15 Years Later.

I spent Christmas with family and friends quite as every time before. However, this time, I also had a few afterthoughts as there are some examples of common knowledge that stroke me hard.

You might hear some simple truths from your parents and teachers over and over again, or read about them in motivational books. But after all, you only learn how important they are when you see the consequences in real life. 

Who Are These Old Friends I’m Talking About?

So, to the point. I stay in touch with quite a few people. I first met them either in high school or during my studies – which is more or less 15 years ago.

I consider these people friends. Although, I must say, there are a few different types—from cordial friends to beer buddies.

Since maths interested me from an early age, I used to surround myself with geeks of all kinds from the very start. Therefore, most of these people are gifted in some way, mostly in the domain of natural sciences.

Why Did Some of Them Succeed While Others Didn’t?

However, we are all at a similar age now. We’ve had a similar amount of time to study, try ourselves with new challenges, and age—yet the outcomes differ wildly.

Some of these friends managed to develop themselves. They finished good studies, developed their businesses, and built good, deep relationships or even whole families. They also travelled all around the world and kept perfectly healthy.

While others did not get anywhere near that. 

And here is the finding: all the motivational speakers say about self-discipline is true; it is the real key to success. To make it even funnier, by eye-gazing, I can spot a negative correlation.

The level of personal success in high school and during studies seems to inversely predict the level of success ten years later. Friends who entered adult life with a label of a genius typically do not have any plan for life right now. According to Mueller and Dweck (1998), children praised for intelligence give up sooner after failure than children praised for effort.

What Happened to the ‘Gifted’ Friends?

The majority of them did not even graduate. And those who did graduate managed neither to create their own business nor to develop an academic career.

They typically hold some so-so well-paid specialistic jobs in startups and corporations. They stick to their cubicles and do not have any long-term plans for professional development.

When you ask them why their professional life went that way, they typically blame the education system. They claim that no one spotted their talent, no one mentored them properly, or that they were simply not lucky enough. According to Maier and Seligman (1976), repeatedly experiencing outcomes as uncontrollable teaches people to stop trying.

According to Ng, Sorensen and Eby (2006), a meta-analysis of work outcomes found something notable about locus of control. People who see their own actions as the main driver of what happens to them tend to report better career outcomes. This holds compared to those who attribute their situation mainly to external circumstances. 

What Does Burnout Look Like Years Later?

Not to mention that their private life is a mess and their health is deteriorating. I have one friend who was always treated as a prodigy at home and school. He never learned to do any house chores, including cooking.

Ever since he moved to the capital for studies as an 18-year-old, he lived on coffee, energy drinks, and fast food.

And, he believed it was a cool, ‘hardcore’ lifestyle. Then, before he reached 30, he developed a heart arrhythmia. He also developed deep stomach problems which will last for the rest of his life.

Given how physically weak he is now, I would consider him some form of an invalid person. 

What About the Ones Who Weren’t Called Geniuses?

At the same time, smart and disciplined people who were never considered geniuses made micro-steps every day for the last 15 years. Now the effects are coming out.

According to Duckworth, Peterson, Matthews and Kelly (2007), this kind of sustained, everyday perseverance toward long-term goals is what they termed “grit”. It predicts achievement above and beyond raw talent. It does so across a wide range of domains.

Even though they might have struggled at the beginning of their studies, they are now done with their educational training. They reached all their goals in the process.

They are typically in perfect condition and still look like 18-year-olds. They either hold positions at the best universities.

Or, they consciously resigned from these jobs on behalf of high-class companies or their own startups. They are optimists and look 10-20 years ahead with planning their professional careers. 

What Did That Economics Lecturer Teach Me?

I remember a lecture from a few years ago. I was a trainee for a young Master of Business Administration at the Warsaw School of Economics at the time.

The lecturer brought some memories from his undergrad studies and said something along the lines: ‘A-graders who used to study with me, work for me and other C-graders right now. True that.