have never competed for anything: not at school, not for a house, not in sports. So how does a person like that build a business? By starting with why, choosing new and different over better and bigger, and swimming in a blue ocean rather than a red one. Here is my non-competitive business development strategy.
My Biggest Little Achievements of 2020 — Part 2
Last week I posted 10 of my little wins of 2020. And now to the bottom of things!
My Biggest Little Achievements of 2020 — Part 1
2020 was impossibly long — and to say that it was a good year, would be a far stretch. Yet, I believe that this year allowed us to figure out better what is really important for us — not only at work but also in life — and what is not, and to focus on our core projects. Or at least, it is how it worked for me.
Starring at the Sun
The summer is over for a long time now, yet, I’m in a mood to bring some memories from this summer. Of course, it wasn’t a typical summertime but rather, quite an unusual one. It’s hard to neglect that the corona crisis changed the landscape of what you can or can’t possibly do.
The Winter Is Coming! My Top 5 Tips How You Can Prepare Your Mind and Body
This is a difficult year for everyone. It’s not only due to the decrease in global productivity, the crisis in the job market, and the fact that we suffer from limited personal freedom. And the winter is coming! Here in the Netherlands, winters are always dim and a bit depressive, and it’s often hard to find the energy to jump out of bed in the morning.
Should You Write Your Own Blog?
Have you ever thought of writing your own blog? Perhaps, as a way of promoting yourself as a person, promoting your expertise, or your little business? Or, as a way to foster your creativity and put your ideas on paper before you forget about them? Perhaps this blog post will help you make the decision to start (or to bury your plans!).
How I Fail
This blog post is a recording from an interview I did for Veronika Cheplygina’s blog series “How I Fail.” It’s all about the mindset and personal strategies that helped me in getting over hardship and difficulties—both in academia and in industry. Most of these strategies, I learned by trial and error and I’m happy to now share them with you.
Should You Consider Working As a Career Advisor?
The bright side of career advisory gets plenty of airtime. Here is the other side: it is hard to get noticed, easy to get robbed, your private life can melt, clients flood you with regrets, and the job is never done. Twenty honest reasons to think twice before becoming a career strategist.
All The Online Resources For PhDs In Transition To Industry
The space of online resources for PhDs thinking of transitioning to industry is massive! This blog post lists courses, blogs, podcasts, YouTube channels, content platforms, and online communities dedicated to helping PhDs in the job market.
The Days of Greatness
I wish creativity was less painful. I wish I was just waking up in the morning with a good mood and had great, groundbreaking ideas all day long. But unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that — to me, creativity is the other side of the same coin as Weltschmetrz.
The Only Justice in the World
In general, this world is not just. Some people are born more wealthy than others. Some people are born prettier than others. Some people naturally have more energy than others. Some people learn faster than others. Some people, for some reason, receive more recognition and appreciation for their work than others. But, there is one thing just for all.
The Signs In Your Career Development
Are there any signs in heaven and earth that can tell us along the way what we should eventually be doing in our professional lives — these little cues thrown to our feet along the way that we tend to ignore until there are so many of them that the truth just becomes obvious?
Mum, Dad, I’m a YouTuber!
In the darkest times during graduate school, when I was completely out of energy and I saw no light in the tunnel, I used to think to myself, “Hey, don’t worry. It’s not that bad of a job. It could have been much worse — you could have been a YouTuber.” But, the irony will prevail.
What You Should Know Before Starting a PhD
This blog post is dedicated to Master students who are at the end of their Master’s programs, and consider going to grad school. What are the pros and cons of going for the academic career, as compared to starting an industry job? What is the best motivation to start a PhD?
The Mice Heaven
When I see Elon’s efforts to colonize Mars and help the humanity in becoming a powerful, multi-planet civilization, I smile. I smile because I know that before we are technically able to colonize any other planet, it might be that in a hundred years, there will be no humanity left. And this is all due to convenience.
The Balance Theory
Have you ever wondered why whenever two of your friends argue, you immediately get that itchy feeling that this will end up badly for you in one way or another? Or why, once you have just one conflict in a group of people, it starts propagating across the group like a virus? There is a forgotten theory in psychology that explains all this.
What Motivates You? On The Alfred Adler’s Theory of Human Motivation
We are all home-grown psychologists. We have all heard about Sigmund Freud, Carl Gustav Jung, Zimbardo’s Stanford experiment, or Milgram’s experiment. But, have you ever heard about Alfred Adler? Well, maybe you should.
Why Is It Cool To Work As a Career Advisor?
The past few weeks were quite interesting — I had some strange symptoms. I lost a lot of weight, I was often blushing, I was putting on loud Tiësto music and jumping around my garage like a maniac, and I was walking around the park and laughing to myself like an idiot. In other words, I had some strong signs of affection.
High-flyers
When working with academics planning their first post-PhD jobs in the industry, one pattern keeps coming back: the more accomplished the person is in academic terms, the more difficult time they have with finding their first jobs outside academia. The underdogs on the other hand — the early career researchers who are nowhere near that accomplished, and who are often disrespected by their bosses and considered poor academics — are much quicker and more accurate in finding their next career paths. Often happier there as well.
Things I Learned In Academia, For The Good And For The Bad
Today, I would like to list a few things that I learned while doing science for the last 8 years. Some of these habits are helpful and make my life much easier now, while other things actually make my life harder.
How Would You Like (Them) To Feel? On Relations in Career Development
Interviewing people with interesting (and difficult!) career paths and rare professions, yields interesting conclusions. Namely, these people they tend to share one interesting characteristic: from a very early age, they know what role towards other people they would prefer to play.
Between Words. On The Shortcomings of Human Language
Untranslatable words like Fachidiot or Aware show how much of human experience our languages leave unnamed. Here is my own list of twenty feelings without a word: fate walking with you, connection with the hive mind, being deeply misunderstood, the joy of a simple life, and more. What would you add?
A Wrinkle In Time. What Influences Our Personal Development?
Recently, I was invited to record a podcast for the PhD Career Stories series. The point of this episode, was to explain how I found myself in the place I am in right now, both career-wise and mentally. This is always an interesting question as most people—including me—are rather poor at assessing the real causes of events that happen to them. In the process of recording that episode, I realized a few important things about how the past influences the present that I would like to share here.
From Home: Tips and Tricks For Working From a Home Office
The corona crisis turned millions of us into home-office workers overnight. Here is why working from home is harder than it looks: no commute limbo, no small talk, constant comparison, and a fridge full of temptation. Plus five mental tricks that keep me going, from sparing mercy to building a mastermind group.
