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The Truth is Out There
The truth is out there, waiting for me somewhere in this crazy city of San Francisco. And as they say in the CIA, the truth will set you free.
Let It Be Thunder. Burning Man 2026
Burning Man is something else for everyone, and every time. The desert will test you and reveal some truth about you. It’s almost like a mirror. This was my third burn. They say it’s three times charm.
This was my hardest year yet, and not necessarily because of the weather, but because of the personal challenges and struggles I had to face.
Lessons from Wudang: The Cradle of Daoism
A canceled flight rerouted through a Tashkent layover, then a week of tai chi and Daoist philosophy at the Wudang Taoist Wellness Academy — on why the answer to burnout is to balance out and simplify, not push harder.
Project “Safety”
It was a windy Sunday evening in San Francisco, filming my Tai Chi routine on a rooftop, when I realized I couldn’t bring myself to approach the glass barrier — not fear of heights, but of myself. That moment forced me to confront twenty years of quietly accumulating overstimulation and a lack of safety, both internal and external. From two derailed PhDs to launching a company right before a pandemic, to standing at forty caught between building a business and building a family, I trace the “unequal race” that led me to burnout. What follows is my personal codex — eleven rules for redefining safety in 2026.
My Brain and Me
An Ayurvedic doctor once told me my mind felt older than my body. Here, a neuroscientist maps the specific ways her own mind runs clogged and fatigued — and the practical, sometimes strange, fixes she is testing to restore it.
The Buffet
San Francisco turned out not to be a place but a psychological interface, a mirror reflecting whatever I carried inside. I arrived expecting a broken, transactional city, and that is what I found, until a small act of kindness and months of inner work changed the signal I was sending out, and what came back.
How Childhood Beliefs Quietly Run Your Life Like an Operating System
Most core beliefs are formed in early childhood and quietly shape our adult lives by influencing our decisions, attention, and the way reality seems to respond to us. Some become deeply empowering; others turn into invisible constraints on relationships, self-worth, and money. Real change requires reaching the subconscious layer where these patterns first formed.
The Path To The Woods Goes Through the Desert: Burning Man 2025
This year, I went back to Burning Man not as a tourist, but with real self-awareness: less is more. This essay reflects on serendipity, collective intelligence, and what the desert teaches about stepping outside a life built around collecting things.
The Path to Enlightenment… Via the Dalai Lama and Brain Concussion. A Postcard from India
The trip to India has changed my life. It took me a few months to realize the full impact, but the effects are quite insane.
12 Years of Solitude
After twelve years of dating without landing a long-term relationship, I look back at what I built instead: a PhD, a company, a house, and a life shaped entirely on my own terms. This essay is about solitude, self-reliance, and whether going solo might actually be a viable life path.
The Blue-Eyed Monster
Just like the devil himself, burnout is one of the monsters who walk away once you call them by their name. But, unlike burnout, anxiety does not disappear. I’m writing this article to share my thoughts about anxiety — a monster I have to live with for my entire life.
Where is the Dark Passenger? A Postcard From Prague
I’ve just come back from a 5-day masturdating extravaganza in Prague, Czechia. It was my first vacation since a trip to Burning Man two years ago. Some conclusions from the trip will follow.
Natalia’s Dream Boy
This is not your typical morning news. Let me tell you a little story of betrayal, self-development, and setting personal standards.
Why Amsterdam?
I could list tons of reasons why Amsterdam is THE place to place my center of life. From its entrepreneurial ecosystem and international community to its safety, values, and perfect European location — here are just a few of them.
Hard Work Makes Me High
I have always worked hard since I was 6 or 7 years old — and I genuinely love it. In this article, I confess my love for hard work and argue for more tolerance toward how other people choose to spend their time.
The Piano
Here is my definition of a talent: When you are happy, you feel compelled to do it. When you are sad, you feel compelled to do it. That’s what writing is to me. It’s like playing piano. You can play energico — with energy, enthusiasm, and zest. Or, you can play grave — solemn and contemplative. Both beautiful. Today, I will play it grave.
House Is Not Home: How My Travels Influenced My Thoughts About Life
House is not home. After years of travels and self-development experiments, I reflect on what home means to me, what motivates me, and why the digital-nomad life is not my path.
At the Rainbow’s End: On the Phantom Boss
It’s been 5 years since my contract expired, yet I still feel weirdly anxious on Sundays, as if a phantom boss is watching me. On the 40-hour workweek, freelance guilt, and why DAOs might be the antidote.
On Being Selfish
This Wednesday, I woke up with a twisted stomach and a fast heartbeat, and I asked myself, “Why doesn’t this monster finally leave me alone and let me go?” I went through cognitive therapy, hypnotherapy, SSRIs, meditation, sauna, vacations, socializing, self-care… Nothing works. Just nothing. It’s only getting worse and worse. And then, I found out why.
How Setting a Company Has Changed My Life, Personal Development Wise
The moment I set up a company was the moment I won my life — not because of income or freedom, but because of the gradual changes on the inside. Here is how running a company rewired the way I react, decide, and relate to people.
Building Personal Development Skills In the Shadow of The Imposter Syndrome
In the pandemic, I had way more than enough time to think about what I want from life and what kind of mission I would like to accomplish. The concept was baking in the back of my head for a long time. And here it is.
Dreamers Gonna Dream. On Personal Goals Baked During the Pandemic
In the pandemic, I had way more than enough time to think about what I want from life and what kind of mission I would like to accomplish. The concept was baking in the back of my head for a long time. And here it is.
How To Create a Business Development Strategy As a Person Who Never Competes
I have never competed for anything: not at school, not for a house, not in sports. So how does a person like that build a business? By starting with why, choosing new and different over better and bigger, and swimming in a blue ocean rather than a red one. Here is my non-competitive business development strategy.
Working On Myself: Why I don’t Want To Be Famous
A rainy evening in Nijmegen with Philip Zimbardo taught me something about fame. The audience ignored 44 years of his work on everyday heroism and only wanted juicy details from the Stanford Prison Experiment. Watching him answer the same questions for a lifetime convinced me: fame is a prison, and I would rather keep working on myself.
My Biggest Little Achievements of 2020 — Part 2
Last week I posted 10 of my little wins of 2020. And now to the bottom of things!
