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Learn about me & my missionAugust 18th, 2013 | I'm Starting a PhD Program All Over Again!
This text was fully written by a human.
- Self-esteem is complex: it often feels like you deserve the best, but when you achieve something valuable, you might act defensively and risk losing it.
- Securing a doctoral contract with my own project was a significant achievement, yet I found myself obsessively controlling every detail, which hindered my progress.
- Realizing my self-sabotage, I’m now focusing on embracing my capabilities, remembering past successes, and moving forward with confidence. It’s time to overcome doubt and dive into work, starting now.
How Can You Embrace Self-Esteem and Conquer Doubt to Ignite Achievement?
Self-esteem is intriguing. On one side, it’s like you’re entitled to the best life has to offer.
Yet, when you actually hold something valuable, you start acting defensively, clutching it tightly until you inevitably lose it. According to Jones and Berglas (1978), Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, people who feel their sense of competence is precarious often engage in self-handicapping behaviors to protect their self-esteem from the threat of failure.
What Am I Doing With This New Contract?
Having secured a doctoral contract, which is a success in itself, especially since it’s with the same institute and for a project I designed, a rare occurrence, I’ve been pestering my boss repeatedly. I ensure no one alters my plans, that my daily supervisors surpass the previous ones, that no one blames me if results take time, and that my travels aren’t restricted. According to Ng, Sorensen and Eby (2006), a meta-analysis found that a strong desire for control over one’s work is linked to better performance but also to more strain when that control feels threatened.
Instead, I should dive into work, knowing I’m capable and many at the institute believe in me. My past troubles weren’t my fault, but it’s hard to shake off that fear of things going awry again. According to Bandura (1977), a strong belief in one’s own capability is one of the most reliable predictors of whether someone persists through setbacks rather than being derailed by them.
How Did I Realize I Was Sabotaging My Own Progress?
Recently, I realized my approach was sabotaging my achievements, so I’m focusing on actual work now. According to Flett, Hewitt and Martin (1995), perfectionistic over-control and excessive attention to detail are strongly linked to procrastination and can actively hinder task completion, rather than improve it.
I remind myself of the great project, my brilliant ideas, the paper in Nature, and a bright future. Time to stop doubting and start working. It’s 4:38 am on Sunday—a good moment to begin coding.
Please cite as:
Bielczyk, N.
(August 18th, 2013). I’m Starting a PhD Program All Over Again!. Retrieved from: https://nataliabielczyk.com/starting-a-phd-program-all-over-again/
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