The Tree. How Does Professional Development Shape Your Personality?
A few days ago I had a long and interesting conversation with a friend who started doubting in her future in academia. She complained that academic life negatively changes both personality and mindset. This made me think a lot.
New Years Resolutions For 2020
Frankly speaking, I am not sure how to set New Year’s resolutions properly so that all my plans come true—usually, my success rate is about 50%. This year, I am planning to do “only” eight things better than the year before.
What I Learned This Year. My Personal Development In 2019
2019 was the year I left academia for good and started a company. Ten lessons from it: my work has value, do it first and talk later, little addictions ruin your life, choose people carefully, select the information you let in, haters gonna hate, and I adore talking to people about their careers.
The Proof of Mind
Industry gravitates towards a high level of automatization worldwide. In most circumstances, automatization leads to efficiency and allows for lowering the overall costs of the infrastructure. In particular, full automatization might not lead to efficiency in the areas where collective decision-making requires computational power. This concept challenges one the axioms of blockchain industry
The Millenial Curse
Well, I was thinking a lot about my identity as a Millennial these days. This is because since my PhD contract has expired, I somehow started turning towards making (or perhaps, trying to make) impact. I took a resolution to listen to intuition when making career choices, and I didn’t know the endpoint when I was starting.
Hunting for the Happy People
This fall I was travelling quite a lot. I was attending small evening conferences, local meetups here in the Netherlands, but I was also traveling abroad to attend international events – as a guest, as a speaker, or even as an organizer. And, I obviously met a lot of new people on the way. When traveling, I realised that there is some gradual, global change in the society which is really worrying. Namely, if you took a conscious decision to be a happy person, you are in a serious trouble.
Hush-hush
In kindergarten, most of my peers wanted to become either models, actors, or doctors when they grow up. For a change, I was jealous of priests, and of the fact that they are allowed to listen to people’s confessions for the whole days. I wanted to know the truth about people, however dirty this truth might be. And, I was bitter thinking that I would actually never become a priest. Until I did.
Navigate
I was always wondering why some people are so lucky in life – they are neither geniuses nor work that hard, yet always find themselves in the right place at the right moment, gather the right people around them, embark on the best projects or get the best jobs. Now I think I know.
People Is the Answer
It’s been a long road up to this point, since I left my parents’ place at the age of 18. But, when I look back at the past 15 years, I some some patterns clearly, coming over over again. First of all, I see that there is only one asset which has been systematically accumulating over these 15 years. It was not money, which you can easily lose in the nearest bubble. It was not knowledge, which can become useless once you change the discipline or profession. It was actually people.
Mythology
This week was interesting; I just realised that even though we live in 21st century, virtually anything can be explained by science and most youngsters are atheists, people still crave for mythological, mystical, superhuman heroes. Maybe even more than ever.
Real Choices, Fake Choices
At some point I realised that the decision on whether or not to stay in academia – or in other words, whether to do research or focus on commercial projects instead – is not the real choice I need to make right now. In fact, the real choice is: how much am I willing to risk? Let me explain.
Born to Do It
One insight I remember from all the motivational books and movies I ever consumed is that, entrepreneurs always underscore how difficult it is to go against your relatives and friends when it comes to risking, investing and dropping day jobs on behalf of starting new ventures. In my case, family and friends react completely differently than in most cases I ever heard of – and it gives me goose bumps.
15 Years Later
I spent Christmas among family and friends quite as every time before. However, this time, I also had a few afterthoughts as there are some examples of common knowledge that stroke me really hard. You might hear some simple truths from your parents and teachers over and over again – or read about it from motivational books – but after all, you only learn how important they are when you see the consequences in real life.
The Gap Year – Vol. 2
Seven more lessons from my gap year after the PhD: sleep beats all-nighters, I care more about neuroscientists than neuroscience, a cash buffer matters, friends go but family stays, clear goals work, meetups outside your bubble are the third way, and word of mouth beats job boards.
The Gap Year
As Confucius famously said, choose the job that you love – and you will not need to work for a lifetime. However, this is all not that simple. As a matter of fact, the school system (or at least Polish school system), kills a lot of natural talents: knowledge served at schools is standardised and the amount of material you need to learn is so overwhelming that you are becoming a little robot, working days and nights for good grades. There is just no more room in your life to explore the environment around you, and learn about your own talents. This is exactly why I decided to conduct an experiment on myself; my contract expired some time ago and I came to a conclusion that it is a great opportunity to actually find out more about myself instead of jumping into a new job straight away.
Mentorship
Up until now, research on the influence of mentorship on the career perspectives in young researchers is scarce. It seems that, in academia, there is a consensus that mentorship is beneficial in general, but the extent to which the positive effects of mentorship hold in the long term is not clear.
Yet Another Set of Conclusions
This year I realised yet another few things about living the academic life. Hereby, I would like to mention just three of them.
The Three-legged Stool
Today, the concept of a job is far from the original concept at the times of the industrial revolution. Back then, a worker was a person who wakes up in the morning, and leaves their household for the most of the day, in order to sell their time in an exchange for a salary. Having a job meant a physical work. Today, the job market is much more diverse – complex but also full of possibilities.
Reviewers
Nothing changed since my childhood: I still enjoy stimuli that are annoying to others, the most. For instance, in the whole process of conducting a research project – from project planning, through combining a team, doing actual research, submission, review process, production and promotion – I actually enjoy the review process the most. There are at least three separate reasons for this.
A Villain Is a Hero of Another Side
As every PhD student at the end of the contract, I slowly get the idea that publishing papers is a minor problem in a researcher’s life. There other, more painful issues, such as the environment fractioning into ‘team Brown’, ‘team Green’ et cetera – especially in circles developing new methods for data analysis. Such friendships and antipathies that last for ages before you even found yourself in the community, and once you appear as a fresh person, you do not necessarily understand why you are actually expected to love Mr Brown and hate Mr Green.
The Source of Disease
As a scientist, you are doomed to live in a shadow of deadlines, short contracts, and mutual dependencies as you are by definition bound to a dynamic web of people, some of whom might behave differently than expected. The collateral stress is inevitable whenever you are a good or a bad worker. And if you ask your family and friends about what to do with yourself in such conditions, they will all tell you: go for a walk, meditate, go to spa, relax, go to a therapy, grow flowers, stare at the blue sky, listen to your favourite music. All these activities are superficial and do not solve the true problem.