My Biggest Little Achievements of 2020 — Part 1
2020 was impossibly long — and to say that it was a good year, would be a far stretch. Yet, I believe that this year allowed us to figure out better what is really important for us — not only at work but also in life — and what is not, and to focus on our core projects. Or at least, it is how it worked for me.
Starring at the Sun
The summer is over for a long time now, yet, I’m in a mood to bring some memories from this summer. Of course, it wasn’t a typical summertime but rather, quite an unusual one. It’s hard to neglect that the corona crisis changed the landscape of what you can or can’t possibly do.
How I Fail
This blog post is a recording from an interview I did for Veronika Cheplygina’s blog series “How I Fail.” It’s all about the mindset and personal strategies that helped me in getting over hardship and difficulties—both in academia and in industry. Most of these strategies, I learned by trial and error and I’m happy to now share them with you.
Should You Consider Working As a Career Advisor?
The bright side of career advisory gets plenty of airtime. Here is the other side: it is hard to get noticed, easy to get robbed, your private life can melt, clients flood you with regrets, and the job is never done. Twenty honest reasons to think twice before becoming a career strategist.
The Days of Greatness
I wish creativity was less painful. I wish I was just waking up in the morning with a good mood and had great, groundbreaking ideas all day long. But unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that — to me, creativity is the other side of the same coin as Weltschmetrz.
The Signs In Your Career Development
Are there any signs in heaven and earth that can tell us along the way what we should eventually be doing in our professional lives — these little cues thrown to our feet along the way that we tend to ignore until there are so many of them that the truth just becomes obvious?
Mum, Dad, I’m a YouTuber!
In the darkest times during graduate school, when I was completely out of energy and I saw no light in the tunnel, I used to think to myself, “Hey, don’t worry. It’s not that bad of a job. It could have been much worse — you could have been a YouTuber.” But, the irony will prevail.
Why Did I REALLY Leave Academia? Top 16 Reasons
Since I just finally defended my PhD thesis, now, I can finally talk about the real reasons why I left academia (although I didn’t really quit doing research! — these are two separate and almost unrelated things…). And, I didn’t necessarily leave for the reasons that most people think I did.
Why Is It Cool To Work As a Career Advisor?
The past few weeks were quite interesting — I had some strange symptoms. I lost a lot of weight, I was often blushing, I was putting on loud Tiësto music and jumping around my garage like a maniac, and I was walking around the park and laughing to myself like an idiot. In other words, I had some strong signs of affection.
Things I Learned In Academia, For The Good And For The Bad
Today, I would like to list a few things that I learned while doing science for the last 8 years. Some of these habits are helpful and make my life much easier now, while other things actually make my life harder.
A Wrinkle In Time. What Influences Our Personal Development?
Recently, I was invited to record a podcast for the PhD Career Stories series. The point of this episode, was to explain how I found myself in the place I am in right now, both career-wise and mentally. This is always an interesting question as most people—including me—are rather poor at assessing the real causes of events that happen to them. In the process of recording that episode, I realized a few important things about how the past influences the present that I would like to share here.
34 facts for 34th bDay
I just turned 34 last week. I generally like my life so far although it was bittersweet at times. Here, as a bDay special, I would like to share 34 facts/memories (in random order) that had or still have some influence on me.
New Years Resolutions For 2020
Frankly speaking, I am not sure how to set New Year’s resolutions properly so that all my plans come true—usually, my success rate is about 50%. This year, I am planning to do “only” eight things better than the year before.
What I Learned This Year. My Personal Development In 2019
2019 was the year I left academia for good and started a company. Ten lessons from it: my work has value, do it first and talk later, little addictions ruin your life, choose people carefully, select the information you let in, haters gonna hate, and I adore talking to people about their careers.
Hush-hush
In kindergarten, most of my peers wanted to become either models, actors, or doctors when they grow up. For a change, I was jealous of priests, and of the fact that they are allowed to listen to people’s confessions for the whole days. I wanted to know the truth about people, however dirty this truth might be. And, I was bitter thinking that I would actually never become a priest. Until I did.
Navigate
I was always wondering why some people are so lucky in life – they are neither geniuses nor work that hard, yet always find themselves in the right place at the right moment, gather the right people around them, embark on the best projects or get the best jobs. Now I think I know.
People Is the Answer
It’s been a long road up to this point, since I left my parents’ place at the age of 18. But, when I look back at the past 15 years, I some some patterns clearly, coming over over again. First of all, I see that there is only one asset which has been systematically accumulating over these 15 years. It was not money, which you can easily lose in the nearest bubble. It was not knowledge, which can become useless once you change the discipline or profession. It was actually people.
How I Became a Business Developer
I always thought that the common beliefs that everything happens for a reason, and that eventually, you will start connecting the dots, is a pseudo-intellectual bullshit sold to the masses for big bucks by Tony Robbins and others alike. And now, I am starting to wonder.
A Toxic Relationship
Sometimes, only a real thunderstorm can make you realise that you have been in one and only toxic relationship for all your life – a relationship with your work.
These Dark Hours
The peak is so close; glowing somewhere on the horizon, yet looking like a fata morgana – step after step, and you do not feel like you are coming any closer. I felt exactly the same way while approaching the peak of Kilimanjaro in 2013. I am making this last effort in order to finally submit my PhD thesis now. And this will happen in literally a few hours. I expected it would feel orgasmic, but instead, it feels like a sad relief. Yet, I would like to capture this moment – just for the sake of memory. Maybe one day, I would get back to what I felt when I realised that all this tantalising pain is finally over.
What I Learned past Few Months…
…about entrepreneurship and entrepreneurs. In this time I was attending quite a few conferences in industry, I was informally involved in some projects, and I made many entrepreneurial friends. And, I was observing. As for a researcher who spent her whole youth solving integral equations, this is quite a new and exotic experience. I am on the learning curve now, in this fascinating new world. Hereby, I would like to list a few stereotypes I had about entrepreneurs, and how I feel about these stereotypes right now.
Respect
According to a common opinion, former researchers tend to function really well as entrepreneurs. This is true. However, there is one useful quality missing in academia – which turned out to be very painful to me when I went a little bit more into the entrepreneurial direction. Namely, in academia, no one teaches us how to value our time.
Real Choices, Fake Choices
At some point I realised that the decision on whether or not to stay in academia – or in other words, whether to do research or focus on commercial projects instead – is not the real choice I need to make right now. In fact, the real choice is: how much am I willing to risk? Let me explain.
