Why Do I Enjoy Mind Games?

Just like every neuroscientist, I enjoy mind games.

And just like everyone who enjoys mind games, I sometimes wonder:

Where is the boundary between mind power and magical thinking?

Ultimately, I guess the sweet spot is to strike a balance between the two, and still stand on the right side of the thin red line.

San Francisco is a great playground that feels like it was specifically created to play mind games. Let me explain.

The Very Beginnings.

I didn’t have beginner’s luck with the city.

At age 22, I came for just one weekend. Indeed, I ended up in the cheapest hotel in the Tenderloin. I almost got attacked in my hotel room in the middle of the night, and I spent most of my time chatting with the homeless in the streets.

When I started coming to the city regularly 15 years later, I didn’t have the beginner’s luck either.

For the lack of better options, I installed myself in the cheapest available hotels in the Financial District and then in the SOMA.

Based here, I used to live in mossy, humid rooms, visit an obscure gym and sauna, cook in microwaves at the hotels, and visit free events around the city. Overall, living there was nothing pleasant.

In general, I was quite down, mentally. I was wrecking myself financially and spending everything I had on the further development of my company and on business travels. As a result, I literally had less than $100 in my pocket at the time, and I felt permanently stressed.

The Common Narrative.

At that point, I bought into the common rhetoric flowing around. The public consensus was that:

1. San Francisco was an unlivable place: a broken, dirty, off-putting city which people merely tolerate in the name of the bigger vision behind their startups. They just come to milk the opportunity and then happily run. According to the City and County of San Francisco, the 2024 Point-in-Time Count found 8,323 people experiencing homelessness in one night. Still, the same report showed unsheltered homelessness had fallen to its lowest level in a decade.
2. People here are empty and evil. They always network upward and treat each other as assets, forgetting about you once you’re no longer useful. They are obsessed with fame, splendor, and impact, and all suffer from the main character syndrome.

Indeed, I heard the same opinions from virtually any person I used to talk to — from tourists to San Francisco-natives. And so I developed the same beliefs and started repeating the same phrases as everyone else.

What Was My San Francisco Turning Point?

Then, it was a rainy night in late November of 2024. I was just coming back on foot from a Pitch Night at Digital Garage, Market Street, and headed towards my hotel in the SOMA.

Around 6th Street, I took out my phone… and it didn’t last for 10 seconds before some homeless guy kicked it out of my hand and made it vanish.

Notably, that was probably the very bottom of my San Francisco experience, ever. I was soaking wet and cold, I was phoneless, and I was just standing there arguing in the street with an angry mob of homeless people who cursed me with the worst profanities.

I thought to myself: „I hate this place soooo much!”

And then, a young homeless guy approached me and offered help. He listened to the story and then took me for a long walk around the quarter so that he could ask around about my phone.

According to Holt-Lunstad et al. (2015), such social connection is a stronger predictor of well-being than most people assume.

We easily made between 5 and 10 miles together, trespassing every street and every corner. He was approaching every group of homeless people he could find and asking everywhere, until we ran out of ideas.

Still, he didn’t want anything from me. Still, I insisted on making him dinner.

In the end, he reluctantly had a meal at my hotel. After that, he napped on an armchair for a few minutes. Then he jumped back on his feet and disappeared into the night.

Ultimately, I never met him again.

We didn’t manage to redeem my phone, but this situation made me think. „People here aren’t THAT bad…” Not nearly as bad as they are pictured in public.

The Challenge.

And then, a few months later, when I came back to San Francisco after visiting India and working on myself in the mountains of Dharamshala, the same city felt much nicer right away.

And then it occurred to me: San Francisco is neither pretty nor ugly. It just is.

In other words, it’s a battlefield where good fights with evil at all times. It’s a perfect balance of the light side and the dark side. A balance of the pretty and the ugly.

Of the expected and of the unexpected. And, the fact that the unexpected will happen is perfectly expected.

In other words, it’s also a mirror of one’s inner state. Notably, the year 2024 was quite horrific for my close family, my health, and my business — and so was my view of the city. Year 2025 was waaay better and immediately got reflected in my experience of the city.

Instead, you can’t just look at face value; San Francisco morphs into exactly what you want it to be — and what you focus your attention on. It’s a buffet — just pick whatever you want from the table. And you’ll get exactly that.

An illustration made in the summer of 2025:

The Shift.

Just imagine that you walk out the door and hurry to give your first-ever TEDx talk… and a crowd of semi-nude runners blocks your path to the BART train.

Every day picture in the city.

As a matter of fact, I only know one place that’s as messy as San Francisco: the inside of my head. We just fit together.

And so I started accepting the mess.

The Wedding.

In October of 2025, I experienced yet another mental shift.

I attended a friend’s wedding as a bridesmaid in Oakland.

Indeed, it was my first ever American wedding, and I was stunned by how cordial people were to each other in that whole family. It was a strong American family with traditional American values, where people are really close together.

And it occurred to me: hey, EVERY marketplace feels like there is no one sitting on the other side of the table.

Recruiters and job hunters. Founders and investors.

Guys and girls. Everyone always whines about how they are treated.

My friend, on the contrary, did not repeat the same detrimental beliefs about „how people in the Bay Area” are, but rather, sent positive karma into space day in and day out.

And good karma came back, as — surprise surprise! — people tend to mirror what you expect them to be. According to a landmark review in Personality and Social Psychology Review, one’s expectations of another can measurably shape their behavior.

Psychologists call this the self-fulfilling prophecy. The classic demonstration comes from Rosenthal and Jacobson (1968), where teachers’ expectations alone raised pupils’ test scores.

So I asked myself: what if I ignore the common beliefs about people here, give people some credit for trust, and affirm the idea that they are amazing?

So, I started implementing daily affirmations, repeating a number of statements every morning — statements reversing my former unconstructive beliefs.

Effects? Surprise surprise, amazing people started popping up in large amounts.

Why Did It Take Me So Long to Fall in Love with San Francisco?

San Francisco, named after the patron of the poor… A person who named this city had a weird sense of humor.

Anyway, the city is one of the finest, as it allows you to be yourself, with all your quirks, flaws, and desires.

So, I felt like I won the mind game — with time, I became increasingly affectionate of the place.

Eventually, I even organized a comedy special for my 40th birthday, and that special was nothing but an elaborate love letter to America and San Francisco.

Why did it take me so long to fall in love with San Francisco after all?

Well, it was a long process, as it wasn’t the first time I’d been looking for my way abroad. As a result, that made me cautious and unwilling to take too bold bets.

The Netherlands Detour.

Overall, I put a lot of effort into it. First, I finished my studies, bought a house, and learned the language. Then, I started a company and kept grinding on my friendships…

And still, none of it worked in the end. I didn’t feel at home for one day.

In fact, only after I started traveling again after the pandemic did I realize it had all been a futile effort. Mentally, I was so distant from the Dutch society that it all could have never worked. Never ever.

Indeed, I felt broken-hearted by the Netherlands. It was like a beautiful but utterly empty premise.

Now I was much slower at acting, but also more strategic. And I promised myself I would never relocate again before I found a place that felt like actual home. Home for good.

And yes, San Francisco can be ugly on the surface at times. BUT…

In contrast, mentality-wise, Poland was a toxic hell, and the Netherlands was an empty desert. Ultimately, San Francisco is the first livable place I have lived in.

Three times charm.