How To Deal with Students as a PhD Candidate?
Initially, I was hesitating for a long time if I can even manage to supervise a student. Namely, if I will be able to catch some good vibes and keep on going regardless of little bumps on the way which naturally pop out during research: you try and fail, and then try and fail again and again… But now, I must say that supervising students is a wonderful experience to me, and I consider it – so far – the most fulfilling part of the PhD track.
Uber
It seems to me that the whole Uber phenomenon is ephemeral as in a few years, cab drivers – especially here, in Sillicon Valley – will most probably be replaced by self-driving cars. However, it is interesting to observe this phenomenon from the psychological point of view.
The American Dream
A visit to California is an eye-opener. The Dutch job market could not be any more different from the American one. In the Netherlands, it is way easier to get funding when your project is eco-friendly, employee-friendly and has a societal impact. In Silicon Valley, the thinking is different — and after a week in Mountain View, I finally understand the idea behind the American dream.
To Read or Not to Read
‘Yes, people do become successful after reading motivational books but the thing that made them succeed is the same thing that had driven them to read the motivational book in the first place – The desire to succeed.’
Important Versus Doable
There are two types of things: important things, and urgent things. Unimportant and urgent things should be delegated. Unimportant and non urgent things should be postponed (or delegated). Things that are important and urgent should be prioritised. Things that are important and non urgent, are the crucial ones and should be taken care of on the regular basis.
Freedom
I could not understand how people can deliberately abuse their own freedom. I guess that people are naturally afraid of decision making, which might explain why reducing choices to the minimum might soothe them a little bit, and give them some comfort of not being obliged to take a decision.
Competitiveness
What does the competitiveness come from? It is not a very prominent feature of the Dutch society – this society is more about equity and cooperation. No wonder: once you look at the educational program at the Dutch primary schools, the first class they ever have is ‘working in teams’. Which is very much in opposition to Polish schools where they were always telling us to compete.
YouTube Culture
Just a few years back, kids posting on YouTube were a niche phenomenon with a small audience of hipsters. Now many of these – usually teenage – performers have a nationwide audience. Interestingly, even though YouTube is a completely unsupervised and nonhierarchical system, the mechanisms which evolved in this community are similar to science: similar issues and similar coping strategies.
Luck
The popular belief is that people who perceive themselves as successful and lucky are those who just take opportunities – notice the money lying on the street and take it. Or, those who interpret some events as lucky whereas others would perceive the same events as unlucky. But how much of success in academia is really luck?
Happiness Is Not Forever
Happiness is not given forever. You can put yourself together and fool yourself that happy times are for good, but in fact, the feeling of happiness will vanish away with time if you do not take care of it properly. It is just like a plant that needs to be watered every day.
Going Dark
I sometimes wonder what happens during the maturation process, when people slowly turn from fragile, troubled and empathic PhD students into a bit psychopathic, emotionless and calculated bosses. Everyone believes they will never copy their PIs’ mistakes. So how does it happen? A dispute with my neighbours gave me a hint.
Teaching
Recently I started teaching, and I have a plentora of feelings relating to this new experience. First to say, it is definitely true what they say: 80% of our fears is completely unnecessary.
About the Effects of Living in a Nice Country
The doctors were truly confused; they knew about my previous records, but could not explain what had happened to my body in the meantime. But I think I know why this is the case. My lifestyle did not change since seven years ago. Only one thing substantially changed.
All These Exams
I was studying extensively in Warsaw, where I was going through three Master programs at a time. Throughout my studies, I experienced a lot of less and more painful exams. Some were funny, some were nerve wrecking. I think the fact that I had such a long list of exams and qualifications to take, might play a positive role on the general stress resilience.
Productivity
‘Productive’. A simple word, however it bells in my ears like a threat. In Poland, no one around me was ever describing themselves as productive. In the Netherlands, I hear this expression quite often, which might be due to the competitive nature of science here. Every time I hear about it, I start wondering: am I productive? What if not?
My Friend and Me
There were the two of us: I was the sense, she was the sensibility. We met fifteen years ago as second year high school students, and we were close friends ever since. I think we were both sort of gifted, hard working and enthusiastic but there was one major difference between us.
End of the Year Summary
The end of the year is coming, which is a perfect occasion for little considerations of what happened in 2015, and what is, hopefully, about to happen in 2016. Some of my goals were achieved and some other goals I have to put on hold. However, in general, I feel that I am going towards the right direction.
Second Life
Current November is probably the happiest November by far, even after correction for the weather. You know, when you are a researcher, every happy day is a success itself. And, in addition to that, if you are an ex-depressed person, every happy day is one step away from death and one step towards life. You’ve got to fight for every single day, literally.
Imposter Syndrome
I just had a really wild attack of the imposter complex. This is when you feel that others overestimate your mental and physical capabilities. Pretty much everyone is academia suffers from it, it is just that some people overcome this effect better than others.
Overcoming Fears
Human brain can rewire so quickly… I remember the rainy days four years ago when I first came to Nijmegen and tried to survive at the very place. During my studies I hadn’t had too many programming courses, neither I had opportunities to present science. No wonder that programming and presentations were my two biggest nightmares. Now, they are my two favourite and most relaxing activities at work.
Impossible Is Nothing: I Am Buying a House in Nijmegen!
Once in a while, you have that feeling that you are going through a period when lots of extraordinary things happen one after another. These are some truly career-defining moments that change your life and that you will never forget. It was certainly one of them.
What Do Successful People Say
Singers, sportsmen, writers, famous bloggers and motivational speakers, Noblists, inventors, enterpreneurs and famous CEOs. All these people think shockingly similar about the rules for success.
Research or Branding? How To Effectively Self-Manage in Academia
Science is business. If you don’t understand this simple fact, you won’t get too far in academia. Unfortunately, very many of us, PhD candidates, do not understand this. This might be because, in science, the real currency differs from money. In fact, there are several currencies. The number of publications, impact factor, time. So, how to self-manage in these conditions?
On Academia and Whereabouts: Insights From Grad School
In this blog post, I list my recent insights from grad school: on academic structure, team work, and effective networking at conferences. I hope that in case you are an early-stage researcher, these insights turn out to be helpful to you!