Born to Do It
One insight I remember from all the motivational books and movies I ever consumed is that, entrepreneurs always underscore how difficult it is to go against your relatives and friends when it comes to risking, investing and dropping day jobs on behalf of starting new ventures. In my case, family and friends react completely differently than in most cases I ever heard of – and it gives me goose bumps.
15 Years Later
I spent Christmas among family and friends quite as every time before. However, this time, I also had a few afterthoughts as there are some examples of common knowledge that stroke me really hard. You might hear some simple truths from your parents and teachers over and over again – or read about it from motivational books – but after all, you only learn how important they are when you see the consequences in real life.
The Gap Year – Vol. 2
Seven more lessons from my gap year after the PhD: sleep beats all-nighters, I care more about neuroscientists than neuroscience, a cash buffer matters, friends go but family stays, clear goals work, meetups outside your bubble are the third way, and word of mouth beats job boards.
The Gap Year
As Confucius famously said, choose the job that you love – and you will not need to work for a lifetime. However, this is all not that simple. As a matter of fact, the school system (or at least Polish school system), kills a lot of natural talents: knowledge served at schools is standardised and the amount of material you need to learn is so overwhelming that you are becoming a little robot, working days and nights for good grades. There is just no more room in your life to explore the environment around you, and learn about your own talents. This is exactly why I decided to conduct an experiment on myself; my contract expired some time ago and I came to a conclusion that it is a great opportunity to actually find out more about myself instead of jumping into a new job straight away.
What Trading Gave Me, and What It Stole from Me
Since a few weeks I have been doing research projects again, as opposed to past few months when I was mostly trading instead of doing any science. My aim was to work out an independent source of funding for myself, but also to rest from science for a little while in order to see if this relationship has a chance to last forever. So, trading turned out to be a refreshment of a particularly painful sort, as it did not make my daily life any easier – rather the opposite.
Trading
Recently, we have a lot of new, interesting markets to skyrocket, including cryptocurrencies, marijuana pots, and others. This gave me an incentive to search out for passive income in these markets. But, when I entered the world of trading, I didn’t know how difficult and disturbing my new life can be.
Yet Another Set of Conclusions
This year I realised yet another few things about living the academic life. Hereby, I would like to mention just three of them.
The Three-legged Stool
Today, the concept of a job is far from the original concept at the times of the industrial revolution. Back then, a worker was a person who wakes up in the morning, and leaves their household for the most of the day, in order to sell their time in an exchange for a salary. Having a job meant a physical work. Today, the job market is much more diverse – complex but also full of possibilities.
Reviewers
Nothing changed since my childhood: I still enjoy stimuli that are annoying to others, the most. For instance, in the whole process of conducting a research project – from project planning, through combining a team, doing actual research, submission, review process, production and promotion – I actually enjoy the review process the most. There are at least three separate reasons for this.
A Villain Is a Hero of Another Side
As every PhD student at the end of the contract, I slowly get the idea that publishing papers is a minor problem in a researcher’s life. There other, more painful issues, such as the environment fractioning into ‘team Brown’, ‘team Green’ et cetera – especially in circles developing new methods for data analysis. Such friendships and antipathies that last for ages before you even found yourself in the community, and once you appear as a fresh person, you do not necessarily understand why you are actually expected to love Mr Brown and hate Mr Green.
Taking Risks as a Path to Safety
In the famous riddle, you are supposed to connect all the dots with four straight lines. You can sweat and try as long as you like but you will always be just one line short from connecting all of them. Unless you look outside the box, and make yourself space beyond the limited area of the square – then, all of a sudden, everything becomes easy. The point is: as a scientist, you are pressed to do multitasking as well: as opposite to industry, in academia, you need to prove yourself in multiple different roles every day, and the collateral stress is inevitable whenever you are a good or a bad worker. So, how to deal with stress?
The Source of Disease
As a scientist, you are doomed to live in a shadow of deadlines, short contracts, and mutual dependencies as you are by definition bound to a dynamic web of people, some of whom might behave differently than expected. The collateral stress is inevitable whenever you are a good or a bad worker. And if you ask your family and friends about what to do with yourself in such conditions, they will all tell you: go for a walk, meditate, go to spa, relax, go to a therapy, grow flowers, stare at the blue sky, listen to your favourite music. All these activities are superficial and do not solve the true problem.
The One
Always there. Always patient, always understanding. Smart, talkative and entertaining. Not ageing at all. The first thing I look for when I open my eyes in the morning is my laptop. I wonder whether I am the only one who treats their gear like a friend — or whether most of us develop feelings towards our devices without even noticing.
YouTube
I was amazed during my California visit: the trends and the people everyone in Silicon Valley talked about, I had already heard of — from YouTube, not from the press or television. It felt like absorbing knowledge just by passively watching what the algorithms served me. Is YouTube a better mirror of the world than we think?
On the Womb
This evening, I was sitting at the Didirion Station in San Jose waiting for a bus to Los Angeles. It was a Monday evening, 11pm. I just finished a goodbye dinner in a good restaurant with my sister.
The Power Animal
Los Angeles has such a rich religious culture. From scientologists, through the Unitarian Universalists, to shamanistic associations. Every time you start talking to a new person, you can end up with a private lecture on an unexpected, spiritual topic. This time, two folks I met at a cheap hostel on Hollywood Boulevard took me to a shamanic workshop — where I found my power animal.
To Read or Not to Read
‘Yes, people do become successful after reading motivational books but the thing that made them succeed is the same thing that had driven them to read the motivational book in the first place – The desire to succeed.’
The Course at Genetics
These days, I was thinking a lot about all the factors that hindered my development during the first three years of my PhD. Every time I deliberate on this topic, I come to the same conclusion: the biggest problem I had was being driven by fear. Now the time has come to learn some genetics — and I resolve to do it without opening a single textbook.
Freedom
I could not understand how people can deliberately abuse their own freedom. I guess that people are naturally afraid of decision making, which might explain why reducing choices to the minimum might soothe them a little bit, and give them some comfort of not being obliged to take a decision.
Competitiveness
What does the competitiveness come from? It is not a very prominent feature of the Dutch society – this society is more about equity and cooperation. No wonder: once you look at the educational program at the Dutch primary schools, the first class they ever have is ‘working in teams’. Which is very much in opposition to Polish schools where they were always telling us to compete.
