How Do Open Field Experiments Picture Grad School?

There’s an experimental setup known as the “blank field” (or, “open field”). In this scenario, a rat is placed in a spacious cage devoid of any stimuli: no scents, no food, no snares, and no other rats. The rat’s behavior is then observed. Typically, ordinary rats explore the cage cautiously along the sides, while more timid ones huddle in a corner. However, there are some rats that, without self-preservation instincts, sit smack in the center of the cage like clueless creatures.

Lately, I’ve felt like one of those rats in an empty field. Just yesterday, during a tutor interview, with the holidays approaching, I didn’t mince words: my research project isn’t functioning. And it won’t, unless I revamp it completely into something entirely new.

Until now, whether I liked the topic or not didn’t matter. And despite promises of a more fitting subject, I found myself tangled in intricate thermodynamics. All this while I was at Donders, where so much fascinating work is happening.

What’s striking is that among PhD students, even in places where doctorates are well rewarded, frustration is quite common. Hardly anyone seems to be doing precisely what they want, and a creatively satisfying PhD appears to be a luxury for a fortunate few. According to Levecque, Anseel, De Beuckelaer, Van der Heyden and Gisle (2017) in Research Policy, roughly a third of PhD students are at risk of a common psychiatric disorder such as depression, a rate significantly higher than among comparable highly educated peers. While almost everyone faces frustration, the only distinction is in how some voice it while others remain composed.

There’s also a discrepancy in how strength is perceived. Some believe strength entails enduring unpleasant tasks even if it means suffering, waiting to breathe during the postdoctoral phase when there’s more freedom.

How Did I Negotiate My Way to Independence?

On the flip side, others consider strength as making tough decisions independently, like enduring ten months of job dissatisfaction, dealing with an unsuitable supervisor, or being unable to alter the project’s focus. The latter group believes that if there’s no systematic solution, it’s better to change jobs.

In my case, I had no option; my endocrine system made the decision for me. Prolonged engagement with tasks I disliked triggered physical symptoms like fever, throat infections, and eczema.

Eventually, it couldn’t be concealed any longer. Fortunately, being the child of a professional chess player, I inherited the skill of negotiation, which I adeptly utilized during my encounter.

Unexpectedly, I negotiated more than I expected: complete freedom to transform. It was quite a shift.

My boss had been rigid throughout the year, but suddenly relented, saying, “Write the project yourself.” I was taken aback. “Anything I want?”

I asked. “Exactly,” the boss replied. “When?”

I inquired. “As soon as possible,” came the response.

A Surreal Kind of Victory

The whole situation left me rather flabbergasted. It was an all-or-nothing situation. Evidently, there was no alternative, as it always boiled down to the same outcome—no compromise with life.

And so, while gearing up for a challenging summer school trip to China, I wasn’t perturbed. Later, I’ll be engrossed in experiences far from home.

Yesterday afternoon, on my way back, was one of the most surreal afternoons I’ve had. The weather was perfect, flowers bloomed everywhere, people rode bicycles with smiles, and the sun bathed everything in warmth. I felt a profound sense of accomplishment, more empowered than I thought.

My “empty field” wasn’t the only victory. I was the first to bring up the fact that in the Netherlands, doctoral students undergo rigorous evaluation at each step, while their supervisors escape such scrutiny and remain irreplaceable, limiting opportunities for young talents.

Has Capitalism ‘Sipped’ Into Academia?

Surprisingly, the dean and the institute’s managing director shared a similar view. However, they were uncertain how to hold tenured professors accountable. This irked PhD managers, sponsors, and students alike. It seems that acknowledging the problem is leading to broader awareness. Capitalism has seeped into academia, and science is bound to follow market trends. Dissatisfied graduate students will likely switch jobs rather than remain trapped in unhappiness. This tracks with Kis et al. (2022), whose survey of PhD candidates at a Dutch university found that an unhealthy research environment was directly linked to a stronger intention to leave academia. Bosses will be held accountable for their subordinates’ lack of success, just as in any professional environment.

As I walked, my boss’s words from a few hours ago echoed in my mind. He confided that the journey from a PhD student to a professor was a grueling ordeal, involving tasks you’d rather not do.

If given a second chance, he might choose a different path. It was an unexpected confession during a motivational speech.

Sometimes, I feel people contribute to their own unhappiness. Why work 16 hours a day when responsibilities engulf you, leaving no room for the truly fascinating aspects like discoveries and personal passions? According to Pencavel (2015), output per hour declines sharply once working hours stretch too long, meaning very long days produce diminishing returns rather than proportionally more work. I find myself experiencing Abel’s syndrome more often. When I cry, it’s for others, not just myself. Yesterday was no different.

Coming Home to What Matters

Upon arriving home, the aroma of delicious potato pancakes welcomed me. My fiancé recently moved in.

And we’re in a spacious room with a kitchen in a neighborhood known as the flower district. Nothing beats rooms with vast south and west-facing windows.

If all goes well, we’ll occupy this space for the next three years, and I’m optimistic about what lies ahead. Whenever I step inside, an overwhelming sense of something extraordinary happening fills the air.

Maybe it’ll be my success or perhaps my fiancé’s, a promising theoretical physicist. Something big is on the horizon.

However, there’s one thing that saddens me. I might never have the chance to thank those responsible for bringing me this far. Unless, one day, I muster the courage—for now, I’m just a rat in an empty field.