Postcard From the Mountains: What Hiking Taught Me About Science
Academic life is not easy. “The closer to the sky, the closer to hell.” Well, so far, I manage somehow but it took me a long time to grow this skin. Hiking helped me get tougher and persevere. So, I created a list of 21 things that mountaineering has taught me about science so far. Some are obvious and cliché, but I hope some of them will be useful to you.
On Peace of Mind
Living in the Netherlands is good, especially when it is sunny and you can spend Sundays wandering the countryside. My level of happiness has gone up too. I noticed it when my housemates started complaining about our living conditions and I realized I had nothing to complain about at all.
Impressions and Memories From My Stay in Chile
I discovered some surprising habits among Chilean locals, like feeding seafood to chickens and unconventional practices at a university that left me astonished and amused. Chile’s approach to art is unique and unconventional, blurring the lines between reality and creativity. I was captivated by the vibrant and spontaneous artistic expressions that differ greatly from European norms. Living in Chile has made me realize I might have a Latin soul, which explains why I never felt fully at home in Europe. My experiences here are helping me find clarity and a renewed sense of purpose in life.
My First Time in the High Tatra Mountains: Impressions from the Mountaineering Course
I recently discovered the rugged beauty of mountaineering and the sense of camaraderie it brings, especially in places like the Tatra Mountains and Chata Pri Zelenom Plese. Despite the challenges and discomforts, the experience was deeply fulfilling. The mountaineering course was tough, especially for a beginner like me, but it offered valuable lessons in climbing skills and mountain safety. The stories of dangerous expeditions, like the 2013 Nanga Parbat massacre, highlighted the seriousness of the sport. Reflecting on the course, I realized the importance of mental preparedness in mountaineering. I might have been too eager to challenge the Andes, and now I believe it’s wiser to build my fitness and skills before attempting such a demanding expedition.
Rough Beginnings of a Doctoral Program
I find great satisfaction in achieving internal coherence by aligning my professional and personal pursuits, like studying the brain and pushing my physical limits in mountaineering. This balance brings clarity and purpose to my life. Mountaineering has taught me valuable lessons about setting clear goals, assembling the right tools and team, and maintaining focus. These principles have significantly reduced my work-related stress and increased my confidence in my PhD project. My new PhD project on ADHD is both ambitious and challenging, involving cutting-edge research techniques like optogenetics and two-photon imaging. While risky, I am confident in my ability to succeed, as my experiences have strengthened my resilience.
Time to Travel!
At 27, I see this as the perfect time to travel, explore the world, and grow personally, rather than settling down too soon. It’s crucial to invest in experiences and self-discovery before life becomes more rigid. Traveling and exploring diverse cultures have broadened my perspectives, helping me avoid the stagnation that I’ve noticed in some of my peers who haven’t ventured out. This phase of life is about experimenting, finding passions, and understanding oneself better. I’m embracing this dynamic period, balancing an intense workload with personal well-being. I focus on staying active, spending time outdoors, and maintaining a positive mindset, knowing that these habits will benefit my mental health and future.
Like a Machine
I’m juggling two complex neuroscience projects—one focusing on expansive brain networks with fMRI, and the other on optogenetics and two-photon imaging in mice. Balancing these tasks with my role in the PhD council and workshop organization is a true test of my abilities. Despite initial fears of sharing unpublished work, I’ve learned that presenting findings at conferences can lead to valuable connections with journal editors. This has changed my approach, making me more open to collaboration and peer review. Beyond my academic commitments, I’m planning a move to save money and prepare for future travels, including a challenging hike up Gerlach in the Tatra Mountains. My systematic upbringing helps me manage a busy life filled with to-do lists and ambitious goals.
Don’t Sleep! Sightsee
After returning from the Society for Neuroscience Annual Meeting in San Diego, I realized the importance of being selective with information. Neuroscience has grown so vast that it’s impossible to grasp everything, and I now focus on the essentials rather than trying to absorb it all. My perspective on working in the USA has shifted. While I used to fear the American work culture, I’ve become more confident and open to the idea of living and working there. I now understand that when you enjoy your work and stay active, you can handle the demands with enthusiasm. My recent experiences have brought me a newfound sense of well-being and optimism. Regular travel and daily exercise have boosted my spirits, and I’m determined to maintain this positive mindset as I continue pursuing my passions and professional goals.
On a Mind of a Generalist
I’ve realized that my broad approach to learning across various subjects during my studies is finally paying off. Each concept I’ve encountered now fits together, allowing me to synthesize information quickly, even in areas where I lack formal training. I’m proud of my progress in overcoming self-doubt and gaining confidence in my abilities. Whether it’s qualifying for essential courses or mastering technical tasks, I’ve learned to tackle challenges independently, breaking free from past limitations. For the first time, I’m experiencing a sense of freedom and contentment, free from complexes and unhealthy dependencies. This new mindset, grounded in self-respect and self-love, has brought me a level of happiness and independence that feels incredibly healthy.
The Netherlands Never Fails to Amaze Me
Living in the Netherlands has been full of surprises. For instance, the Dutch approach to legal disputes is casual; filing a lawsuit for a minor amount like 10 euros seems common, contrasting sharply with Polish attitudes towards courts. The Dutch also have a unique level of openness, even discussing restroom plans without hesitation, which might shock visitors. This candidness is part of their broader cultural norms that I find both amusing and intriguing. As I prepare for my upcoming trip to South America for summer school and hiking, I’ve been getting ready by packing and training for the journey. Additionally, I’ll make my TV debut soon, adding an exciting twist to my current adventures.
Memories from Tanzania, Part II
During my trip to Tanzania, I was surprised by the local preference for bongo flava music over Western hits like Nicki Minaj or Pitbull. Despite not understanding Swahili, I found the music catchy and now enjoy it myself. The lack of clean drinking water in Tanzania was alarming, especially compared to the Netherlands’ safe tap water. An environmental studies graduate I met believed it might be too late to save the Earth due to extensive damage and water scarcity. The job market in Tanzania, particularly around Kilimanjaro, is quite unique. For instance, the lack of wells to avoid reducing local porter jobs and the mafia-like operations in the tourism industry, including deceptive practices, were striking and eye-opening.