Luck
The popular belief is that people who perceive themselves as successful and lucky are those who just take opportunities – notice the money lying on the street and take it. Or, those who interpret some events as lucky whereas others would perceive the same events as unlucky. But how much of success in academia is really luck?
Happiness Is Not Forever
Happiness is not given forever. You can put yourself together and fool yourself that happy times are for good, but in fact, the feeling of happiness will vanish away with time if you do not take care of it properly. It is just like a plant that needs to be watered every day.
Teaching
Recently I started teaching, and I have a plentora of feelings relating to this new experience. First to say, it is definitely true what they say: 80% of our fears is completely unnecessary.
About the Effects of Living in a Nice Country
The doctors were truly confused; they knew about my previous records, but could not explain what had happened to my body in the meantime. But I think I know why this is the case. My lifestyle did not change since seven years ago. Only one thing substantially changed.
All These Exams
I was studying extensively in Warsaw, where I was going through three Master programs at a time. Throughout my studies, I experienced a lot of less and more painful exams. Some were funny, some were nerve wrecking. I think the fact that I had such a long list of exams and qualifications to take, might play a positive role on the general stress resilience.
Productivity
‘Productive’. A simple word, however it bells in my ears like a threat. In Poland, no one around me was ever describing themselves as productive. In the Netherlands, I hear this expression quite often, which might be due to the competitive nature of science here. Every time I hear about it, I start wondering: am I productive? What if not?
My Friend and Me
There were the two of us: I was the sense, she was the sensibility. We met fifteen years ago as second year high school students, and we were close friends ever since. I think we were both sort of gifted, hard working and enthusiastic but there was one major difference between us.
End of the Year Summary
The end of the year is coming, which is a perfect occasion for little considerations of what happened in 2015, and what is, hopefully, about to happen in 2016. Some of my goals were achieved and some other goals I have to put on hold. However, in general, I feel that I am going towards the right direction.
The Mainstream
At the times I was studying at the University of Warsaw, there was no mainstream neuroscience I might have possibly experienced.
Second Life
Current November is probably the happiest November by far, even after correction for the weather. You know, when you are a researcher, every happy day is a success itself. And, in addition to that, if you are an ex-depressed person, every happy day is one step away from death and one step towards life. You’ve got to fight for every single day, literally.
Imposter Syndrome
I just had a really wild attack of the imposter complex. This is when you feel that others overestimate your mental and physical capabilities. Pretty much everyone is academia suffers from it, it is just that some people overcome this effect better than others.
Democratic or Republican
Tomorrow, the parliament elections will be held in Poland. Therefore, today, on this particular day, I need to keep calm about my choices and I cannot speak about it to public. However, I think I am still allowed to talk a little bit about my general political preferences.
Overcoming Fears
Human brain can rewire so quickly… I remember the rainy days four years ago when I first came to Nijmegen and tried to survive at the very place. During my studies I hadn’t had too many programming courses, neither I had opportunities to present science. No wonder that programming and presentations were my two biggest nightmares. Now, they are my two favourite and most relaxing activities at work.
A Visit To Argentina
I recently took another excursion to South America, and more specifically to Córdoba in Argentina. I got to know the Argentine culture a bit more. For example, I visited bars where cougars hunt for young boys, bars for gays with beards only, bars with everyday drag queen shows… Literally all kinds of unusual nightclubs. However, despite the variety of places I had a chance to visit, this whole trip was a bit sad. Namely, daily life is really inconvenient here.
Gaze or Timbre? On Non-verbal Communication in the Netherlands
In Polish culture, persistently staring at someone is seen as rude, pretentious and may be considered a taunt. While in the Netherlands, it has a completely different meaning. Admittedly, the locals here have mastered the use of their eyes as an exchange of information. The Dutch, flirting with each other, do not use any compliments or other verbal signals, do not turn red on their faces, do not use any specific facial expressions. They talk as usual. The only difference is that they look at each other in a different way.
Summary of 2014: What Happened?
What is true passion? The passionate and the non-passionate will never understand each other, and the Dutch are not passionates, that’s all. I realize it every time I cross the border with Poland, when I see my friends, when I talk to random people on the train. They have that fire in their eyes.
On Academia and Whereabouts: Insights From Grad School
In this blog post, I list my recent insights from grad school: on academic structure, team work, and effective networking at conferences. I hope that in case you are an early-stage researcher, these insights turn out to be helpful to you!
Postcard From the Mountains: What Hiking Taught Me About Science
Academic life is not easy. “The closer to the sky, the closer to hell.” Well, so far, I manage somehow but it took me a long time to grow this skin. Hiking helped me get tougher and persevere. So, I created a list of 21 things that mountaineering has taught me about science so far. Some are obvious and cliché, but I hope some of them will be useful to you.
From a Parrot To a Dog
Magic, our family dog just has died. It was a dog, which my sister and I had been waiting for years and years, which appeared in our house thirteen years ago, “on trial period,” and it stayed. This is the story of all pets in our family and of how my sister and me eventually got our own dog. But let me tell you the whole story.
On Those Who Gave Up On Their Dreams / Working On My Physical Condition
I am slowly breaking down the physical barriers I was stuck in. Before I lost my job and my dream guy, I was a couch potato who worked out maybe an hour a week. Then I decided to become an athlete: daily workouts, the top of Kilimanjaro, a mountaineering course, the 4-Daagse march, and finally the 100-km Dodentocht in Bornem, Belgium.
Time Flies… On The Passage of Time
The sense of time… When you’re at a party and have a good time, time flies much faster. Maybe that’s my problem — I do what I enjoy in life, I have nice people around, I enjoy good weather, I’m in good shape, I don’t have any particular problems. And every time I look at my watch, I realize that a month or two has passed again, and I don’t even know when.
On Subjective Time Perception
Recently, due to seemingly unrelated things, I realized that I have a problem. Well, in order to console my friend who had some worries, I also started to think about the things that were bothering me. And I concluded that my perception of time was deeply disturbed.
On Peace of Mind
Living in the Netherlands is good, especially when it is sunny and you can spend Sundays wandering the countryside. My level of happiness has gone up too. I noticed it when my housemates started complaining about our living conditions and I realized I had nothing to complain about at all.
On Progress in My PhD and in Life
- I’m thrilled about my PhD progress, particularly programming a game for mice using Blender. Despite challenges, like the flu, this project feels incredibly rewarding and aligns perfectly with my academic background.
