What Are These Little Everyday Influences?

A few days ago I had a long and interesting conversation with a friend who started doubting in her future in academia. At some point, she realized that in case she stayed, the long working hours would never end.

For worse, if she stayed, she would always need to deal with frustration. She complained that academic life negatively changes both personality and mindset. This is one of the main reasons why she is seriously thinking about leaving.

And, we started discussing how academia distorts people’s personalities. We also debated whether academics’ often problems with maintaining mental health, and with adapting to other working cultures, are nature or nurture.

Of course, isolation, uncertainty, unrealistic expectations, and constant competition associated with academic life do not help. Sverdlik, Hall, McAlpine & Hubbard (2018), in the International Journal of Doctoral Studies, examined this question.

They found several factors that are well-documented contributors to doctoral students’ struggles with well-being and mental health. These include isolation, unclear expectations, and a highly competitive research culture.

They can block your personal development and negatively influence your personality in the long run. But on the other hand, isn’t this true about any hierarchical system?

Does a Corporate Job Constrain You in the Same Way?

In a corporation, you are also under pressure. You need to closely follow your boss’ directives and the company’s policy and regulations. Some degree of discipline is a must when you need to coordinate a mass of people.

You also need to follow the dress code, be present during working hours, and adhere to the deadlines. And you need to tolerate some toxic and/or opportunistic people you will need to interact with, whether you like it or not.

Whenever you have a boss, you will need to tame your behavior to some extent and be diplomatic. You won’t be able to always say what you really think. You won’t be able to always choose whom you work with, or spend the time in a way optimal for you. 

How Does Your Job Affect Your Personality in the Long Run?

The tiny compromises that you need to make every day won’t destroy you immediately. But in the long run, they will distort your personality in one way or another.

Usually, in a negative way. You will not notice any difference from day to day.

But after a few years, you might wake up one day with a deep feeling of wasted potential. According to Roberts, Caspi and Moffitt (2003), work experiences measurably reshape personality traits over just eight years.

I would compare this to the bonsai tree. To grow a bonsai tree, you need to start working on it when it is very young. Its trunk is still meek and delicate.

Then, you need to pull and push its trunk and branches sideways using a little amount of tension. Even a tiny thread will do!

But, the tree is under this pressure every single day and it will grow in a way to minimize the pressure. Over the years, it will develop its final, crooked shape.

Why Do I Finally Like the Person I’ve Become?

This remark made me think about why I finally like my life, after all these years in academia when I hated it. I feel like a balloon that was squeezed in some tight container for a long time, and is now slowly getting back to the original shape.

And, it is in the process of discovering that it is bigger than it thought it was. I am just slowly coming back to being the person I was meant to be. That couldn’t be for all the years spent in the (academic) system.

And that’s one good thing about living an entrepreneurial lifestyle: since you have no constraints, your personality can blossom and reach its true potential. And, in this constraint-free environment, qualities undesired elsewhere make you noticeable and memorable instead.

Creativity, authenticity, honesty, an edgy sense of humor, and following your own set of rules and values encourage more people to work with you. These are not the traits that are positively reinforced if you try to fit into any form of army including academia.

What Does Self-Love Mean?

I am also finally learning to love myself. This involves making choices that serve my own well-being right here right now.

It’s a different approach than acting on behalf of what others expect of me, or what might potentially improve my life in 10-20 years from now. According to Neff (2003), this kind of self-kindness protects well-being better than harsh self-judgment.

Ever since I got rid of detrimental factors in my life—toxic people, bureaucratic duties, doing nonsense projects, et cetera—I noticed a lot of positive influence on my personality. I became more cheerful and energetic, I use to joke more often, and I don’t stress myself out that much anymore.

I also started reaching out for more and making braver choices that improve my well-being immediately. I also feel that most people have the wrong picture of personal freedom.

According to Deci & Ryan (2000), published in Psychological Inquiry, autonomy is one of three basic psychological needs, alongside competence and relatedness. It means acting from one’s own values rather than external pressure. Satisfying it is strongly linked to genuine well-being rather than to selfishness or laziness.

Freedom to do anything you want does not mean that you’ll become lazy. Or, that you’ll get self-indulged, or you’ll step on other people’s feet. Growing your own tree straight toward the sun will not prevent other people from growing their trees straight as well.