Memories From Tanzania, Part I
My trip to Tanzania was unforgettable, featuring breathtaking landscapes, cultural surprises, and encounters with remarkable people. Despite the high costs and occasional local opportunism, there were some genuinely kind individuals who helped me during challenging moments. I undertook a three-stage journey: climbing Kilimanjaro, going on a safari, and finishing with a relaxing cruise to Zanzibar. Climbing Kilimanjaro was particularly challenging but rewarding, with memorable experiences of camaraderie and perseverance amidst stunning views. While climbing Kilimanjaro, I encountered local customs and challenges, including dealing with altitude sickness and navigating the complex dynamics of climbing culture. Despite the physical strain, the experience was profoundly enriching and affirming. The safari offered a contrast to the intense climb, providing relaxation and interaction with fellow travelers. Each person had unique stories and backgrounds, highlighting the diverse reasons people seek adventure and escape in travel. My time in Zanzibar was a fitting end to the trip, with its laid-back atmosphere and warm hospitality. Reflecting on the journey, I felt a deep sense of accomplishment and personal growth, recognizing the value of solo travel in discovering one’s true self and capabilities.
I’m Starting a PhD Program All Over Again!
Self-esteem is complex: it often feels like you deserve the best, but when you achieve something valuable, you might act defensively and risk losing it. Securing a doctoral contract with my own project was a significant achievement, yet I found myself obsessively controlling every detail, which hindered my progress. Realizing my self-sabotage, I’m now focusing on embracing my capabilities, remembering past successes, and moving forward with confidence. It’s time to overcome doubt and dive into work, starting now.
How To Develop Yourself in Academia
In less than two years in science, I’ve realized it’s much like the music industry: success often hinges on networking and strategic partnerships, much like Pitbull’s rise to fame through collaborations. I’m learning to embrace this “game” of science, understanding that building alliances and engaging with media can enhance one’s career and lead to successful publications. I’ve found my calling in Computational Psychiatry, where I use advanced tools to understand and correct mental disorders. This work resonates deeply with me, blending my engineering background with my passion for understanding the human mind.
Finding Your Way In a New Workplace: How To Adapt and Stand Out?
Transitioning to a new lab, I’ve encountered a bustling and noisy environment with more women and experimentalists, a stark contrast to my previous quiet and solitary space, making adaptation a challenge. My new boss has been welcoming and engaging, sparking intriguing discussions about consciousness and the role of the thalamus, which has rekindled my enthusiasm for neuroscience. Inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s story of persistence, I’m setting ambitious goals in my field, including a paper and conference presentation, aiming to make a significant impact despite the challenges.
Awaken the Giant Within
Recently, I’ve been experiencing a strange desensitization, like chocolate tasting like soap. Despite this, the support from my sister and friends has been a comforting constant, highlighting the value of close relationships in tough times. Reading Tony Robbins’ “Awaken the Giant Within” has been surprisingly impactful. It emphasized the long-term potential we often underestimate and encouraged me to set ambitious goals, such as overcoming fears, contributing to mental health research, and climbing Kilimanjaro. Despite the challenges and stress, I’m learning to focus on positive emotions and minimize negativity. The book’s advice to savor good moods and manage negative thoughts is something I’m actively trying to apply in my life.
How To Put Life Back Together After A Disaster
Ironically, my recent paper on how delayed emotional responses can stabilize relationships was published just before my own relationship ended due to hidden feelings. This contrast has left me reflecting on the importance of transparent communication in both personal and professional settings. In dealing with the breakup, I’ve faced physical and emotional challenges but found solace in small pleasures like cooking. I’ve also come to realize the superficial nature of some advice and the “McDonaldization” of relationships, where people quickly abandon partners at the first sign of trouble. Struggling with uncertainty and a fear of growing old alone, I’m taking time to reset and focus on personal growth. I’m changing jobs, improving work visibility, and indulging in personal interests, like buying a red rose toilet, which represents a small victory in reclaiming my personal space and happiness.
A Small Life Catastrophe
I’m grappling with a profound sense of loss after losing my job and my fiancé unexpectedly. The collapse of both work and personal stability at 27 has left me questioning the value of my efforts and feeling like I have nothing left. Balancing work and personal life led to communication breakdowns that strained our relationship, eventually contributing to our breakup. This experience highlighted how crucial open and regular communication is in preventing such issues and maintaining healthy relationships. Despite feeling isolated, I’ve sought support from friends and am starting therapy to address my fears and loneliness. I’ve learned that deep connections require ongoing self-awareness and communication, and I hope my former partner will also embrace personal growth rather than retreating into isolation.
How To Deal With a Sudden Job Loss
Recent weeks have been incredibly tough. After moving to a new country with my fiancé and starting a dream PhD, I’ve faced the harsh reality that my work involves abstract equations and impractical ideas, rather than meaningful neuroscience research. With the scarcity of new doctoral positions and funding cuts, combined with personal life constraints, I struggled with the decision to abandon my current project. Yet, an unexpected opportunity arose at a major Dutch hospital, offering hope amidst these challenges. Despite a contract termination and the pressures of academia, I’ve found a potential path forward. Reflecting on my experiences and conversations with friends, I’ve realized there are many routes to happiness and success. I’m now considering alternative career paths and post-doctorate opportunities, embracing the possibility of a fresh start in the New Year.
Preparing for Evaluation Day
Reflecting on the era we’re living in, I see both overwhelming challenges and exciting opportunities. From the rise of electronic money to the blend of cultures and the vast knowledge available online, today’s times offer a mix of awe and complexity. As my performance review approaches, I face a pivotal moment in my career. A potential three-year contract and a PhD title would allow me to focus on my passion in neuroscience, specifically exploring why people differ so greatly in their reactions and experiences. Driven by my own past struggles with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), I’m dedicated to understanding neurotransmitter networks to combat depression. This personal battle fuels my work and motivates me daily, hoping my commitment will be recognized in my upcoming evaluation.
Tips For a Young Scientist
Recently, I was struck by Prof. Brzezinski’s candid critique of conspiracy theories surrounding the Smoleńsk catastrophe. His statement challenged the prevailing political and media narratives, reflecting a much-needed act of bravery in Poland’s ongoing struggle with widespread misinformation. In exploring Noam Chomsky’s critique of Artificial Intelligence, I found his concerns about AI’s indiscriminate use valid. Chomsky argues that using AI without understanding the underlying data structure can lead to misguided conclusions, particularly in complex fields like genetics and neuroscience. Following advice from Peter Medawar’s essay “Advice to a Young Scientist,” I’ve learned the importance of being assertive and persistent in scientific inquiries. Rather than being overly polite, being bold and inquisitive has proven more effective in advancing my research and understanding.