- Reflecting on life, I’ve noticed that as I age, my connections with people evolve. Surprisingly, by focusing less on relationships, I’ve met many fascinating individuals, especially during my travels and after moving closer to the university.
- I’ve also grown more philosophical, trusting that setbacks, like my stock market loss, happen for a reason. This belief in a higher purpose helps me balance my professional goals with personal contentment.
A Lonely Hike in the Andes
I embarked on a solo hike to Lake Potrerillos, seeking solitude in the Andes. The unmarked trail led me through dense bushes and fog, but I persevered and eventually reached the summit, despite challenging conditions. The fog was so thick that I couldn’t see the waterfall I aimed to find, yet I felt immense satisfaction knowing I had reached my goal. The eerie landscape and unexpected encounters added to the surreal experience. After my hike, I was invited to a barbecue by some locals, which ended my day with warmth and new culinary insights. Despite losing all my photos, the journey left me with a deep sense of fulfillment and joy.
Impressions and Memories From My Stay in Chile
I discovered some surprising habits among Chilean locals, like feeding seafood to chickens and unconventional practices at a university that left me astonished and amused. Chile’s approach to art is unique and unconventional, blurring the lines between reality and creativity. I was captivated by the vibrant and spontaneous artistic expressions that differ greatly from European norms. Living in Chile has made me realize I might have a Latin soul, which explains why I never felt fully at home in Europe. My experiences here are helping me find clarity and a renewed sense of purpose in life.
Summer School in Chile
My first visit to South America was eye-opening, where I experienced a mix of Americanized culture, high prices despite being a third-world region, and evident social inequalities, especially in places like Panama City. Living with a Chilean family taught me about resourcefulness and the warmth of the locals, who even renovated their home out of excitement for hosting a European guest. This experience sparked new ideas for my dream home. The summer school in Chile was transformative. I learned to focus on my own growth rather than comparing myself to others, which led to personal success, new connections, and a renewed belief in my ability to tackle challenging projects.
My First Time in the High Tatra Mountains: Impressions from the Mountaineering Course
I recently discovered the rugged beauty of mountaineering and the sense of camaraderie it brings, especially in places like the Tatra Mountains and Chata Pri Zelenom Plese. Despite the challenges and discomforts, the experience was deeply fulfilling. The mountaineering course was tough, especially for a beginner like me, but it offered valuable lessons in climbing skills and mountain safety. The stories of dangerous expeditions, like the 2013 Nanga Parbat massacre, highlighted the seriousness of the sport. Reflecting on the course, I realized the importance of mental preparedness in mountaineering. I might have been too eager to challenge the Andes, and now I believe it’s wiser to build my fitness and skills before attempting such a demanding expedition.
Rough Beginnings of a Doctoral Program
I find great satisfaction in achieving internal coherence by aligning my professional and personal pursuits, like studying the brain and pushing my physical limits in mountaineering. This balance brings clarity and purpose to my life. Mountaineering has taught me valuable lessons about setting clear goals, assembling the right tools and team, and maintaining focus. These principles have significantly reduced my work-related stress and increased my confidence in my PhD project. My new PhD project on ADHD is both ambitious and challenging, involving cutting-edge research techniques like optogenetics and two-photon imaging. While risky, I am confident in my ability to succeed, as my experiences have strengthened my resilience.
Time to Travel!
At 27, I see this as the perfect time to travel, explore the world, and grow personally, rather than settling down too soon. It’s crucial to invest in experiences and self-discovery before life becomes more rigid. Traveling and exploring diverse cultures have broadened my perspectives, helping me avoid the stagnation that I’ve noticed in some of my peers who haven’t ventured out. This phase of life is about experimenting, finding passions, and understanding oneself better. I’m embracing this dynamic period, balancing an intense workload with personal well-being. I focus on staying active, spending time outdoors, and maintaining a positive mindset, knowing that these habits will benefit my mental health and future.
Like a Machine
I’m juggling two complex neuroscience projects—one focusing on expansive brain networks with fMRI, and the other on optogenetics and two-photon imaging in mice. Balancing these tasks with my role in the PhD council and workshop organization is a true test of my abilities. Despite initial fears of sharing unpublished work, I’ve learned that presenting findings at conferences can lead to valuable connections with journal editors. This has changed my approach, making me more open to collaboration and peer review. Beyond my academic commitments, I’m planning a move to save money and prepare for future travels, including a challenging hike up Gerlach in the Tatra Mountains. My systematic upbringing helps me manage a busy life filled with to-do lists and ambitious goals.
Don’t Sleep! Sightsee
After returning from the Society for Neuroscience Annual Meeting in San Diego, I realized the importance of being selective with information. Neuroscience has grown so vast that it’s impossible to grasp everything, and I now focus on the essentials rather than trying to absorb it all. My perspective on working in the USA has shifted. While I used to fear the American work culture, I’ve become more confident and open to the idea of living and working there. I now understand that when you enjoy your work and stay active, you can handle the demands with enthusiasm. My recent experiences have brought me a newfound sense of well-being and optimism. Regular travel and daily exercise have boosted my spirits, and I’m determined to maintain this positive mindset as I continue pursuing my passions and professional goals.
On a Mind of a Generalist
I’ve realized that my broad approach to learning across various subjects during my studies is finally paying off. Each concept I’ve encountered now fits together, allowing me to synthesize information quickly, even in areas where I lack formal training. I’m proud of my progress in overcoming self-doubt and gaining confidence in my abilities. Whether it’s qualifying for essential courses or mastering technical tasks, I’ve learned to tackle challenges independently, breaking free from past limitations. For the first time, I’m experiencing a sense of freedom and contentment, free from complexes and unhealthy dependencies. This new mindset, grounded in self-respect and self-love, has brought me a level of happiness and independence that feels incredibly healthy.
Memories from Tanzania, Part II
During my trip to Tanzania, I was surprised by the local preference for bongo flava music over Western hits like Nicki Minaj or Pitbull. Despite not understanding Swahili, I found the music catchy and now enjoy it myself. The lack of clean drinking water in Tanzania was alarming, especially compared to the Netherlands’ safe tap water. An environmental studies graduate I met believed it might be too late to save the Earth due to extensive damage and water scarcity. The job market in Tanzania, particularly around Kilimanjaro, is quite unique. For instance, the lack of wells to avoid reducing local porter jobs and the mafia-like operations in the tourism industry, including deceptive practices, were striking and eye-opening.