Return From Summer Schools: Regaining Passion for Neuroscience
Returning from my travels, I’ve discovered a profound passion for neuroscience, driven by the excitement of exploring neural diagrams and engaging lectures. The diversity in the neuroscience community, with its blend of backgrounds and interests, makes every gathering feel like a vibrant celebration of knowledge and culture. My experiences revealed that faculty members, often perceived as perfectionists, are actually quite human, balancing their professional work with personal passions like dancing and stand-up comedy. This alignment with my own optimistic outlook on life and work has been refreshing and inspiring. Traveling through summer schools in China and Poland taught me the value of interacting with diverse, talented individuals and the importance of resilience. Despite challenges, these experiences have reinforced my commitment to reclaiming my personal values and inspired me to engage more deeply with my peers and the world around me.
What’s in My Head? On DVA and ADHD
During my Easter trip around Poland, I observed the country’s development projects and felt a surge of patriotism, despite not being a football fan. I hope the upcoming Euro matches in Gdańsk are successful, though I’m concerned about the potential challenges for visitors, including my colleague from Algeria. After months of anxiety about my brain scans, I finally learned from a neurologist that my concerns were unwarranted; it was only a developmental venous anomaly. This news, along with the reassurance that I can safely pursue high-mountain expeditions, was a huge relief. Struggling with ADHD due to my overwhelming workload and diverse interests in neuroscience, I sought help from a psychologist. The diagnosis helped me understand my ability to juggle multiple tasks and inspired me to make adjustments to improve my work efficiency and well-being.
Expedition to the Caribbean Islands
Our Caribbean excursion was an exhilarating adventure filled with tropical marvels like palm trees, exotic fruits, and thrilling activities such as snorkeling and zip-lining. Despite being a first-time traveler, I found the trip both affordable and transformative, offering a refreshing break from work. The experience revealed a unique blend of Caribbean culture and economy, from luxury cruise ships to the intriguing mix of currencies and local trade. Interactions with the warm and genuine locals highlighted the Caribbean’s distinct charm and its prowess in tourism. Traveling with my partner tested our problem-solving skills and resilience, especially during tight schedules and logistical challenges. Despite the occasional squabble, our teamwork and adaptability shone through, reinforcing our bond and proving that navigating difficulties together strengthens our relationship.
How to Cope in a Dutch Lab as a Polish Expat
At 26, juggling a career amidst cultural stereotypes about Polish people, like the unfounded association with drinking and stealing, has been challenging. These biases have made it difficult to fit in, especially in a competitive environment where my efforts and successes are sometimes undermined by colleagues. Since joining the lab, I’ve noticed a shift in my Dutch colleagues’ behavior. Initially, they would leave work promptly at 5 p.m., but now they stay late to showcase their dedication, creating a competitive atmosphere. Their initial advice was helpful, but as I began to outperform them, their attitude changed, attributing my success to “sheer luck.” While working on an intriguing essay about the small-world effect in networks, I’ve been reflecting on the nature of connections and efficiency in various systems. This topic, relevant across neuroscience, sociology, and mathematics, highlights the significance of network structure and has influenced my recent social choices.
What Leads To Success in Learning?
Success in learning hinges on staying in touch with trends, building connections, and maintaining effective communication while embracing a flexible yet clear goal and a winner’s mindset. Despite initial challenges in the Netherlands, including high publication demands, I’ve found surprising success with a math publication and a revitalized project, feeling ahead of my colleagues. My enjoyment of light-hearted shows and unique quirks boosts my energy and provides insights into success, highlighting the importance of determination and personality over mere talent.
Hardcore Beginnings in Grad School
Despite feeling disconnected and buried under a heavy knowledge load, I notice real progress in grasping complex subjects. I am starting to connect fields and consider cognitive science to understand my work better. Above all, I am reclaiming the resilient mindset of my early teens.
Harsh Rules of Dutch PhD Programs
Two months into my PhD in the Netherlands, I feel overwhelmed by the complexity of the program and the high expectations, particularly given the low completion rate and the challenges of theoretical research compared to experimental work. Despite the pressure, I’m discovering hidden gems at the university, like the beautiful lake and insightful lectures from renowned experts, which add a sense of wonder and opportunity to my experience. I’ve learned about the importance of scientific integrity and the strict rules at Donders, reflecting on how even prestigious achievements can be overshadowed by issues of ethics and the need for vigilance in academic integrity.
Hard Beginnings in Exile in the Netherlands
After two months in the Netherlands, I’m struggling with the cultural separation between colleagues and friends, finding it difficult to form meaningful connections despite my efforts. Despite a hopeful invitation to a Dutch friend’s birthday, the event was filled with other foreigners, highlighting the challenge of breaking into local social circles. I’m feeling disheartened by the sense of exclusion and administrative barriers, as Dutch citizens seem to receive preferential treatment, making it hard to feel truly at home in this new environment.
Behave Normally — It’s Crazy Enough. Navigating Dutch Culture.
Returning from Poland, I’m facing housing issues that dominate my lab discussions. Although I’m stressed, I’m optimistic that I’ll find a solution as I usually manage to navigate challenges effectively. My recent encounter with travelers in Poland offered insight into Dutch culture, revealing their reserved nature and the principle of “behave normally, as it’s already crazy enough,” which has helped me understand local attitudes better. Despite feelings of isolation in the Netherlands, I’m learning to connect with the Dutch on deeper, meaningful levels, and I’ve come to appreciate the open yet reserved nature of their social interactions.
A Rough Start in Nijmegen
My start in Nijmegen has been rough: a disappointing room, an unhelpful rental agency, and one of the tightest student housing markets in the Netherlands. Juggling that with a demanding PhD is exhausting. Still, biographies of people who began in worse conditions, and Thelema’s idea of following your true will, keep me going.
First Impressions of Nijmegen
Preparing for my big move to the Netherlands has been challenging with a tight budget, an old, overpriced house, and high expectations from my young, ambitious tutor from Harvard. I’m diving into the field of neural networks and cognitive science, despite the uncharted territory and the additional stress of working without overtime pay in a cold, rainy summer. Though the city is vibrant with student life and opportunities, I feel isolated and prefer to focus on my work rather than engage in social activities, reflecting on the tough beginnings of my journey.
On Motivation For Work
A Young MBA lecture on motivation made me revisit two managers from my past projects: one dishonest about rewards, the other piling on unrealistic deadlines. Both lacked authority and ignored the praise-in-public rule. Plus a McDonald’s case study, Big Mac parity, and my first Big Mac.