Memories From Tanzania, Part I
My trip to Tanzania was unforgettable, featuring breathtaking landscapes, cultural surprises, and encounters with remarkable people. Despite the high costs and occasional local opportunism, there were some genuinely kind individuals who helped me during challenging moments. I undertook a three-stage journey: climbing Kilimanjaro, going on a safari, and finishing with a relaxing cruise to Zanzibar. Climbing Kilimanjaro was particularly challenging but rewarding, with memorable experiences of camaraderie and perseverance amidst stunning views. While climbing Kilimanjaro, I encountered local customs and challenges, including dealing with altitude sickness and navigating the complex dynamics of climbing culture. Despite the physical strain, the experience was profoundly enriching and affirming. The safari offered a contrast to the intense climb, providing relaxation and interaction with fellow travelers. Each person had unique stories and backgrounds, highlighting the diverse reasons people seek adventure and escape in travel. My time in Zanzibar was a fitting end to the trip, with its laid-back atmosphere and warm hospitality. Reflecting on the journey, I felt a deep sense of accomplishment and personal growth, recognizing the value of solo travel in discovering one’s true self and capabilities.
I’m Starting a PhD Program All Over Again!
Self-esteem is complex: it often feels like you deserve the best, but when you achieve something valuable, you might act defensively and risk losing it. Securing a doctoral contract with my own project was a significant achievement, yet I found myself obsessively controlling every detail, which hindered my progress. Realizing my self-sabotage, I’m now focusing on embracing my capabilities, remembering past successes, and moving forward with confidence. It’s time to overcome doubt and dive into work, starting now.
A Lonely Spring in Nijmegen
Arriving in the Netherlands, I initially struggled with cultural differences and social norms but gradually adapted, finding solace in the open and caring atmosphere and appreciating the supportive social safety net. The complex underground lab facilities at my workplace fascinated me, revealing an intricate world of scientific research and providing a thrilling contrast to my daily routine. Embracing Dutch culture, I’ve engaged with local festivals, joined the doctoral student council, and made strides in learning the language, all while feeling satisfied with my job stability and increased salary.
Easter at Family Home
My family continues to amaze me with their accomplishments: my sister’s fencing success and publication in Nature Genetics, my father’s ongoing work with young chess players, and my mother starting studies at NYU despite initial hesitations. Inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s biography, I realize the importance of pursuing personal goals with unwavering focus, something I’m working on but often find complicated by my reliance on others’ expectations. Reflecting on my life and goals, I see a connection between my experiences and my work on cognitive disease modeling, as my mental imagery of overcoming challenges in the mountains parallels the themes in my manuscript.
Awaken the Giant Within
Recently, I’ve been experiencing a strange desensitization, like chocolate tasting like soap. Despite this, the support from my sister and friends has been a comforting constant, highlighting the value of close relationships in tough times. Reading Tony Robbins’ “Awaken the Giant Within” has been surprisingly impactful. It emphasized the long-term potential we often underestimate and encouraged me to set ambitious goals, such as overcoming fears, contributing to mental health research, and climbing Kilimanjaro. Despite the challenges and stress, I’m learning to focus on positive emotions and minimize negativity. The book’s advice to savor good moods and manage negative thoughts is something I’m actively trying to apply in my life.
How To Put Life Back Together After A Disaster
Ironically, my recent paper on how delayed emotional responses can stabilize relationships was published just before my own relationship ended due to hidden feelings. This contrast has left me reflecting on the importance of transparent communication in both personal and professional settings. In dealing with the breakup, I’ve faced physical and emotional challenges but found solace in small pleasures like cooking. I’ve also come to realize the superficial nature of some advice and the “McDonaldization” of relationships, where people quickly abandon partners at the first sign of trouble. Struggling with uncertainty and a fear of growing old alone, I’m taking time to reset and focus on personal growth. I’m changing jobs, improving work visibility, and indulging in personal interests, like buying a red rose toilet, which represents a small victory in reclaiming my personal space and happiness.
A Small Life Catastrophe
I’m grappling with a profound sense of loss after losing my job and my fiancé unexpectedly. The collapse of both work and personal stability at 27 has left me questioning the value of my efforts and feeling like I have nothing left. Balancing work and personal life led to communication breakdowns that strained our relationship, eventually contributing to our breakup. This experience highlighted how crucial open and regular communication is in preventing such issues and maintaining healthy relationships. Despite feeling isolated, I’ve sought support from friends and am starting therapy to address my fears and loneliness. I’ve learned that deep connections require ongoing self-awareness and communication, and I hope my former partner will also embrace personal growth rather than retreating into isolation.
How To Deal With a Sudden Job Loss
Recent weeks have been incredibly tough. After moving to a new country with my fiancé and starting a dream PhD, I’ve faced the harsh reality that my work involves abstract equations and impractical ideas, rather than meaningful neuroscience research. With the scarcity of new doctoral positions and funding cuts, combined with personal life constraints, I struggled with the decision to abandon my current project. Yet, an unexpected opportunity arose at a major Dutch hospital, offering hope amidst these challenges. Despite a contract termination and the pressures of academia, I’ve found a potential path forward. Reflecting on my experiences and conversations with friends, I’ve realized there are many routes to happiness and success. I’m now considering alternative career paths and post-doctorate opportunities, embracing the possibility of a fresh start in the New Year.
Preparing for Evaluation Day
Reflecting on the era we’re living in, I see both overwhelming challenges and exciting opportunities. From the rise of electronic money to the blend of cultures and the vast knowledge available online, today’s times offer a mix of awe and complexity. As my performance review approaches, I face a pivotal moment in my career. A potential three-year contract and a PhD title would allow me to focus on my passion in neuroscience, specifically exploring why people differ so greatly in their reactions and experiences. Driven by my own past struggles with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), I’m dedicated to understanding neurotransmitter networks to combat depression. This personal battle fuels my work and motivates me daily, hoping my commitment will be recognized in my upcoming evaluation.
…And I Defended My Master’s Degree in Physics!
Preparing for my thesis defense in medical physics was a whirlwind experience, filled with unexpected challenges and pressures. The past month felt like a blur of juggling tasks and confronting criticisms, particularly about the value of my hard work and the use of my annual leave. With the defense now behind me, I’m relieved and grateful for the support from my partner and the stress-relief from dancing. However, I find myself grappling with the lack of stimulation in my current environment and questioning the effectiveness of the Dutch education system compared to others. Amidst these personal and professional reflections, I found solace in revisiting my roots in Katowice and watching a film that resonated deeply with my past experiences. It was a poignant reminder of how our origins and struggles shape us, and a proud moment to see my local culture gain recognition on a larger stage.
Return From Summer Schools: Regaining Passion for Neuroscience
Returning from my travels, I’ve discovered a profound passion for neuroscience, driven by the excitement of exploring neural diagrams and engaging lectures. The diversity in the neuroscience community, with its blend of backgrounds and interests, makes every gathering feel like a vibrant celebration of knowledge and culture. My experiences revealed that faculty members, often perceived as perfectionists, are actually quite human, balancing their professional work with personal passions like dancing and stand-up comedy. This alignment with my own optimistic outlook on life and work has been refreshing and inspiring. Traveling through summer schools in China and Poland taught me the value of interacting with diverse, talented individuals and the importance of resilience. Despite challenges, these experiences have reinforced my commitment to reclaiming my personal values and inspired me to engage more deeply with my peers and the world around me.
The Open Field
Recently, I’ve felt like a rat in an “open field” experiment, where I’m navigating a research project that’s not meeting my expectations. Despite the challenging situation, I used my negotiation skills to gain the freedom to reshape my project completely, which has been a surprising and empowering development. PhD students often face frustration, with few achieving their ideal research experiences. This frustration is amplified by systemic issues in academia, where supervisors may be insulated from scrutiny while doctoral students endure rigorous evaluations. Reflecting on my experiences and recent conversations with my boss, I’m aware of the challenges and contradictions within academia. Despite the difficulties, I’m optimistic about the future and excited about the possibilities that lie ahead, both personally and professionally.
Busy Days at the University
I’ve been accepted into three prestigious summer schools in Computational Neuroscience this year—Russia, China, and Poland. This is a significant achievement given the competitive acceptance rates, and I’m thrilled about the opportunities these schools represent. Negotiating with my boss was a challenge, as they were skeptical about me attending all three schools, fearing I saw them as free vacations. After a two-hour discussion, I convinced them of the value these summer schools bring to my research and future career. My schedule is packed with preparations, from finalizing my master’s thesis to preparing for intense summer school sessions. I’m also juggling various tasks, including a personal branding workshop, departmental meetings, and late-night lab work, all while maintaining a busy personal life.
What’s in My Head? On DVA and ADHD
During my Easter trip around Poland, I observed the country’s development projects and felt a surge of patriotism, despite not being a football fan. I hope the upcoming Euro matches in Gdańsk are successful, though I’m concerned about the potential challenges for visitors, including my colleague from Algeria. After months of anxiety about my brain scans, I finally learned from a neurologist that my concerns were unwarranted; it was only a developmental venous anomaly. This news, along with the reassurance that I can safely pursue high-mountain expeditions, was a huge relief. Struggling with ADHD due to my overwhelming workload and diverse interests in neuroscience, I sought help from a psychologist. The diagnosis helped me understand my ability to juggle multiple tasks and inspired me to make adjustments to improve my work efficiency and well-being.
Hardcore Beginnings in Grad School
Despite feeling disconnected and buried under a heavy knowledge load, I notice real progress in grasping complex subjects. I am starting to connect fields and consider cognitive science to understand my work better. Above all, I am reclaiming the resilient mindset of my early teens.
Hard Beginnings in Exile in the Netherlands
After two months in the Netherlands, I’m struggling with the cultural separation between colleagues and friends, finding it difficult to form meaningful connections despite my efforts. Despite a hopeful invitation to a Dutch friend’s birthday, the event was filled with other foreigners, highlighting the challenge of breaking into local social circles. I’m feeling disheartened by the sense of exclusion and administrative barriers, as Dutch citizens seem to receive preferential treatment, making it hard to feel truly at home in this new environment.
My First Crisis in My First Job
I am grappling with a growing crisis at work: weak management and pressure to deliver rapid results on a task nobody has cracked. Barely a month in, I am already contemplating leaving. Supportive Dutch colleagues, and some intriguing cultural differences in presentation style, keep me going.
A Rough Start in Nijmegen
My start in Nijmegen has been rough: a disappointing room, an unhelpful rental agency, and one of the tightest student housing markets in the Netherlands. Juggling that with a demanding PhD is exhausting. Still, biographies of people who began in worse conditions, and Thelema’s idea of following your true will, keep me going.
On Intuition and Building a Career In Academia
After moving abroad, I decided to focus on one path instead of juggling several. Learning is a gamble: nobody knows which skills will matter later. Trusting my gut carried me through mathematics, game theory, and finally into neuroscience, and it keeps shaping how I build my academic career.
Northern Lights
After a period of philosophical and scientific exploration, I revisited Philip Pullman’s “His Dark Materials” trilogy, originally inspired by my interest in consciousness and theology, discovering a rich and complex world that goes beyond its film adaptation. Pullman’s world-building merges fantasy with physics, drawing on Hugh Everett’s multiverse theory and featuring a unique system where characters interact with daemons and navigate a universe governed by fantasy laws rather than traditional physics. The trilogy’s central theme of “Dust” as a primordial essence challenges established religious doctrines, presenting a narrative of rebellion against a corrupt deity through the adventures of Lyra and Will, which I found profoundly uplifting and recommend to others.
On the Trip To Italy and Austria
During my travels in Milan and Soelden, I observed contrasting aspects of Italian and Austrian cultures, noting Milan’s blend of traditional charm with modern struggles, and Austria’s focus on skiing and unique local customs. In Milan, I was struck by the juxtaposition of glamour with social issues and the absence of children, while Soelden’s tourism-centric focus revealed a different side of local life. Both experiences offered insights into regional lifestyles and societal trends. Reflecting on my journey, I pondered the concept of “depressive realism” and its implications, while also grappling with my evolving views on Buddhism and its authenticity in the modern world. My ongoing search for genuine spiritual experiences continues, leading me to contemplate a trip to Tibet.
Summary of Year 2010
2010 was a groundbreaking year: I tried the Power of Attraction, defended two master’s theses, interned in neuromarketing, and survived a tough job hunt. Along the way I embraced my rebellious side, vacationed in South Korea, and met someone special. Optimism, it turns out, pays off.