Northern Lights
After a period of philosophical and scientific exploration, I revisited Philip Pullman’s “His Dark Materials” trilogy, originally inspired by my interest in consciousness and theology, discovering a rich and complex world that goes beyond its film adaptation. Pullman’s world-building merges fantasy with physics, drawing on Hugh Everett’s multiverse theory and featuring a unique system where characters interact with daemons and navigate a universe governed by fantasy laws rather than traditional physics. The trilogy’s central theme of “Dust” as a primordial essence challenges established religious doctrines, presenting a narrative of rebellion against a corrupt deity through the adventures of Lyra and Will, which I found profoundly uplifting and recommend to others.
On the Trip To Italy and Austria
During my travels in Milan and Soelden, I observed contrasting aspects of Italian and Austrian cultures, noting Milan’s blend of traditional charm with modern struggles, and Austria’s focus on skiing and unique local customs. In Milan, I was struck by the juxtaposition of glamour with social issues and the absence of children, while Soelden’s tourism-centric focus revealed a different side of local life. Both experiences offered insights into regional lifestyles and societal trends. Reflecting on my journey, I pondered the concept of “depressive realism” and its implications, while also grappling with my evolving views on Buddhism and its authenticity in the modern world. My ongoing search for genuine spiritual experiences continues, leading me to contemplate a trip to Tibet.
Discoveries of Past Few Weeks
Turning 25 has prompted me to reflect on my life, comparing it to others and feeling like I’ve achieved too little. To address this, I’ve decided to focus on constructive actions, like joining a cognitive science research group and diving into new projects despite initial hesitations. Unexpected financial opportunities have begun to surface, such as interest in my questionnaire and potential sponsorships for a patent project. This has been a pleasant surprise, highlighting the importance of pursuing passions and staying resilient despite financial constraints. I’ve discovered some valuable resources, including Philip Zimbardo’s Heroic Imagination project, LeDoux’s book on emotions, Barbara de Vangelis’ relationship advice, Salvador Dali’s autobiography, and insightful fairy tales. Embracing these findings has enriched my understanding and brought new satisfaction to my life.
Summary of Year 2010
2010 was a groundbreaking year: I tried the Power of Attraction, defended two master’s theses, interned in neuromarketing, and survived a tough job hunt. Along the way I embraced my rebellious side, vacationed in South Korea, and met someone special. Optimism, it turns out, pays off.
My Little Lessons from Buddhism
I’ve been exploring the concept of becoming a buddha and found that traditional teachings focus on the path to enlightenment without specifying gender, suggesting that both men and women can achieve this state through similar spiritual practices. Interestingly, I discovered that personal data, such as the initials of surnames, can significantly impact academic success, with patterns suggesting that surname initials might influence opportunities like Nobel Prizes. My own unique surname “B” appears to provide an advantageous position in author listings. In my own life, I’m currently seeking PhD opportunities and shifting focus from dull translation work to more creative and practical projects in physics. Engaging with new questions and challenges is bringing renewed energy and motivation to my professional journey.
Impressions from South Korea
During my time in South Korea, I discovered unique local preferences, such as a fascination with fair skin and double eyelids, which are believed to enhance attractiveness and success. Koreans also place importance on blood type traits in personality assessments. South Korea blends Western influence with its own traditions. Chain stores like Starbucks are common, yet Korean cuisine and fashion remain distinctly unique, reflecting a preference for functionality and creativity over Western trends. The Korean lifestyle and mentality impressed me with their emphasis on traditional values and emotional warmth. I found the cultural practices, such as eating with chopsticks and enjoying spicy cuisine, to be both enriching and eye-opening, enhancing my overall appreciation for global diversity.
A Brief Letter From a Korean Temple
During my week in Seoul at the International Seon Center, I’ve noticed that Koreans and Poles share similarities in mentality, largely due to historical struggles with neighboring powers, which fostered a strong sense of national pride and traditional values. Koreans are both fascinated by Western features and cultures, admiring Hollywood stars, while also holding on to their traditional customs, which can sometimes make Westerners feel like outsiders, even if they are treated warmly as tourists. Korean family dynamics are influenced by traditional values, with elderly women (ajummas) holding significant power within families. Mixed marriages are sometimes met with resistance, and Korean men, while passionate, may lead to complex dynamics in such relationships.
Internship in Neuromarketing / On Poland and Poles
I started an internship at a neuromarketing startup in Warsaw, survived a small crisis about working unpaid while peers land top jobs, and remembered how ambitious I was in primary school. Then a few observations on Poland: lenient courts, puzzling suspended sentences, and how it compares internationally.
Once Upon a Time… Life
Two sources worth your time: the Polish series “Professions” and the French classic “Once Upon a Time… Life,” which taught me about abstract symbols at age seven. Then a question: why does traveling by Polish train leave me so drained, especially as a woman? And where did the 7%-38%-55% communication myth come from?
I Got a Masters in Science! (All Over Again…)
I officially earned my Master’s in Mathematics, at the cost of 8 kilos and a week of sweltering July study. Passing rediscovered what I value most in myself: the ability to take risks and persist. In February I cried over algebra; five months later I held two degrees. Now the real adventure begins.
I Was Just Packing For Vacation in Masuria When Suddenly…
Despite my excitement for a peaceful July and my plans to finally enjoy a vacation in Masuria, I was hit with the news of a major mathematical challenge at my department, throwing my plans into disarray. Even with the added stress and the possibility of disruption, I’ve promised myself to pack my backpack and head to Masuria next Thursday, regardless of the outcome of the challenge, to either celebrate or find solace. Reflecting on my high school literature class, I’m reminded that life often leaves us with unresolved matters, and true vacation is a state of mind. I remain determined to visit Masuria and make it a reality someday.
How I Discovered the Alfred Adler School of Psychology
A tour of personality theories that ends with my favorite: Alfred Adler’s idea that the inferiority complex drives us to grow, and that people crave power more than pleasure. Then a rejected PhD application, and the high-school story of how I fought my way back to Katowice and into MISMaP.
Looking For Your Own Path
Digging through old works, a PhD application met with silence, and a reflection on why so many people follow the expected route while looking no further than the US or UK. Plus a math thesis picking up speed and a half-serious question about the health effects of Coca-Cola.