My Little Lessons from Buddhism
I’ve been exploring the concept of becoming a buddha and found that traditional teachings focus on the path to enlightenment without specifying gender, suggesting that both men and women can achieve this state through similar spiritual practices. Interestingly, I discovered that personal data, such as the initials of surnames, can significantly impact academic success, with patterns suggesting that surname initials might influence opportunities like Nobel Prizes. My own unique surname “B” appears to provide an advantageous position in author listings. In my own life, I’m currently seeking PhD opportunities and shifting focus from dull translation work to more creative and practical projects in physics. Engaging with new questions and challenges is bringing renewed energy and motivation to my professional journey.
Impressions from South Korea
During my time in South Korea, I discovered unique local preferences, such as a fascination with fair skin and double eyelids, which are believed to enhance attractiveness and success. Koreans also place importance on blood type traits in personality assessments. South Korea blends Western influence with its own traditions. Chain stores like Starbucks are common, yet Korean cuisine and fashion remain distinctly unique, reflecting a preference for functionality and creativity over Western trends. The Korean lifestyle and mentality impressed me with their emphasis on traditional values and emotional warmth. I found the cultural practices, such as eating with chopsticks and enjoying spicy cuisine, to be both enriching and eye-opening, enhancing my overall appreciation for global diversity.
A Brief Letter From a Korean Temple
During my week in Seoul at the International Seon Center, I’ve noticed that Koreans and Poles share similarities in mentality, largely due to historical struggles with neighboring powers, which fostered a strong sense of national pride and traditional values. Koreans are both fascinated by Western features and cultures, admiring Hollywood stars, while also holding on to their traditional customs, which can sometimes make Westerners feel like outsiders, even if they are treated warmly as tourists. Korean family dynamics are influenced by traditional values, with elderly women (ajummas) holding significant power within families. Mixed marriages are sometimes met with resistance, and Korean men, while passionate, may lead to complex dynamics in such relationships.
Celebrating My Masters Diploma in Mathematics: A Short Vacation in Mikołajki
To celebrate my math diploma I spent five book-free days in Mikołajki. Back home, reality returned: PhD applications going nowhere, a Physics thesis to untangle, a math discovery made by accident, and a neuromarketing internship. I’m juggling everything at once, and the cure for the chaos is Woodstock.
I Got a Masters in Science! (All Over Again…)
I officially earned my Master’s in Mathematics, at the cost of 8 kilos and a week of sweltering July study. Passing rediscovered what I value most in myself: the ability to take risks and persist. In February I cried over algebra; five months later I held two degrees. Now the real adventure begins.
Looking For Your Own Path
Digging through old works, a PhD application met with silence, and a reflection on why so many people follow the expected route while looking no further than the US or UK. Plus a math thesis picking up speed and a half-serious question about the health effects of Coca-Cola.
Impressions From the Neuronus Conference
At the 3rd Neuronus student conference, I found a far more welcoming atmosphere than at competitive physics seminars. I explore Ramachandran’s view that qualia help build a coherent perception of reality despite incomplete sensory input, and a surprise student sexology conference led me into alcohol-induced mental conditions and their impact on criminal responsibility.
On Eternity
Inspired by a recent lecture and the visit of Danish lama Ole Nydahl, I have started to see the body as a temporary vessel and the mind as holding an enduring essence. Life’s purpose may be tied to reincarnation and eternal growth, and psychologists, with their perpetual curiosity, seem to embody that endless renewal of the human spirit.
…And Then I Became a Translator For the Aviation Industry
A new chapter: translating aviation documentation, which taught me what information really is and why procedural language fascinates me. On the side, I started writing science articles for talented teens, beginning with the lemon battery. Reading my old notes, I realized how many versions of myself I have already been.
My Struggle With Algebra
For the fourth time, I failed my algebra exam despite working harder than on anything before. Prayer, pressure, and calm all gave the same result. So I am treating algebra as an unrequited love and getting angry enough to win: a battle plan of short daily sessions until the subject finally gives in.
“The Secret”
I am considering switching from glasses to colored contact lenses and imagining a world with crimson skies. At the same time, I am searching for a new life philosophy to replace my fatalistic mindset, inspired by “The Secret” and its claim that positive thinking attracts what we want. It may be naive, but it brings renewed hope and value to life.
On Insomnia Coming After Me
It is 4 am and insomnia is back, bringing every anxiety I usually outrun by staying busy: the fear of the future, self-criticism, a scary medical wait, and the years ahead. Oddly, the same sleepless hours also make me appreciate aging, and remind me I have explored every corner of my own mind.
On People and Elevators
During a layover in Paris, I observed airport behavior and noticed that, despite the crowd, I felt unusually comfortable making eye contact with strangers. That led me to ask why we behave so differently in confined spaces like elevators, and what human and primate behavior reveals about the evolutionary instincts behind our reactions in tight spaces.
On Melancholy and Master Osho
Mid-exams, I am stuck in a mental slump I cannot explain: every test says I am fine, yet nothing sparks. Osho’s “Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously” and the archangels’ colloquy from The Book of Mirdad helped me trace where the melancholy comes from, and why inaction is the real danger.
Impressions from Traveling Through Western Europe: Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark, and Sweden
I’ve recently been navigating through a period of uncertainty but managed to reengage with life by attending a vibrant science evening and exploring Europe. My travels took me through Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark, and Sweden, where I immersed myself in local atmospheres and cultures.
What To Do With Yourself After Your Master’s Degree? Plans for the Future
This summer showed me life doesn’t have to be as dull as it feels, so I am weighing my options after the master’s: stay put in Warsaw, chase a six-year US doctorate, a fully funded three-year PhD in Germany, four years in Sweden at Lund, or a break from science altogether. Which will it be?
On Energy and Where It Comes From
My approach to life has shifted dramatically since high school. While my peers settle into mundane jobs and predictable lives, I remain energized and proactive, and I keep asking what has fueled this change over the past five years. I worry about the trend of losing vitality in one’s twenties, and I am curious about the risks of such a high-energy lifestyle.
On Loneliness and Courage
I moved to the Medical Physics specialization, started a biomathematics thesis with a friend, and for the first time everything I studied began to connect. Specializing has a cost, though: solitude. A passage from Osho on the affirmation of loneliness helped me sit with it.