On the Zimbardo’s Stanford Experiment
Reflecting on Zimbardo’s Stanford Prison Experiment, I note how deeply it changed its participants and what it reveals about the darkness within us. Perhaps we are all born with the potential for violence, and it is society and the law that keep us in check. I also point to a less dramatic experiment on racial prejudice that sheds light on what minority children face in schools.
On Ethics in Human Research
Ethics, stemming from the Greek word ἦθος (ethos), is a branch of philosophy that explores morality and develops frameworks for deriving moral principles, whereas morality consists of specific guidelines derived from these principles. Misinterpretations of ethical principles can lead to justifying wrongful acts based on skewed moral perspectives. Ethical theories are categorized by their scope and source of moral norms. Objectivist theories propose a universal ethical system, while subjectivist theories argue that ethics vary by context. Sources of ethical norms include naturalism, antinaturalism, and emotivism, each offering a different perspective on the origins and nature of ethics. Controversial experiments, such as Watson’s “Little Albert” and Milgram’s obedience study, highlight ethical concerns including lack of consent and psychological harm. These studies underscore the need for stringent ethical guidelines to prevent harm and ensure that research practices respect participant well-being and integrity.
On Brain Hemispheres
Today, 95% of attendees at a physics seminar sat on the right side of the auditorium, contrary to the idea that analytical minds prefer the left. In my experience math enthusiasts favored the left and humanists the right, yet the trend reversed in psychology classes. I suspect the authority figure’s consistent placement on the right subtly guides students’ seating, and perhaps their thinking.
On Eternity
Inspired by a recent lecture and the visit of Danish lama Ole Nydahl, I have started to see the body as a temporary vessel and the mind as holding an enduring essence. Life’s purpose may be tied to reincarnation and eternal growth, and psychologists, with their perpetual curiosity, seem to embody that endless renewal of the human spirit.
My Struggle With Algebra
For the fourth time, I failed my algebra exam despite working harder than on anything before. Prayer, pressure, and calm all gave the same result. So I am treating algebra as an unrequited love and getting angry enough to win: a battle plan of short daily sessions until the subject finally gives in.
“The Secret”
I am considering switching from glasses to colored contact lenses and imagining a world with crimson skies. At the same time, I am searching for a new life philosophy to replace my fatalistic mindset, inspired by “The Secret” and its claim that positive thinking attracts what we want. It may be naive, but it brings renewed hope and value to life.
Uta Stansburiana
The males of the Uta stansburiana lizard play a rock-paper-scissors game: orange, yellow and blue types cycle in a stable evolutionary state known as a Nash equilibrium. This challenged my assumption that nature is always hierarchical, and it led me to reflect on how far such strategies parallel human social dynamics, and where human relationships need more.
On Astronaut’s Depression
After a long depressive episode, something unexpectedly lifted this autumn. That got me curious about why depression follows certain professions, above all astronauts: Buzz Aldrin, Lisa Nowak, and NASA’s research on isolation and connection. The conclusion lands close to home: social ties matter more than any other remedy.
On Insomnia Coming After Me
It is 4 am and insomnia is back, bringing every anxiety I usually outrun by staying busy: the fear of the future, self-criticism, a scary medical wait, and the years ahead. Oddly, the same sleepless hours also make me appreciate aging, and remind me I have explored every corner of my own mind.
On People and Elevators
During a layover in Paris, I observed airport behavior and noticed that, despite the crowd, I felt unusually comfortable making eye contact with strangers. That led me to ask why we behave so differently in confined spaces like elevators, and what human and primate behavior reveals about the evolutionary instincts behind our reactions in tight spaces.
Parenting in Poland in 2009
My colleague Lech Stawikowski shared what he noticed while sorting through nationwide questionnaires from Polish children: parents’ education shapes aspirations more than anything else, family meals are vanishing, and independent thinking is waning. Plus my own experiment on whether a perfume can boost exam memory.
On Melancholy and Master Osho
Mid-exams, I am stuck in a mental slump I cannot explain: every test says I am fine, yet nothing sparks. Osho’s “Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously” and the archangels’ colloquy from The Book of Mirdad helped me trace where the melancholy comes from, and why inaction is the real danger.
Impressions from Traveling Through Western Europe: Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark, and Sweden
I’ve recently been navigating through a period of uncertainty but managed to reengage with life by attending a vibrant science evening and exploring Europe. My travels took me through Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark, and Sweden, where I immersed myself in local atmospheres and cultures.
A Trip to California, Part II
After a few weeks in California, I have noticed that Americans can be more conservative than Europeans, especially at the beach and at the doctor’s. The friendly atmosphere and strict laws sit alongside a subtle but evident racial segregation. On the bright side, Californian tourism is refreshingly affordable, and my first baseball game was a revelation.
A Trip To California, Part I
My American adventure starts with a canceled flight and a night at an $85 airport Marriott, but I am staying positive. Despite pushing the baggage limits and feeling unprepared for coding, I am excited to see whether California is a good fit for me. I also completed the mandatory NIH course on research with human subjects, so I am certified and ready for lab work.
On Energy and Where It Comes From
My approach to life has shifted dramatically since high school. While my peers settle into mundane jobs and predictable lives, I remain energized and proactive, and I keep asking what has fueled this change over the past five years. I worry about the trend of losing vitality in one’s twenties, and I am curious about the risks of such a high-energy lifestyle.
I’m Going to Caltech!
I’ve been accepted into the Summer Undergraduate Research Fellowship (SURF) 2008 program at Caltech, and I’m thrilled to embark on this exciting adventure in California! My research will focus on autism and perception, specifically comparing how individuals with autism and those without perceive and interact with faces. We’ll test the hypothesis that people with autism experience increased social anxiety, leading to reduced eye contact, using an eyetracker to measure gaze patterns on human and animal eyes.
On Charisma
For Friday night, I suggest a YouTube binge I call “professional entertainment”: “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” clips from around the world. I am fascinated by how some knowledgeable people stay so relaxed and eccentric, with a charm and charisma that sets them apart, and the contestants range from the clueless to the truly remarkable.
On My Internship Project at Caltech
My research project, and possible ticket to an internship abroad: why do autistic people avoid direct eye contact? Current theories point to the moving mouth or a general pull toward motion. I will test a different idea, that social stress drives gaze away, using an eyetracker on human and animal faces.
On Loneliness and Courage
I moved to the Medical Physics specialization, started a biomathematics thesis with a friend, and for the first time everything I studied began to connect. Specializing has a cost, though: solitude. A passage from Osho on the affirmation of loneliness helped me sit with it.